The written word is not Rihanna's friend. Here, she poses with children while wearing a necklace that says "Fuck You." Don't you hate it when adorable children interfere with your badass 'tude?

This is Jonathan. Jonathan is three years old. And, if this video is to serve as any proof, Jonathan has quite a career ahead of him as a symphonic conductor. Watch as he flawlessly conducts Beethoven's 5th, and say "Aww!"

The president of Disney Channels Worldwide, the fearsomely named Carolina Lightcap, recently announced that the new Disney Junior channel, for kids ages 2-7, won't focus so much on academic education as social skills and behavior lessons. That's what moms want.

In a touching(ish) blog post making the rounds today, a mommy blogger (guhh) defends her son against some mean, judgmental moms who questioned whether or not her son should have worn a Daphne from Scooby Doo costume to school.

Yikes. A 10-year-old girl in Jerez de la Frontera—a city in the Andalusia region of Spain—just gave birth, and authorities can't decide whether or not to let her family keep the baby.

A Manhattan Judge ruled that a 4-year-old girl who ran down an elderly woman on her bicycle, causing her to break her hip and, eventually, die, can be sued for negligence. She won't be liable, though—her mom will.

In the Thursday edition of, "Cute kids doing cute and/or funny things," we have this: watch as a kid mimics—with great veracity and accuracy—the actions of a guard outside of Stockholm's Royal Palace. All together, now—bawwwww! Video inside.

Meet Cecilia Cassini, an 11-year-old fashion maven who has her own clothing line and is set to star in an inevitable reality show. She was on Nate Berkus's little talk program last week and good god. Kids are no more.

There are lots of somewhat disturbing studies out about children's online presence, and the adult creepiness that inevitably follows. Like this guy, and this guy, and this guy. Are oversharing parents endangering their children? Taiwan's Next Media Animation finds out!

Just as baby Moses floated to his destiny in a woven basket in the river Nile, 9-year-old Willow Smith arrives today in a weave of ornately-sculpted hair. Here is Will Smith's daughter's debut music video, "Whip My Hair."

On Tuesday, Rep. Ted Poe (R-TX) gave a speech about domestic violence on the floor of the US House of Representatives. Behind Poe sat his grandson, who repeatedly dozed off—even after being slapped by an aide! Watch inside.

Congressman Ted Poe took his grandson to the House floor earlier this week, to show the youngster American democracy in action! The grandson clearly wasn't impressed, however, and comically struggled to stay awake while grandpa shared terrifying domestic violence tales.

Oh dear. Cincinnati police have released cellphone video of a 21-year-old mother coaching her two-year-old daughter to smoke what appears to be a joint. The tape was sent to Family Services by a concerned person who witnessed the incident.

Last September, Barack Obama addressed the nation's schoolchildren to start the new academic year, and conservatives went insane. Many parents worried that Obama would "indoctrinate" their children with Marxism. So where's the angry chorus for this year's same speech?

Of Thee I Sing: A Letter to My Daughters will describe the lives of 13 "groundbreaking Americans," including famed vagina painter Georgia O'Keeffe, George Washington, and Jackie Robinson. Obama wrote it in 2008; proceeds will fund fallen veterans' children's educations. [ABCNews]

Botox shox! Stem cell freedom! Michelle my belle! Chronic fatigue! Fatigue of chronic! Chinese babies! Eat more veggies! Body blow! Body blow! Body blow! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—on our way out of town!

Remember those cartoons you loved as a kid like Rocko's Modern Life and Ren and Stimpy? They seemed so funny at first, but really there's some serious depravity going on. A collection of the worst innuendos and inappropriate jokes inside.

Florida Congressman Alan Grayson, the sarcastic freshman known for going on MSNBC to insult Republicans everyday, has released a surprisingly earnest TV ad, in which children build up to a rousing "Alan Grayson saved our schools!" chant. It's slightly over-the-top.

Everyone knows that exclusive private kindergartens in Manhattan are too expensive, too competitive, and make parents crazy. But one good story on $400 per hour kindergarten interview consultants really drives home the point: everyone involved here is awful.

Children of anonymous sperm donors are lobbying for legislation to ban men from spilling their seed without giving up their identities, so they'll be easier to track down. Related: potential fathers imagining needy teenagers drives sperm donation to all-time low.