Let's say an angry pit bull has a Menace Factor of 10. But make it a Japanese DJ's dog facing off against a "Celebrity facialist's" Yorkie on the L.E.S., and the Menace is, like, three.

Woody Allen uses the word "tragic" four times in his front-page interview with the New York Observer. Also, "nihilistic," "dreadful," "sad," "malcontent" and "embarrassment." And that's before he gets going about the "appropriate police."

Madonna, a song singer, paid $40 million to some lucky bastard for a townhouse on the UES. It reminds her of London, they say! Whatever. Here are some interior pictures of this rich, rich place:

Today in his Huffington Post column, Alec Baldwin delivered an important lecture about how to practice good, proper journalism. First lesson: Don't mess with Alec Baldwin.

Hello, pancake painter-to-the-stars Dan Lacey has completed another work of art suggested by you, the celebrity-obsessed Gawker readers. Today: "Mickey Rourke and the canine-star of Beverly Hills Chihuahua urinating on him."

Good news in dark times: You'll seen be able to take Nadya Suleman away from her 14 kids, on a date, to be filmed by reality show cameras and watched by a confused, frightened nation.

After Chis Brown pled not guilty to assaulting Rihanna in a Los Angeles courtroom Monday, Rihanna's attorney said something peculiar: The apparent victim of Brown's attack would like to bring the case to a rapid conclusion.

Paparazzi life is war! Two photographers who were trying to photograph Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen's wedding ceremony in Costa Rica say the couple's bodyguards shattered their car window. With a bullet, from a gun!

Some wacky Harvard Business School kids decided to write up a case study on undead Chelsea celebuclub Marquee, probably so they could get past the doorman. They found out Marquee's profit:

Brittany Murphy clearly threw Craig Ferguson off last night on the Late Late Show: Why was an actress raised in New Jersey speaking in an Irish accent? And why was she acting so loopy?

How did OctoMom get so much good press, making her America's sweetheart? By having the sales manager at All American Real Estate Mortgage Co. in La Habra, California as her publicist:

Steve Stoute thinks Chris Brown can totally get past this whole "beating his girlfriend, Rihanna" thing and start endorsing products again. Just like he used to do for Soute!

Woe is Perez Hilton, in many ways. His marketing firm put together such a neat Powerpoint show to get companies to sponsor his birthday party last weekend. How did that go?

Deep down, past the creepy post-apocalyptic conservative rhetoric like "we surround them" and "you are not alone," who is Glenn Beck? "A rodeo clown," he told the New York Times. Or maybe worse.

Celebubutt Kim Kardashian's Photoshopped picture from Complex magazine is the grownup(?) version of Highlights for Kids: How many differences can you spot?

Yesterday was Perez Hilton's 31st birthday! His star-studded birthday bash will be March 28th at LA's "iconic" Viper Room. And here's how his marketing firm is trying to sell people sponsorships of this once-in-Perez's-lifetime affair:

UH OH: Complex magazine put Kim Kardashian on its cover this month, but it forgot to Photoshop one of its images of her (left) until Bucky Turco caught it. Huzzah for real womanhood! [Animal NY]

Courtenay Semel is ready to stop lighting her girlfriends' hair on fire, or at least regain access to the trust fund her father, former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel, locked her out of.

Diablo Cody and her Hollywood gal-pals cooperated on today's self-consciously sexy New York Times profile. Odd, then, that they complained people pay too much attention to their looks.

OK! magazine's UK edition caught some flack from sticklers this week who objected to its "In Loving Memory" issue for someone who is, technically, alive. But no worries, her family is "OK!" with it, ha: