Normally you can count on Alec Baldwin to deliver uncensored digs at his ex-wife Kim Basinger (and, occasionally, his little daughter Ireland). But Baldwin's new "divorce diary," A Promise to Ourselves: Fatherhood, Divorce, and Family Law, seems like it's going to be a snoozer. According to the book's flimsy introduction—which Baldwin handed out at BookExpo in LA over the weekend—the tome skips over dirty details of his marriage to Basinger and instead focuses on judges, marriages counselors, lawyers, and the "corrupt" American divorce court system in general. Why would someone trying to sell books leave out all the juicy details, you ask? Blame it on the judge: Many of the specifics of Baldwin's battle with Basinger are sealed under court order. Baldwin was smart enough, however, to slip a choice insult or two into interviews with the press: "My ex-wife reaches an almost sexual level of satisfaction when she's in a room full of high-priced lawyers."

The Times has details on weather-manipulating Danish-Icelandic artist Olafur Eliasson's soon-to-debut public art project, "New York City Waterfalls." On June 26th, the city will flip the switch on his four 90-to-120-foot-tall freestanding waterfalls parked at different points in the East River. Sounds magical, doesn't it? Actually, it might be a whole lot more breathtaking than anybody bargained for: This is the East River we're talking about, a body of water that makes most people gag when they merely catch a whiff of it. There's likely to be a whole lot more than water raining down (raw sewage, needles, severed limbs), but what a sight it will be for tourists on the Circle Line!

We couldn't help but notice your post today about Wilhelmina Models president Sean Patterson, who lists his age as 35. How convenient that he's 35 and he's promoting She's Got the Look, a reality show about models who are 35 and older, huh? Yea, well, Patterson's actually 37. But we'll chalk it up to poetic license just this once!

Scientologists do not appreciate it when you protest their LRH-granted right to ruin your life. For the past few weeks groups of so-called Anons—Scientology opponents who wear goofy masks to conceal their identities out of fear of reprisals from Scientologists—have been staked outside the Church of Scientology's New York HQ on West 46th Street, protesting the frighteningly weird religion's policy of Fair Game, whereby anyone who threatens or undermines the Church "may be tricked, sued or lied to or destroyed." John Carmichael, the president of the Church's New York chapter, abided by the crowd's hectoring for a while but then totally lost it. His meltdown commenced when he ran up to a (male) Anon and screamed "I smell pussy...YOU." Click through to watch him wig out, Xenu-style.

The Strokes' Fabrizio Moretti is 28 today. Scandal-plagued district attorney-turned-TV talking head Jeanine Pirro is 57, as is American Express CEO Ken Chenault. Afro-lovin' Princeton professor Cornel West is 55. And New York Times columnist (and now HBO consultant) Frank Rich is 59.

It may be the middle of election season and Keith Olbermann might be enjoying record ratings, but things aren't going nearly as swimmingly for MSNBC's Dan Abrams. In late 2007 he returned to an on-air role after a shortlived (and, by all accounts, unsuccessful) stint as the network's general manager. But despite the hoopla at the time that he'd help bolster MSNBC's sagging lineup, Abrams has yet to make much a dent in the ratings. His show Verdict, which debuted in March 2008, doesn't hold a candle to Hannity & Colmes, which has nearly four times as many viewers. And his rather obvious effort to gin ratings by copying his more successful colleague Keith Olbermann—he now uses a good part of his hour to mock Fox News personalities like Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Brit Hume, and Shepard Smith—has yet to pay off the way it has for Olbermann. The clearest sign of his struggle to stay afloat? The guests he's booked over the past few weeks...

Didn't get to party with Diddy in Cannes last week? How unfortunate. You missed out on your chance to climb aboard the Maraya, the 177-foot yacht that Diddy chartered. A young, impressionable reporter for the Daily Mirror was lucky enough to land an invite, just in time to watch an assistant brush Diddy's hair:

The Post rather idiotically suggests that "Wall Street big shots" are now "abandoning expensive limo rides and their gas guzzlers" and opting to bike to work instead due to "soaring fuel costs." The article failed to list a single Wall Street big shot as proof, but we'll be sure to keep our eyes peeled for sightings of Steve Schwarzman or Lloyd Blankfein pedaling through Midtown like a couple of bike messengers. [NY Post]

We have no idea what this psychotic woman walking down Fifth Avenue is raving about, but we'll give her points for her frothing-at-the-mouth hatred of tourists.

Last week the Times suggested that Oprah's show was losing relevance. Today it's AdAge with a piece that exposes the seamy business of product promotion on the media queen's daytime talk show: "It helps a whole lot if Oprah likes your brand or its ads. It helps more still if Oprah's producers like you. And it possibly helps even more if Oprah likes you or the person endorsing your brand. Oh, and another, murkier point: Some PR people believe it may help to 'do a sponsorship,' as one put it." [Ad Age]

The Linda Stein murder caper felt like a Law & Order episode all along. So it's no surprise the show is now appropriating the sensational real-life crime for a plotline. Joan Jett will star as the slain rock manager-turned-realty bigshot and Det. Mike Logan (Chris Noth) will solve the homicide in an hour or less. [NY Post]

British/Sri Lankan songstress M.I.A, who's made a career out of critiquing American imperialism and namechecking the PLO, is reportedly marrying into the mega-rich, and Jewish, Bronfman family. She's engaged to Ben Brewer, the son of Edgar Bronfman Jr. and his first wife Sherri Brewer, and the guitarist for rock band The Exit. M.I.A.—or Maya Arulpragasam—recently announced that her visa was about to expire and she'd either have to marry an American or move to Canada. She's landed the triple whammy now: Her future father-in-law isn't only a billionaire, he's also the chairman and CEO of Warner Music, which means that a fresh record contract may very well come with the marriage and the Green card. And just think of how much more amusing Passover seder at the Bronfmans will be next year.

After her last directorial effort, Marie Antoinette, was met with a chorus of derision, Sofia Coppola has lowered her ambitions slightly: She's shooting some TV commercials for Miss Dior Chérie perfume. Her mom, meanwhile, has written an "intimate" book about their family, Notes On a Life. [Fashion Week Daily/Reuters]

• Longtime drug addict Tatum O'Neal was busted for buying crack near her Lower East Side apartment on Sunday night. [NY Post]

Staffers at Tina Brown's new Barry Diller-backed website should brace themselves: Nicholas Coleridge, the managing director of Condé Nast UK, remembers what it was like working under Brown at society mag Tatler:

French Vogue editor Carine Roitfeld's daughter Julia Restoin-Roitfeld has been spending her twenties lightly dabbling in modeling and design work as befitting her it-girl status, but she's now starting up a magazine with her Swedish model boyfriend, Magnus Berger. The Last will be newspaper format and they're calling it an indie, but we have a feeling backers and advertisers won't be too hard to find. [Fashionista]

Clinton aides spent the weekend in a tizzy over Todd Purdham's Vanity Fair article "The Comeback Id," which appears in the July issue and is now online. The former Times reporter—and husband of former Clinton press secretary DeeDee Myers—had a field day with the former president, questioning his ties to rich pervs (Ron Burkle, Jeffrey Epstein, Steve Bing), murky financial dealings, health issues, and—best of all—addressing the reports of frequent infidelity in recent years:

The out-of-control crowd wasn't the only snafu at last week's Sex and the City premiere. It turns out that the silver pleated Nina Ricci dress that Sarah Jessica Parker wore down the red carpet had been worn before—by Lauren Santo Domingo.

Another day, another young celeb's indiscreet and gently ambisexual set of pics find their way into the public eye. This time it's the turn of 19-year-old British model Daisy Lowe—Mark Ronson's current girlfriend and Gavin Rossdale's long-lost love child—who's also regaled readers of GQ with her impressions of what passes for romance in New York. [The Sun]

Did you miss the ridiculously fawning profile of Tyra Banks in the New York Times Magazine over the weekend? A 100-word recap!