Looking for a little diversion from the disturbing news about the bailout, economic meltdown, and upcoming elections? You can now watch Apple pitchman John Hodgman read his spam email aloud, if you're so inclined. [BBtv]

Here's a newsflash: Pushers of facecreams slap lots of pseudoscientific words on their labels, leading consumers to believe said creams actually work. Terms like "nanospheres," "biotechnology," and "pro-collagen," lend a plausible veneer to claims that wrinkle treatments are going to change your life beyond the little rush of endorphins from opening a pretty package, reports the Times.

The MTA is facing a projected budget deficit of nearly $900 million next year. So how is the agency planning to raise some extra cash? By wrapping subway cars in ads, that's how! That means that in addition to the ads you usually see inside the cars (not to mention on the platforms and in stairwells), now the exteriors of subway cars will promote slip-and-fall lawyers and TOEFL classes, too. Actually, the first ad, which will be unveiled later today, won't be quite that low-brow—it's for the History Channel. (The photo to the left is from Stockholm.) But just think of how unappealing it will be to stand on a subway platform and see a train roll into the station with a 23-foot ad featuring the beaming face of Dr. Jonathan Zizmor.

Michael Bloomberg will hold a press conference at noon in which he's expected to formally announce his plans to seek a third term as mayor. [City Room]

What with the economy dangling on a thread and one of the scariest election run-ups in history, you'd be forgiven for not remembering that it's National Book Month! But Sony is kindly reminding us with a less-than-inspired stunt to promote its E-Book device: Dave Farrow, a "speed-reading guru," will be sitting in the window of the Datavision electronics store in Midtown reading for 14 hours a day for the next 30 days.

Okay, so this isn't really Sarah Palin's Amazon wishlist. But it's hilarious anyway. [Amazon.com] Update: the list's been taken down!

♦ Natalie Portman has landed a buyer for the three-bedroom apartment at 165 Charles Street that she listed at $6.55 million this summer. [NYP]
♦ The situation at the Plaza is getting worse: Esprit exec Jurgen Friedrich has pulled his fifth-floor spread off the market just a day after listing it for $55 million, which means at least six units at the Plaza have now been taken off the market without a buyer in the past two months. [NYP]
♦ Alson Capital analyst Greg Lyss and his wife Jennifer paid $4.63 million for two fifth-floor units at 190 Riverside Drive. [Cityfile]
♦ Financier Martin Zweig has taken his penthouse at the Pierre off the market, nearly four years after first listing it for $70 million. [NYP]
♦ The price of Leona Helmsley's massive, 40-acre Dunnellen Hall estate in Greenwich has been slashed from from $125 million to (just!) $95 million. [NYP, Christie's]

Donna Karan is celebrating her 60th birthday today, although you'd probably never guess it thanks to all the juice diets, yoga, Reiki and Kabbalah classes, and "therapeutic screaming" sessions. Others celebrating today: Photographer Annie Leibovitz is 59. Kelly Ripa is 38. Lorraine Bracco is turning 54. Sting is 57. And '80s pop star Tiffany is celebrating her 37th birthday.

Big real estate is loving the idea of a third term for Michael Bloomberg. "I think he's the greatest mayor we've ever had," says mega-developer Doug Durst. "Let's keep him forever," says Alex Sapir, the son of billionaire real estate tycoon Tamir Sapir. "He's the best mayor New York has had—certainly in my lifetime," offered up Jed Walentas, the son of Brooklyn landowner David Walentas. Of course, it doesn't hurt that Bloomberg has been especially generous with the real estate industry during his term, and the thought of some career politician coming in and mucking things up makes them shudder. But steel yourself for what's going to come in 2013. Donald Trump is already thinking ahead: "Fourth term? Absolutely! I think it would be great." [NYO]

♦ Britney Spears went to a Bronx school yesterday to visit some children. Unfortunately, the school was closed for the second day of Rosh Hashanah, so her handlers had to rustle up a bunch of other kids for the photo op. [OK!]
♦ Adnan Ghalib is backtracking on his Britney sex tape story. He now says there never was one to begin with. [MSNBC]
♦ Larry Flynt says his company has already shot a new porn movie starring a Sarah Palin look-alike, although he's not revealing the title yet. [R&M]
♦ Are Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady getting married? [Chicago Sun-Times]
♦ The woman who spotted Heather Locklear's car swerving and dialed 911 was former Us Weekly staffer Jill Ishkanian, who now runs a paparazzi photo agency of her own. [MSNBC]

♦ Now comes the hard part. After winning the vote in the Senate last night, the bailout bill will head to the House for a Friday vote. [NYT, WSJ]
♦ John Thain will be staying put at Bank of America, contrary to initial rumors. He'll become the combined company's president of global banking, securities and wealth management. Who wants to hunt for a job in this economy? [MW]
♦ "Warren Buffett has become the new triple-A credit rating system." [NYT]
♦ Dick Fuld's last day in his corner office may come tomorrow. [WSJ]
♦ First-time applications for unemployment benefits rose to the highest level in seven years. [Bloomberg]

Financier Jeffrey Epstein has spent the last three months sitting in a jail cell in Palm Beach, serving out an 18-month sentence for hiring underage girls to perform "erotic massages." But he isn't lacking creature comforts! The Smoking Gun was thoughtful enough to file a Freedom of Information Request to secure his commissary receipts, which means you now can review every single thing Jeff has purchased since he checked into the big house. It's a 12-page list and includes tasty delights like Lil' Chub Sausage, Ms. Vickie's Salt & Vinegar potato chips, O'Brien's Hickory Smoked Beef, Teriyaki Meat Sticks, and Instant Spanish Rice.

After sufficiently loading it up with some pork, the Senate passed the bailout bill this evening by a vote of 74-25 and it will now head to the House for a vote on Friday. This should come as happy news if you happen to have an interest in archery and rum production: The bill will now eliminate the 39-cent excise tax on wooden arrows designed for children as well as reduce the taxes imposed on companies that import rum from the Virgin Islands. Seriously. Really. Ah, yes, another day in Washington.

♦ Kate Betts sits down with Tom Ford and Karl Lagerfeld for an interview, which was also filmed if you can cope with seeing Karl's ponytail up close. [Time]
♦ Suzy Menkes celebrates 20 years at the IHT, and fashion stars including Marc Jacobs, Karl Lagerfeld, Donatella Versace, Alber Elbaz, Anna Wintour, and John Galliano offer their video tributes. [The Moment]
♦ Sofia Coppola is designing a line of handbags and shoes for Louis Vuitton. The company must have searched far and wide to find this unknown talent so deserving of a break. [WWD]

Why did the bailout fail to win approval in the House earlier this week? It wasn't marketing properly, naturally. "'Bailout' connotes failure, and Americans hate failure," one veteran publicist tells AdAge. "There is nothing redemptive about a bailout. What if this had been called a 'rescue' from the beginning? Or the 'Save Our Homes Act'?" Oh, also: the administration probably should have recruited a celebrity to pitch it instead of sending George Bush or a haggard Hank Paulson to the podium. Says one strategist: "The first rule of any PR campaign is to find the most credible voices you can to be your message deliverers." Anyone know what Oprah's up to this week?

♦ Convivio earned a three-star review in the Times today; chef Michael White, says Frank Bruni, "can do it all." [NYT]
♦ Armin Amiri's plans for Cafe Socialista? He says he's turning it into an "exclusive" 24-hour diner. [NYO]
♦ Jean-Georges Vongerichten's next project is a restaurant in the Mark Hotel. [Page 6]
♦ Amy Sacco just renovated Bungalow 8, but whether that's enough to bring back her A-list clientele is still up for debate. [NYO, GofaG]
♦ Chef Paul Liebrandt chats about his new restaurant, Corton, which he's opening with Drew Nieporent. [Metromix]
♦ Le Parker Meridian is opening a new bar called Knave. [NYT]
♦ JE Englebert, the publicity-seeking owner Prime and Suzie Wong, says he's starting a group called New Yorkers Against Bottle Service. [GS]

Which one of these is Kelly Ripa's real belly-button? Don't know? Don't care? Thankfully we have the Huffington Post to investigate whether the editors at Shape magazine have been playing fast and loose with Ripa's navel. Now she just needs to stand up tomorrow and lift up her shirt and we'll know for sure. [Huffpo]

♦ Now that Tina Fey is suddenly cool again, publishers are falling over themselves to sign her as an author. The bidding is up to $6 million. [NYP]
♦ Katie Couric: She's back! [AP]
♦ Footage of Elisabeth Hasselbeck feuding with the other View gals over Sarah Palin this morning. [MollyGood]
♦ Norman Lear is teaming up with HBO on a drama series about "the world of 1970s pro wrestling." [THR]
♦ NBC has picked up a remake of the Partridge Family. [THR]
♦ TV's fall lineup has been a ratings disappointment. [WSJ]
♦ Solid ratings for House and Fringe elevated Fox to No. 1 on Tuesday. [TV Decoder]
♦ Citizen journalism has its dangers. Just ask CBS! [AdAge]

Judi Giuliani looked pretty foolish last Friday after the Times reported on the allegations made by Russell Harding, the former administration official who launched a blog last month containing all sorts of embarrassing tidbits about the ex-mayor's third wife. (Among other things, Harding described how Judi wrangled a low-income apartment using Rudy's ties to the real estate industry, and described how she routinely abused the NYPD officers assigned to protect her.) The Giulianis refused to answer questions on the record, but clearly the salacious revelations hurt. This past weekend, Rudy and Judi did what they generally do on the weekends: they hit the golf course. And poor Judi had her worst outing in a year and a half. The ups and downs of Judi golf game after the jump.

Like the world needed any more reason to regret the existence of Sarah Palin: Killing defenseless animals for thrills, a sport which has been in decline for some strange reason, has received a big boost from the God fearing Alaskan's high-profile association with huntin' and shootin'. According to the Wall Street Journal, the prospective veep is encouraging women to view hunting as not just for the guys even more effectively than weapons manufacturers' downsized pink guns and crossbows.