“Where have all the baby Jesuses gone?” ask New Jersey citizens, befuddled by the sudden disappearance of our lord and savior, the newborn lamb.

Look no further: the best Christmas story of the year has been found.

We’ve all been naughty over the past century, and we’re finally getting coal (emissions) this Christmas.

Here is a plainly delightful story. As a means of enchanting neighborhood children as well as advertising that all dinner parties at their home will be very uncomfortable, a family in Maine decided to express their disdain for the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant with a Christmas decoration that depicts the jolly folk hero Santa Claus urinating on lights that spell out the acronym “ISIS.”

I hate to spoil the thrill of opening presents for all of you, but you are probably getting a gun for Christmas this year.

A Business Improvement District in the Bronx has cancelled its annual Christmas tree lighting ceremony because they used their budget to hire a security guard to shoo away homeless people, instead. Merry Christmas.

Donald Trump, it turns out, may not be the Christmas Grinch we all thought he was. No, he’s something much worse: a heat miser with a heart of coal, but a façade as warm and tan as a plump Christmas goose.

Among other things, Bruce Oreck is a former body-builder, the son vacuum magnate David Oreck and the U.S. Ambassador to Finland. But far more importantly, he's the winner of the State Department's (imaginary) "Best Christmas Card" contest three years running, thanks to ambitiously weird images like this one, released via Oreck's Facebook on Wednesday.

According to police, health officials have found a synthetic drug in the Christmas cakes that caused 40 people to fall ill with nausea, hallucinations and out-of-body experiences in California this week.

Thirteen-year-old Malik Bryant lives on Chicago's south side, in the high-crime Englewood neighborhood. In his letter to Santa this year, Malik has only one request: "All I ask for is for safety. I just wanna be safe."

What is it like to work at an Amazon warehouse during the annual holiday rush? One Amazon warehouse employee kindly narrated the "nonstop chaos" for us over the past month.

A woman and her three grandchildren were killed in a house fire in Ohio late Thursday night. The three children lived just two houses away—their parents were at the scene within minutes, police said—but wanted to spend Christmas night with their grandmother.

A couple in Ohio was robbed of four puppies on Christmas morning. Puppies! Can you imagine?

By now, most of your presents are opened, the torn, crumpled wrapping paper strewn among the dry pine needles on the floor. The egg nog is dangerously low, and you've probably started to run out of ways to distract yourself from your family. But fear not, dear reader, for someone probably has it worse than you.

It's Christmas!!!!! But who cares, because it's RUINED.

Perhaps feeling pressured to show up in the wake of his shorter costar's karaoke successes, Dwayne "The Rock" "Can u smell what the rock is cookin'" Johnson gave a try at some karaoke singing himself. On this morning's episode of LIVE With Kelly and Michael, a rock melted viewers' hearts with a go-get-em rendition of "Here Comes Santa Claus," featuring a cameo from everyone's favorite fat guy with a bag.

In a world filled with many too many objects, nothing makes people want to use one of appropriate shape and size to gouge out their own eyes more than holiday shopping.

Downing a quart of creamy mucilage in just 12 seconds, Ryan Roche of Lehi, Utah dominated an office eggnog chugging contest earlier this month. His prize? A $50 gift certificate to Ruth's Chris Steak House and three days in the hospital with pneumonia.

Here is a nightmare before Christmas: Love magazine's video of 19-year-old Kendall Jenner robotically dancing in her underwear with her mother and manager, the newly-divorced Kris Jenner. Both wear reindeer antlers and a disturbing lack of rhythm.

It has not been the most splendid holiday season for Madonna, who had an entire album's worth of new songs leak last week. Nonetheless, she appears to still be in the Christmas spirit. Above you see the lone Christmas decoration outside her mansion on 81st Street in Manhattan: a wreath with dangling chrome letters spelling out the phrase "DAT ASS."