Lindsay Lohan had her millionth day in court today, this time to be arraigned on grand theft charges related to a necklace she supposedly stole from a store. She has to pony up $20,000 bail for that charge and another $20,000 for violating her parole for a string of DUIs that she already served a brief sentence for.
Has anyone seen 700,000 ultrathin Japanese condoms? Malaysian police are looking for them. The condoms, manufactured by the Sagami Rubber Corporation, were loaded onto a container in Malaysia last week, but never arrived in Japan (the container did arrive, empty, with its locks changed). Rest assured, no expense is being spared:
Police say they found a "small bag" of crack hidden inside the foreskin of one Antoine Banks, late of Fairdale, Ky., during a strip search ordered after another small bag of cocaine was found "tied to the waistband of Banks' boxers." There are, probably, better places on one's body to secrete contraband—certainly there are more comfortable places—but the drug-concealing ability of the male human foreskin is, I think, an under-explored aspect of the circumcision debate. [WLKY]
Well, this is quite depressing. Watch as an older gentleman at a Shell gas station in Seattle robs another older gentleman at gunpoint, albeit extremely politely/apologetically. Is this the most polite armed robbery ever? The saddest? You be the judge.
And the award for Badass of the Day goes to... this red-coated English granny, who scared off a group of would-be jewelry store robbers in the English town of Northampton by hitting them with her giant purse. Get it, girl.
Even an online cesspool has limits. Ali Saad now says "I got fucked for" visiting 4chan's notorious /b/ message board, but his talk of going on a shooting spree at his Michigan community college probably better explains his FBI arrest.
America's pharmacies are under assault by desperate junkies willing to do anything for their next Oxycontin fix! If you went to high school in small-town America, this is old news; you almost certainly know at least one guy who was doing this way before it was a New York Times-certified trend. Wherever there is an assured supply of opiates, so too will there be a screwdriver-wielding mullet-sporter willing to menace a Rite Aid employee in order to get some of those opiates. But now, it must be admitted, the crimes are costing our nation's pharmacies a bit of their traditional charm:
Columbia University: where you can almost taste the class conflict lapping at the edge of campus. According to a credulity-straining (fictional?) report in The Morningside Post, Columbia student Jane Watkins was hurrying up 114th on her way to class when she was rudely mugged. By very polite muggers!
