The frenzy surrounding college admissions has reached fraudulent levels. A college kid has been arrested for allegedly helping at least six students at a Long Island high school cheat on their SATs.

Since everyone in America aged 17-29 smartly decided to "wait out the recession" by enrolling in college—a magical fantasy land which temporarily makes your lack of purpose in life disappear—it stands to reason that college graduation rates would also be rising, right? All those motivated young go-getters just raring to acquire skills with which to grab the world by the throat, and eat it? Right? No.

The campus police at the University of Wisconsin-Stout deserve praise, bravery medals, and $100 gift certificates to their favorite steakhouse for ripping down theater professor James Miller's Firefly poster before it could murder any students. Oh wait—not praise and etc., but ridicule.

Last year, when Israeli Ambassador Michael Oren announced his intention to speak at the University of California at Irvine, some members of the school's Muslim Students Union plotted to inform Oren of their feelings about some of Israel's policies. They used their voices to do so. This is illegal!

A new survey reveals that U.S. colleges increasingly favor rich students who can pay their way without financial assistance even if they're dumber than poorer kids (unlikely). For you poor kids out there, this is good news: You can stop studying now. It doesn't matter anymore.

It was the coolest of times, it was the crappiest of times. B.o.B., a famous rapper, came all the way to Ithaca to play a show at Cornell University. This was, according to locals, cool. But then he went and ran up a $1,060 bill at a local bar, and refused to pay the waiter. This was, according to locals, not cool. The Cornell Daily Sun reports:

Remember the "15 minute rule" in college where if a professor wasn't there 15 minutes after class was supposed to start, you were allowed to leave? Well, some students at University of Pennsylvania got the extreme version of that, when their class was canceled because the professor died.

Are you "rational" when it comes to thinking about college? Hey, get real, jerk. Of course not. Whether you're a parent or a college-bound student, your brain is little more than a mishmash of various glossy college brochure stock photos and loan rate percentages that you can't even calculate. I hope you're not a math major, you irrational fool.

Some white University of Montreal students who wore blackface and (in at least one case) Paul Frank monkey shorts to an Olympics-themed "sports and physical activity awareness" event were not trying to be racist (or insult Germans), guys! They were actually honoring a Jamaican running legend.

Yesterday, we brought you the story of Sarah Grunfeld, the 22 year-old student at York University who ran out and publicly accused her (Jewish) sociology professor of anti-Semitism when he said the phrase "Jews should be sterilized"—as an example of a bad opinion. Grunfeld's reasoning: "The words, ‘Jews should be sterilized' still came out of his mouth, so regardless of the context I still think that's pretty serious."

Kids these days should be thankful to even get accepted into a community college, what with the parents of kids these days having so little money to donate to the endowments of Ivy League universities. Unfortunately for kids these days, community colleges these days are way more crappy than expensive colleges these days. Sucks to be poor these days!

Cameron Johnston is a professor of social sciences at York University in Canada. He is Jewish. But the bad part is, he's also a Nazi! Fire him at once! Wait... what did he say?

Some students at the College of Charleston in South Carolina are calling for the impeachment of their student body president because he posted super-offensive tweets about other students on the Twitter. But is their campaign driven by morality or revenge? Maybe both! Let's see if we can figure out which party's acting the most assholish here.

Perhaps you thought your freshman year would be one long debauchery festival featuring a few term papers here and there interspersed with copious amounts of alcohol, marijuana, ecstasy, hashish, hash oil, opium, ketamine, cocaine, GHB, DMT, DXM, LSD, salvia, amphetamine, methamphetamine, nitrous oxide, ayahuasca, ibogaine, peyote, and various distillations of regional hallucinogenic plants.

Want to be a teacher? Found out recently that you have to go to "college" to be a teacher? Upset at the high price of college? Looking for the cheapest possible way to be a teacher? Groupon!

Al Jazeera English's Evan Hill tweeted an update about UCLA math major Chris Jeon, who tried to spend his summer vacation fighting with Libyan rebels:

Cal State San Bernardino associate professor Stephen Kinzey not only taught kinesiology, but he was allegedly the leader of a meth-selling biker gang, the Devils Diciples. The Los Angeles Times reports that an arrest warrant is out for Kinzey after police raided his home and found all sorts of goodies. And while we say allegedly, this guy's exteme goatee kind of gives him away. But still, this is pretty crazy:

Journalists reporting on Libya's civil war have stumbled upon 21-year-old UCLA math student Chris Jeon, who has joined the Libyan rebels because "It is the end of my summer vacation, so I thought it would be cool to join the rebels."

Remember the Great Columbia University Frat Boy Drug Bust of 2010? Frat boy cocaine kingpin Harrison David is heading to Rikers Island: He turned himself in today to serve six months in jail, followed by five years of probation. With good behavior and time served (his plastic surgeon father refused to bail him out for two weeks after the arrest) the 20-year-old will likely serve three and a half months.

It's a day of the year, which means it's time for an online media outlet to produce a listicle of colleges, ranked upon some wacky basis! The Daily Beast tries to cover every conceivable college listicle angle today—but they stop after ranking only the categories of Best International Schools, Best Party Schools, Most Beautiful, Happiest, Brainiacs, Activists, Best Food, Future CEOs, Artistic, Least Rigorous, Cheapest, Return on Investment, Most Rigorous, Free-Spirited, Horniest, Gay-Friendly, Best Weather, Computer Geeks, Accessible Professors, Future Politicians, Greenest, and Foreign Students.