Everyone's favorite topless egoist Gurbaksh "G" Chahal has a new startup and an agent at William Morris who has landed him a television appearance and a book deal (which, not surprisingly, is about him). But what of his older brother, Taj Chahal, the former VP of operations at ad network BlueLithium which was sold to Yahoo for $300 million? He's wasting his time, and his money, feeding the homeless at Martha's Kitchen in San Jose. He spent $8,000 catering a meal for local homeless on his birthday, and is pictured here pouring drinks for one of the approximately 300 who came to eat. So who, exactly, is the most eligible of the two Chahal brothers, both bachelor millionaires? Your move, G.

Famous artperson Damien Hirst may sell the jeans he makes for $80,000, but he has some t-shirts that are much more affordable. They're 30 pounds, which is slightly less than $80,000. The catch is that all the money goes to support the ominous RED (Global Fund), the celebrity-infused charity that is either saving the world, or plotting to take it over on the low. The shirts feature works of art that the diamond skull craftsman auctioned off earlier to support that charity. Overall, I'm pretty afraid of them. But if you like butterflies, or pills, or balloon animals, you might like the ones after the jump. Cause hey, celebrity artist on your shirt, right?

So American Idol's "Idol Gives Back" charity masturbathon aired last night. If you didn't watch it, it means you hate Africa. And children. Many, many important celebrities showed up to do their part. Bono traveled to Africa to speak with people affected by the AIDS pandemic and bloomed beautifully into twee little Irishman. Robin Williams continued to plunge comedy's toilet with his Oscar. Teri Hatcher warbled her way through that trashy Carrie Underwood song about cheatin'. Brad Pitt got touched by an adorable little stagehand. Oh, and millions and millions of dollars were raised for charities around the world. So I guess that's good!

Last month, a PR guy named Lloyd Trufelman floated the idea that perhaps PR firms should donate some money to the Committee to Protect Journalists, as a good will gesture to honor all the reporters who get killed every year (65, in 2007). What does he think PR is, a freaking charity? One brave PR executive was willing to stand up and say: give me a break with this bleeding heart suck up crap!

Heroic woman of dance Madonna has been working for almost a year on a documentary about the obscure African nation of Malawi, her pet cause ever since she adopted a son from the country in 2006. The Material Girl tells Interview magazine (in editor Ingrid Sischy's farewell issue) that, at the time, she "didn't know where Malawi was." That's what makes adoption logistics so difficult [NYP]! To further help the imperiled nation, Madonna teamed up with the good people at Gucci for an ostentatious luxury fundraiser that coincidentally also helped to promote the opening of Gucci's flagship store in NYC. And now it's clear that Gucci's commitment has not flagged—they're selling some items that will be very useful for Malawi-bound "jungle doctors":

Good news, boys! You can finally get a date with Scarlett Johansson, the S&M circus girl of your dreams. Like a firefighter from Staten Island, she's auctioning herself off for charity (specifically, OXFAM). The highest bidder will enjoy not only ScarJo's company, but a ride in a fancy limousine (like a millionaire or something!), the chance to go to the premiere of her new movie He's Just Not That Into You, and (the crown jewel) a note handwritten by the actress herself. I can't decide what will be more awkward: the quiet limousine ride where the fact that you paid for her time is so palpable you can feel it slapping you in the face, or the end-of-date mortification of Scarlett, obviously in a hurry, shoving a little piece of paper into your hand and saying "Uh, here's your note. It says 'Hi'" and then running away. The current bid on Ebay is $205. Ah, the greater good! [Us]

Lying author James Frey has designed a lunchbox that's being auctioned off to benefit two hunger-relief charities. But his lunchbox looks an awful lot like the one designed by Yoko Ono!

Last night there was a gala for Rosie O'Donnell's For All Kids Foundation. She told the audience "George Bush is a war criminal," and everybody applauded, even Fox Business Network's Cody Willard who was sitting at a table with Susan Thomases, Hillary's right-hand woman. Joan Rivers was there. So were a ton of gays. Some of them even got in a fight over some Cyndi Lauper tickets. Strangely, we know someone who witnessed these events and sent us this bulleted report.

Netscape, Opsware and Ning cofounder Marc Andreessen and his wife, Stanford grad-school professor Laura Arrillaga-Andreessen, have donated $27.5 million dollars to Stanford Hospital to update its emergency room. According to the report, the pair have been planning a major charitable donation "since the day they got engaged in 2006." Billionaire romance is different from the regular sort, isn't it?

At the "Stand Up For Heroes" benefit Wednesday night, a New York Comedy Festival charity event produced with journo hero Bob Woodruff to benefit injured American troops, Bruce Springsteen told a knock-knock joke and then auctioned off a Harley. It went for a lot of money! But to whom? The gossips disagree!

At the doorway of Housing Works bookstore last night around 7 p.m., an older gentleman was being gently shooed back onto the street by one of the store's volunteer staffers. "I'm sorry, sir, we're usually open at this time, but this is sort of our biggest event of the year?" she said, gesturing with her head to the growing crowd behind her in the store. The place had been festively strung with white Christmas lights for the occasion. The man huffed off into the cold night. Little did he know, he could have stayed and had some gin and book conversation for only a $10 "suggested donation." People without cash to donate were being directed to the nearest ATM by the volunteer door-bitches. Nobody takes their jobs more seriously than volunteers! Nikola Tamindzic captured the preening literati.

Today, the Times' Tina Kelley (where's the color war story, btw?) investigates a new phenomenon on the suburban New Jersey kids' birthday party circuit. Seems that some parents, whether through genuine altruism or in preparation for their kids to sit on the board of the Children's Aid Society in 20 years, have started asking people to donate to charities—of their kids' choice!—instead of giving them presents. Little Gavin Brown, for example, chose the Cranford Fire Department for the $240 he got for his fourth birthday. Aww! How cute! But some people aren't so enamored of the trend. People like Miss Manners.

SCOTT KIDDER — Buying holiday gifts on Amazon.com? For anywhere from $2.99 to $5.99, depending on the item, you can have your item gift wrapped. How convenient!

A reader sends in word of the World Hunger Year charity auction next Tuesday. Ooh, a charity auction, you say? Surely this will be one of the most glamorous events of the season, filled with socialistes like Tinsley Mortimer bidding on exotic resort vacations and diamond-encrusted dog collars.

Also, somewhat unrelated: if the Lonelygirl15 videos are going to continue, can she please stop overplucking the middle of her eyebrows? So much room for improvement there.

Larry Ellison recently told a reporter, "I think after a certain amount, I'm going to give almost everything I have to charity because what else can you do with it?" For the Oracle CEO, "everything" means over $18 billion. "What else can you do with it" means:

• YouTube, the biggest independent Web 2.0 firm that needs a lucrative deal like a hooker needs a free clinic, wins distribution of NBC shows. After NBC's SNL clip "Lazy Sunday" went viral on YouTube (and got yanked), the network finally realized that its viewers all moved to the Internet. [Washington Post]

Larry Ellison released a messenger falcon from his castle turrets to officially announce why he stiffed Harvard for a promised $115 million donation. Without Harvard prez Larry Summers on board, Ellison's minions said, he just didn't feel the gift was right.

• Apple's iPod maker says the sweatshop story isn't true, and they've vaguely threatened a lawsuit over the claim, made by the UK's Daily Mail. Can we resolve this peacefully so the slaves can crank out more toys? [Apple Insider]

Oracle's high-rolling CEO may not actually be the Almighty, but he's pulled off a miraculous deal with his latest lawsuit settlement.