British former reality TV star and current terminal cancer patient Jade Goody is a national obsession. She will die soon. But not soon enough for OK! magazine.

She died two years ago, but we're still addicted to Anna Nicole Smith. Now there's a new excuse to talk about the trashy Marilyn Monroe of our age:

OK!'s cover this week shows Suri Cruise and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt on an adorable playdate! Now, let's look at the two separate photos they stitched together to create this Frankenstein-like Photoshop:

However much Michael Jackson hopes to make off the auction of this creepy poem of his, engraved into a marble slab, it can't be worth the damage to what's left of the singer's reputation.

Britney Spears fired three dancers for doing drugs. Hypocrite.

Well, things sure came together for Nadya Suleman today: Octo-Mom suddenly has a big house for her 14 kids, around-the-clock child care valued at $135,000-per-month and she gets to keep her reality show.

Something is seriously wrong in the Nadya Suleman camp. Other than the income-less, second-parent-less and technically house-less 14 babies, we mean: Octo-Mom somehow just lost her second publicist in one month.

Peaches Geldof just made headlines in the London tabloids for announcing on Facebook she has "married" her lady DJ friend. It's a joke/publicity stunt, of course, but it did get us thinking:

As Chris Brown negotiates a plea deal, the R&B singer is making it known Rihanna struck him first that infamous night in Los Angeles. Why does he think it matters?

Sure the economic collapse is hurting jobless poors or whatever but you know what's really tragic? That celebrities no longer get offered quality swag, so they have to steal it. Take Kristian Laliberte.

Permasmiley celebrity Columbia writing student James Franco is going to have a book of his short stories published by Scribner. This, strangely, is the least ridiculous book deal we've written about this week. [Fox]

Give Gordon Ramsay money now, prats! The John McCain of food continues to bring the awesome on cooking reality shows. But he is severely impaired when it comes to bringing the money, to banks.

After reportedly beating his girlfriend Rihanna, Chris Brown hired crisis flacks and went into spin mode: The singer apologized, took anger-management classes and spread word Rihanna was culpable. But his reputation needed more help.

Barack Obama's barber "Zariff" has no last name and is suddenly in all the papers explaining that the president has GENUINE gray hair after just 44 days in office. Why?

Hmm, we're no 'Mascara Marketing Guru' but we suspect that "Light up Your Eyes" is not the best tagline for a new ad starring Rihanna, who was recently beaten about the eye area.

Why did Arianna Huffington agree to do the Rachel Maddow Show with comic and former E! host Hal Sparks? So self-undermining!

CNN doesn't talk about Anderson Cooper's sexuality. The network and anchor have their reasons. Jane Velez-Mitchell at CNN's Headline News is taking a slightly more open approach.

Last time we checked in with Justine Bateman, the Family Ties star was getting territorial about how her Tumblr posts were reblogged. Now she's angrily learning what a "White Whine" is.

Jimmy Fallon's critics hate him for being so awkward and manic. But all indications are the Saturday Night Live veteran will embrace those qualities, crafting the geekiest Late Night yet.

People magazine is reporting that bubblegum pop star/ monster Chris Brown is back together again with battered (by him) woman/ superior singer Rihanna. I see only three possibilities, concerning this story: