Friday:
• Somersault, opening today at Sunshine Cinemas, "delves into the inner workings of a 'slut.'" We'll give you a preview: insecurity and cheap booze. [flavorpill]
• Radiohole presents Fluke, an ocean-themed production from the avant-garde theatre troupe known for its "irreverance and exposed genetalia." Play doctor with them tonight at PS 122. [Paper]
The Franklin Avenue blog stumbled upon a curious little feature on local news station KNBC's website: a slideshow of 49 celebrity Scientologists, presented in alphabetical order, and without any explanation of their involvement with L. Ron Hubbard's happy little family—just names and pictures. The big players are all represented, (hello Tom, Kirstie, Travolta, and heavy-handed, Oscar-winning writer/director Paul Haggis!), but perhaps the most interesting part of the slideshow is the "former Scientologists" section at the end of the presentation, featuring Emilio Estevez, Brad Pitt, Kate "Mrs. Steven Spielberg" Capshaw, Demi Moore, and Jerry Seinfeld. We don't think any of them were ever fully commissioned deckhands on the Freewinds; they probably completed a course or two, wandered into the wrong room during the Celebrity Centre's famous brunch, or in the case of Pitt, put up with Juliette Lewis' e-meter talk just to get laid.
Perhaps the single most debated Hollywood brainteaser since "Hey, what the hell happened to Helen Hunt?", the etymological origin and significance of the Cruise child's name, Suri, has been the focus of near Talmudic levels of scholarship in the days since her birthing. We therefore update our initial Suri analysis with an appendix:
• Subtle "shatters conventional notions of hip-hop" for a group of people who, we're guessing, have aboslutely no idea what "conventional notions of hip-hop" are. Watch the confusion tonight at the Knitting Factory. [flavorpill]
• Not only is Cyndi Lauper still alive, but she's hitting Broadway. Watch Hell freeze over at the opening night of The Threepenny Opera. [Paper]
• Meet the mystery men behind your favorite commercials at Voices Behind the Scene: The Art of the Voice Over. 10 bucks says they're all under 5'10" — there's something about big voices and little men. [Upcoming]
• The Fiery Furnaces bring their "sissy, psychedelic Satanism" to Bowery Ballroom tonight. The normal, blow-induced Satanism returns tomorrow. [flavorpill]
• Circuit benders flock from the four corners of the earth to Bent 2006. For those of you who have no fucking idea what circuit bending is, there are workshops and lessons and, um, concerts. We figured if we mentioned this odd event, maybe one of you would build us a robot. [Bent Festival]
• The Times' lovable Kristof headlines at an Amnesty International panel on Darfur. Sadly, not even his shiny new Pulitzer can distract us from Suri, which sounds enough like an African nation to keep our guilt to a minimum. [Upcoming]
You love the convenience and discretion downloading porn over the internet affords you. But your eyes are coated in weeks worth of monitor glaze, while your hearty appetite for artfully shot gang-bangs is taxing your hard drive's capacity. Vivid Entertainment Group has the solution: The home of The Love Twins (believe it or not, picture SFW), is at the vanguard of the newest entertainment-disseminating technologies.
Ever since the demise of Battle of the Network Stars, you've assumed you won't have a chance to watch dozens of sitcom personalities hanging out together. We thought the same. Until last night, when the cute boy with whom we saw The Threepenny Opera (verdict: meh) brought us for a post-theatrical drink to a little spot called Bar Centrale, upstairs from Joe Allen on Restaurant Row.
• Everyone's favorite Vogue-bot Plum Sykes emerges from her fur-lined oxygen chamber tonight to read from her latest, The Debutante Divorc e. Will you love to hate it as much as you did Bergdorf Blondes? We can only hope. [Paper]
• Blogger-types don real pants and brave the public eye tonight for the WYSIWYG Talent Show. At least, we hope they don pants. [WYSIWYG]
• The Martha Graham Dance Company celebrates its 80th birthday with a week of performances about town. How a modern dance company lasted 80 years, we'll never know — but we sure do love the final number in Center Stage. [flavorpill]
The LAT's targeted online advertising software appears to be extremely well-calibrated, pairing a story about the founder of Barry's Bootcamp having been a massive drug addict for years with a banner ad featuring an obese, smiling Chris Farley encouraging you to "overcome addiction," part of a campaign that has also seen his giant mug plastered on billboards around town. There are multiple lessons to be learned here: not just about the dangers of drug abuse, but also in the value of regular exercise—except when supervised by a cracked-out cardio instructor.
• Pissed-off poets take over Galapagos to bitch and whine for the New York Progressive Reading Series. Nothing says political action like a springtime sonnet. [flavorpill]
• The hills are alive, and so are the Von Trapp Family Singers. The fourth generation of The Sound of Music offspring perform a variety of songs, including Do-Re-Mi, tonight. Don't pretend like you're not excited. [Paper]
• The earnest kids over at Gothamist make another bid for your love with their seventh Movable Hype show, featuring Stars of Track & Field, Land of Talk, and Cloud Cult. Gothamist thinks these bands are good and that music is good, too. [Gothamist]
Friday:
• Good Friday is for suckas. Collective:Unconscious presents Pinchbottom's Sub:Conscious, a new monthly burlesque show (as there weren't enough monthly burlesque shows crowding Manhattan). This week's theme, just in time for the holidays: blasphemy. [Pinchbottom]
• New monthly thing, continued: Injection is a series of benefit concerts, kicking off tonight at the Brooklyn Lyceum, with proceeds going to a relief organization in New Orleans. Put your money to good use. Just this once. [Injection]
Saturday:
• Find the irony: Measles Mumps Rubella are "chic-punk" band with a "groove-happy disposition." Golly, we bet they're contagious. [flavorpill]
• It's the biggest thing to happen to Post-Its since Sex and the City: Monkey Town hosts a Post-It Note Reading, featuring This American Life's David Rakoff and Starlee Kine. Cross your fingers for some neon colors. [flavorpill]
Sunday:
• Keep Kosher at Meshuganeh Comedy, an evening of Jewish comics. We're not sure how it's different from any other comedy show in Manhattan, but you work with what you have. [Upcoming]
The LAT pays tribute to venerated industry power-eatery The Palm, where agents, executives, and celebrity mascots old and new (Larry King goes there "two or three times a week" to obtain the protein-heavy sustenance that keeps him from not looking a day over 138 years young) gather to pretend to enjoy one another's company while dining on steaks and gawking at the trademark caricatures adorning the restaurant's walls. The Palm is moving up the block and taking its famous walls with it, and the Times gives a hint about which of the current generation of stars awaiting immortality might make the cut in the new digs:
• The choreography of Still Smoking "reflects both the theatrical grandeur and the raw everyday rituals of city life." Because there's a lot of grandeur in huddling on a freezing street corner with a bunch of grimy strangers. [flavorpill]
• Taste the terror: Biodynamic Wine Tasting features organic wines that come from self-sustaining vineyards. Try and get past all the intimidating words — we're talking free booze here, people. [Upcoming]
• Gang Gang Dance plays at NYU. Yes, that does sound a lot like Gang Bang Dance, and so it's encouraged. [Paper]
Something in Deal Or No Deal's recipe of big dollar amounts and smoking-hot, mute models arranged in pyramid formation has connected with America, as it has been racking up decent ratings and multiplying all over the NBC schedule faster than you can say "Who Wants To Be An Oversaturated Game Show?" Part of its success can be attributed to the air of mystery surrounding the proceedings: Just who are these suitcase-wielding sexpots setting back the women's movement five decades? And who is this "Banker," besides a shadowy outline who keeps drunk-dialing every five minutes with a monetary—and who knows what else—offer for Howie Mandel? The show's website offers answers. The models have their own page, although under the heading of less is more, we can't say we recommend it. ("My name is Janelle Lafreniere. Along with modeling, I teach dance and work part time at a local gym.") Even more amazingly, the Banker finally speaks, in the guise of the sparsely updated Banker's Blog:
• Cristina Henriquez of New Yorker fame reads from her short-story collection Come Together, Fall Apart tonight at the Chelsea Barnes & Noble. If you go, try not to think of the title as a directive. [Cristina Henriquez]
• A variety show, a dating contest, and a hot dog eating contest, all wrapped into one: Love Ahoy! takes over Galapagos Art Space. Nautical stuff is so in right now. [Love Ahoy]
• Wilderness and the Big Sleep play at Northsix tonight. Or you could rent the movie and spare yourself the inevitable Pabst hangover. [flavorpill]
• AMI editorial director Bonnie Fuller appears — in the flesh — to read from her new book. If you're lucky, maybe she'll autograph your favorite Photoshopped Star cover. [Paper]
• Psapp delights at the Mercury Lounge tonight, which may mean nothing until we tell you that they "sing" the theme song for Grey's Anatomy. Now you're excited. We can tell. [flavorpill]
• On the other end of the reading spectrum, celebrity-gossip-writer-turned-good Shari Goldhagen gives a reading of her new book Family and Other Accidents tonight at the Corner Bookstore. Disclaimer: She's engaged to Deadspin editor Will Leitch, so be sure to hit her with lots of obscure sports trivia. We bet she'll love that.
• The only thing hipper than a graphic novel right now is a graphic novel come to life, complete with a musical score. Try on the new black with the Rosenbach Company, tonight at Joe's Pub. [flavorpill]
• Two-for-one Ibsen: MoMA screens A Doll's House and Nora Helmer, two film takes on the gold standard in Norwegian tragic theater. If you're going to be bored, might as well be bored on a budget. [Paper]
• Looking for some care-free Monday fun? Check out "Divining the Tea Leaves: A Post Elections Analysis of the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict" tonight at the New School. Next week: Tarot cards tackle Iraq. [Upcoming]
Friday
• Jennifer Aniston finally vindicates herself (without the use of a bloated boyfriend) in Friends with Money, opening today. We hear it's good. No, really. [flavorpill]
• Jack White's other band, the Raconteurs, hits up Irving Plaza tonight. Go and scream at 'em to play "Seven Nation Army." Bet they'll love that. [Paper
Saturday:
• Art is all around us, as the Brooklyn Poster Show proves by making an exhibit out of rock posters. Also, there are free drinks. We buried the lede. [Paper]
• The Bowery Ballroom presents Lake Trout with the Harlem Shakes. Neither are edible, alas. [flavorpill]
Sunday:
• It's time for the Freedom Festival, where undiscovered bands fight the man and rally against the music industry's corruption. Or so they do until they get a record deal. [Upcoming]
