Just last week, TripAdvisor awarded the Desert Inn Resort in Daytona Beach the title of third-dirtiest hotel in America. (Belated congrats, guys!) The hotel's owner celebrated by being arrested on child porn charges (again).

Convicted pervert, billionaire blogger, and oval-shaped penis-haver Jeffrey Epstein has moved back to New York! His welcome: A Law & Order episode fictionalizing crimes against teen girls, a party with Katie Couric, and the most exclusive sex offender classification available.

To contextualize the allegation that LiLo stole a $2500 necklace, here's a handy guide to LiLo's kleptomania: $400,000 necklace, $11,000 mink coat, $35,000 Rolex, photo shoot jewelry, Louis Vuitton samples, her friend's clothes. Our hearts. [The Gloss]

Rapper Juelz Santana was arrested Tuesday after police raided his New Jersey recording studio and found two loaded pistols and a bunch of "suspected marijuana" — all "within 1,000 feet of a school zone." Oops.

Ugandan police have arrested a suspect in the murder of gay rights activist David Kato.

Rikers Island inmate Shaheed Bilal has been charged with forging fake credit cards to buy $1 million worth of iPads and Mac laptops and then selling them nationwide at a discount. Talk about an inside Jobs. Get it? Jobs!

Ngozi Pole, ex-Sen. Ted Kennedy's office manager for four years, was convicted yesterday of stealing more than $75,000 from the staff budget through secret "bonuses" he gave himself. Good. Now that that's cleared up, Washington is 100% theft-free again.

Renato Seabra (pictured), the Portuguese model who confessed to attacking, stabbing, bludgeoning, and castrating his companion, fashion journalist Carlos Castro, in order to "get rid of demons," is pleading not guilty. His optimistic attorney promises "a vigorous defense." [Photo via]

Super Bowl XLV is this weekend! Oh, but it's also "one of the biggest human trafficking events in the United States."

A University of Rhode Island professor of "entrepreneurial management" has been arrested for felony mortgage fraud. Entrepreneurial!

Jayme Biendl, a 34-year-old prison guard at Monroe Correctional Complex in Washington state, was strangled to death on Saturday in the prison chapel. An inmate serving a life sentence, who may have been attempting to escape, is the chief suspect.

Police in Tampa, Fla. have arrested 50-year-old mother Julie Schenecker for the murder of her two children. "She [told] us that they talked back and they were mouthy," said a police spokeswoman.

The FBI said that the "Geezer Bandit" robbed another bank on Friday, when an old man wearing a blazer hit a Bank of America branch in Goleta. There's a paltry $20,000 reward for information leading to his arrest.

75-year-old Joy Cassidy pleaded guilty to malicious injury to property for dumping syrup and ketchup into an Idaho library's book drop at least ten times in retaliation for being banned. Don't mess with an old person's library privileges. [Idaho Statesman]

Tihomir Petrov, a math professor at Cal State Northridge, has been charged with two misdemeanors for allegedly pissing on a colleague's office door due to some sort of dispute between the two. The school took this dispute very seriously.

The FBI executed more than 40 search warrants today in connection with its investigation into Operation Payback, last month's wave of cyber attacks targeting companies that cut off Wikileaks. Things are not looking good for Anonymous.

According to a new report, killer Tracy Province planned to commit 'suicide by bear' in Yellowstone park this summer while on the lam. Instead, he gave himself up. But how does one commit suicide by bear? Here's how!

Before the Tucson shooting, cops says suspect Jared Lee Loughner looked up information about previous political assassinations and websites about lethal injections. How long until someone blames the shooting on the Wikipedia entry for John Wilkes Booth?

See what happens when they try to make police stations "less bunker-like?" Never again!

An 18-year-old Washington woman was sentenced to 15 months in prison after drunkenly stabbing someone who made fun of her stinky feet. First the Connecticut fart stabber, now this? Warning: taunting drunk people about their stench might lead to stabbing.