This may come as a shock, but we have some troubling news to report: it seems that the Double Dating, Non-Eating foursome of Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and power duo Posh 'n Becks differ in one key regard. As opposed to TomKat's demure sartorial choices, from their first public motorcycle ride to their wedding attire to Katie’s current desire to wear dresses with hemlines as long as possible, their British counterparts just love showing us some skin. As People reports, frosty-locked David has been confirmed to appear in yet another glossy ad campaign for Armani, in which the soccer star will continue to contort his Adonis body into poses highlighting his too-good-to-be-true physical assets. Since the new pictures coincide with recently released oddball shots taken of permanently deadpan wife Victoria Beckham for Marc Jacobs’ Spring/Summer print campaign, we took a nostalgic (and arousing) look back at just how many times the Beckhams have admirably sold their bodies for bundles of cash. Enjoy the various real and fake body parts belonging to Britain’s most rare creation: a real live hot couple.

Oh, excellent: Just in time for gay-wedding gift shopping, Emporio Armani erected, in San Francisco's Union Square, a massive advertisement featuring David Beckham in the fashion line's new underwear. According the soccer star's hometown tabloid, the Sun, this is the largest-yet ad featuring Beckham's "package... on public display." Gothamites, too, will get the chance to walk past a massive blow-up of Beck's junk on their way to work each day, since the campaign will eventually spread to New York, Los Angeles, Rome, London, Milan, Paris and Tokyo. But Armani wanted to start in San Francisco to alleviate any doubts about the target demographic for stylish men's undies. Click through for a larger pic.

We’ve been wondering for a while now when all these obsessed-over spawns of celebrities would finally grow up and start canoodling already. With all the “wombwatching” and “bump” updates screaming at us from the newsstands, all we really want to know is when Lourdes is going to start dating James Wilkie Parker Broderick (oy), or when Suri will link eyes with the matching-haircut, age-equivalent Maddox. But thank the pervy Hollywood heavens above, the wait is now over. As the NY Daily News reports today, two youngsters with very famous A-list parents are currently “dating,” and “poised to take Hollywood by storm…and they have a combined age of 18!” Well! That’s slightly disgusting but also beyond intriguing! The new hot couple on the schoolyard revealed, after the jump.

Hello Magazine is reporting that Tom Cruise was plum out of ideas for what to get recently drifting BFF David Beckham for his birthday. So instead of a fruit basket or a lifetime supply of Tom Cruise Purple, the Hubbard-loving Clear decided to treat both Posh and Becks to a private weekend getaway at one of Cruise’s favorite romantic spots in Napa Valley: his very own home!

We hate to rain on Tom Cruise’s purity parade, but it seems his bundle of Hubbard Formula-chugging joy, Suri Cruise, has gone seriously gaga for two older men. And she’s got the giggles to show it. While babysitting for all three Beckham boys as David bent it like...well, lost to the visiting team, Tom and Katie brought finger-nibbling Suri along to watch. But the blanketed Cruiselette only had eyes for one guy: and he goes by Brooklyn Beckham. Tom did seem more interested in setting up Suri with the littlest Beckham (Cruz Beckham! Just picturing future Scientology couple Suri Cruise and Cruz Beckham likely made Tom's removable head spin with possibilities), Suri couldn’t keep her eyes off 9-year old Brooklyn. But earlier last week while still in NY, TomKat attended Suri’s favorite musical, and we have a feeling fellow Scientologist John Travolta’s role in the movie version had nothing to do with her ear-to-ear grin while leaving: a certain song-and-dancing Efronabbe got her all shook up...

Though the Metropolitan Museum's annual Costume Gala is considered by most to be the Oscars of the fashion world, the truth of the matter is that no one really focuses on the clothes. What really matters is which celebrities show up to WEAR the clothes and, of course, whether or not they're lookin' good. That said, all eyes were entirely focused on the recently friction-laden, reportedly squabbling super-duo of Team Cruise and Team Beckham, who reunited once again for the cameras. And despite the gushing show of admiration and respect that the Beckhams demonstrated for the the Hubbard-lovers on yesterday's Oprah, both Holmes and Beckham were allegedly competing for the spotlight last night. And in the end? The girl with the higher-slit dress tends to win every time. More photos from the event, including our picks for the best and most horrific looks of the night, after the jump.

The last two weeks have been rough on the friendship of one-time power duo Victoria Beckham and Katie Holmes. First, the meal-skipping, identical-haircut-sporting pair's friendship took a hit when Tom Cruise became concerned that Posh's influence was having a negative effect on Katie's health. Then, perhaps in retaliation, Victoria neglected to invite TomKat to her intimate pre-birthday dinner. Now, we hear that Katie has begun to distance herself from the Spice Girl-turned-professional partygoer, likely due to the assertions of the press that she's "morphed into Posh." So who's to blame? As Showbiz Spy reports, it seems that Katie Holmes is the culprit behind the fractured friendship:

Last week, Victoria Beckham celebrated her 34th birthday alongside new friends Eva Longoria and Kate Beckinsale, but supposed close friends Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were nowhere to be seen. Naturally, we presumed that this was either a result of Tom's edict for Katie to stop spending so much time with Posh or an early warning sign that Team Cruise's controlling ways were too much for the Beckhams to handle. But at last night's star-studded birthday party for Posh, not only were Tom and Katie in attendance, but her Katie's choice of gown left us wondering if her curious absence earlier in the week was simply a means to hide the fact that Suri Jr. could possibly be on the way.

Victoria Beckham and her razor-sharp cheekbones celebrated her 34th birthday last night alongside soon-to-be Yeshivite husband David, and two new female friends: Eva Longoria and Kate Beckinsale, both of whom were dressed to the nines in order to live up to the immaculately glamorous appearances Posh and her cronies tend to exhibit. But were Longoria and Beckinsale also trying to fill the stilettos of Beckham BFF, a role Katie Holmes has filled for so many years? Favored dining, uh, dieting companions Tom and Katie were noticeably absent from the festivities. Did Tom Cruise's wishes to keep Katie away from the bobble-headed Brit come true so quickly?

If you're wondering what the Beckhams are doing in Los Angeles, land of Jack Warner and Louis B. Mayer, the corner of Fairfax and Beverly, and Nate'n Als, one need look only as far as David's left forearm, where in Hebraic calligraphy reads a Talmudic proverb that translates roughly to, "He who is tethered to the most majah goat in the village, partakes of the tastiest cream cheese after Shabbat services." As it turns out, the tattoo wasn't just the regrettable result of having imbibed too much Manischewitz after a particularly boisterous Purim party with the Ciccone-Ritchies at the Beverly Hills Kabbalah center; rather, it's a nod to the soccer star's Jewish heritage. Now, reports The Sun, the couple is hoping to get their three-year-old son Cruz into one of our city's finest pre-Yeshivas:

• Apparently hungry for attention in London, Paris Hilton declared Kim Kardashian's butt "disgusting, it reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag." Then she said Jessica Simpson's boobs were too big. Then she flashed her own boobs again outside a hotel; click here for a bigger shot (via WENN) if you're not bored of Hilton's nipples yet. [Sun]

• Blogger Perez Hilton is claiming he made out with a bisexual John Mayer. This disturbing visual comes a few days after singer Mayer posted a long rambling thing to his blog "about a young guy who maintains a celebrity blog... who has wrestled with a lifelong battle for acceptance as a gay man." [Perez] (Photo via Perez)

Remember when you were in high school and used to dreamily stare at the sexy magazine spreads (pun intended) of whomever your crush of the moment was? Well, apparently The View's Sherri Shepherd still does this, but she takes the whole process a bit too far. After Jay Leno introduced her as the second slot guest after David Beckham on The Tonight Show last night, Sherri proceeded to spend the next four or so minutes crushing on Becks like she was a nine-year-old schoolgirl with a serious Man U fetish. Not only was there talk of Sherri putting her advanced scrapbooking techniques to work on that infamous Posh 'n Becks photoshoot but, even more disturbingly, she waxed poetically her ladyparts doing what Tracy Morgan would call "a high-five" to a visibly nervous David's manparts. That's one view we'd prefer never to see. [NBC]

We're still not sure why dreamy CNN anchor Anderson Cooper profiled dreamy "football" star David Beckham on 60 Minutes last night (something about Beckham being rich and famous and dreamy?) but he did. And it's on the internet! We're sure the old people who make up the 60 Minutes audience wondered who these dashing young men were and why they were invading their TV screens with their youthful virility and mutual appreciation of athletic prowess. Becks' amazing robot wife Victoria, oddly, is barely mentioned. Full segment, after the jump.

OMG everyone who's psyched for 60 Minutes this Sunday! CNN hearththrob Anderson Cooper is going one-on-one with "football" superstar David Beckham!!! There's a minute-long clip on CBS that we've embedded after the jump. But if sitting through an ad is too much work, you can just gaze upon our screenshot gallery of The Coop and Becks broing out on the "football" field (turf? some other word?). Anderson admires Beckman's powerful leg, then does a manly job defending the goal. This is gonna be the best profile ever!

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often—the fate of the universe relies upon it! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time Andy Dick asked if he could Adrian the Grenier out of you.

The single largest threat facing our environment today? Sports hero/Lagerfeld-engineered cyborg-marrier David Beckham. Mr. Beckham, who plays "soccer" for the fictional L.A. Galaxy, "is responsible for 163 tons of carbon dioxide yearly," according to a British environmental group. This entirely made-up number may mean that David Beckham has the largest carbon footprint in the history of mankind. Beckham owns many cars and homes, flew "flew farther in 2007 than a trip from the earth to the moon", and when he's not playing soccer he drives across the polar ice caps in an ATV. He's not expected to change his Earth-destroying ways this year, as, according to FoxSoccer.com, "the England star is still looking to earn his 100th cap for his homeland when England takes on Switzerland in a February friendly." We have absolutely no clue what that means. [Fox Sports]

• "I'm very organized and controlled, and need to go to bed at night knowing what I'm going to wear the next morning," says David Beckham. Hey, that's exactly the kind of thing that makes someone sexy not sexy suddenly. [P6]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you spotted Chyna Doll perusing the Burbank Target aisles.

• Did Weinstein Co., coproducers of Project Runway, ban Tim Gunn from mentioning Proj Run in his book? Tim says yes, Harvey says no. Gosh, I'm sure we're all going to believe Harvey Weinstein over the nicest most huggable gay in the world. [NYP]