Today is National Hot Dog Day! Unfortunately, the president of the National Pork Producers Council is unavailable to celebrate, since he was arrested this afternoon in Washington trying to enter a Capitol complex office with his unlicensed 9mm pistol. He's probably being grilled by police.

Congressional Republicans have a new plan to address unaccompanied minors crossing into the U.S. from Mexico. It deploys U.S. troops to the border and mandates "aggressive information campaigns" in Central American nations, as well as US-run "repatriation centers" on their soil.

A "left wing liberal" campaigning for Virginia Rep. Eric Cantor's House seat has put a $100,000 bounty on nude photos of Texas Tech cheerleader and big-game hunter Kendall Jones.

The wealthy congressman moves easily through his South Carolina district, from his plantation home to Kazoobie Kazoos to Larry Toomer of Bluffton to "a heavyset man with a goatee" sipping tequila from a Solo cup. It's not a Flannery O'Connor grotesque. It's the life of cheating hypocrite Mark Sanford.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas), perhaps in an effort to deflect media aspersions cast on his legislative intellect, is fast adopting a new reputation on Capitol Hill: a ninja Nacogdoches Nosferatu who will creep up on your video or photo shoot so hard.

John Boehner is making a concession to his right-wing colleagues with a plan to sue (but not impeach) Barack Obama for being king or something. Michele Bachmann will articulate that plan to Fox News now. But Fox News' Neil Cavuto ain't having any of it.

Sarah Palin-endorsed candidates are losing primaries, so maybe Sarah Palin will leave the Republican Party. "If Republicans are going to act like Democrats, what's the use in getting all gung ho about getting other Republicans in there?" she tells Sean Hannity. Yes. Yes.

The wheels of governance came off the American democracy wagon long ago, but House Speaker John Boehner appears reluctantly determined to heed his party's demands and make sure the wagon's axles are ground down to sparking hunks of useless iron.

Mike Turner, the millennial bro whose mother bankrolled his campaign with $802,721—twice as much as his closest competitor spent—finished fourth in his GOP primary for Congress last night. Turner, who still lives at home, got 7,757 votes. His parents spent about 104 bucks a vote.

Today the Congressional Gold Medal — "Congress' highest expression of national appreciation for distinguished achievements" — was posthumously awarded to Martin Luther King Jr. and Coretta Scott King. Here are John Boehner, Harry Reid, and the gang showing their enthusiastic appreciation during the ceremony:

Mike Turner is 27, and his parents really must want him to move the hell out. So much so that they've dedicated more than $600,000 to his candidacy to the U.S. House of Representatives.

Not content to let truth-minded conservatives do their job, the White House made a wild attempt to pre-empt congressional scrutiny of its Benghazi failures by catching one of the architects of the Benghazi attack in a daring nighttime raid.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas), the pride of Nacogdoches, tells a liberal Christian pastor that the pastor is not really a Christian. In the middle of a televised hearing. Because Louie Gohmert knows things.

Beating Republican House Majority Leader Eric Cantor in the Virginia Republican primary yesterday was "the happiest moment, obviously, of my life," said Dave Brat, a married father of two.

Now that Veterans Affairs Secretary Eric Shinseki has fallen on his sword, the agency can finally give our growing population of ill and aging vets the care they deserve, right? Not according to the many frazzled VA employees who have sent Gawker their stories. Here's one.

Remember Rep. Vance McAllister? Of course you do. He knows about leaks: leaked videos of him philandering, leaked texts of his guilt. And he would like these stupid tree-huggers to stop trashing the patriotic geniuses who fixed leaking oil pipelines with your dad's station-wagon emergency kit:

John Boehner does not want 500,000 beautiful acres in New Mexico to be designated a national monument. I mean, he does, but Obama wanted it more and, you know, fuck that guy.

Look well upon the chart above these words. This proves that we're all hypocrites, or unable to control our political destinies, or both.

Yesterday morning, video surfaced of Rep. Joe Garcia (D-FL) picking his ear and eating it on C-Span. Last night, the good congressman explained himself, saying the whole matter could've been avoided if only he'd listened to his mom.

Clay Aiken won the Democratic nomination for North Carolina's 2nd congressional district this afternoon, just one day after his primary opponent, Keith Crisco, died from injuries suffered in a fall.