Canadian politics used to be a cute, inconsequential thing that occurred somewhat north and to the left of New York, where people with slightly funny accents debated how to most efficiently prove they were not American while travelling. However, it appears all that is about to change now that their government has become more "conservative." You may recall the string of car arsons in Los Angeles, which allegedly were the work of a German-born man named Harry Burkhart. Well, it turns out Burkart had recently lost his three-year bid for refugee status in Canada, so he decided to come to LA and light a bunch of cars on fire instead.

A team of researchers working out of the University of Western Ontario in London, Ontario, have received approval from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to begin clinical trials of an HIV vaccine on humans beginning in January. What makes this vaccine different from the handful of others in development around the world is that it uses dead HIV-1 virus, in a similar methodology that led to vaccines for polio, rabies and hepatitis A.

Holiday downer time! A couple in their 70s had their vacation cut short when the wife died in the car, somewhere around Pasco, Washington. The husband made the decision to turn the vehicle around and drive back home to attend to his wife's burial. But home was 225 miles north, across the Canada-U.S. border, in Oliver, B.C.

Canadian researchers have been studying a 22-year-old woman and lifelong amnesiac who can't remember the faces of anyone unfamiliar or non-famous. Show her a photo of baby-voiced celebutante Paris Hilton, however, and she has almost no trouble identifying who it is. Paris Hilton's face will not be stopped.

The gay hating zookeepers at the Toronto Zoo are about to do something awful. They're going to break up a pair of male penguins, Buddy and his Latin lover Pedro, and make them have sex with women. How could they do that?

If you're tired of staring at all the jarfuls of brown, amputated toes cluttering up the mantel above your fake fireplace, consider shipping them off to the Sourtoe Cocktail Club: Canada's most popular drinking organizations for amputated toe-drinkers. They'd be happy to garnish their drinks with your disgusting old digits!

In today's episode of Gatineau 911, Quebecois law enforcement, lights flashing and sirens blaring, manage to surround a cow wandering around the road in a small community near Ottawa. They then fire at it ten times, all of which was captured on video by horrified onlookers.

Canadian political leaders are feeling rather cranky about the U.S. government's plan to charge their citizens $5.50 just to cross the border and drink beer with us. The new fee also applies to Mexican travelers, but they don't seem to be complaining as much—maybe because they're used to getting screwed by the American government.

The revolution has spread past the 49th parallel and towards our friendly neighbors to the north: Occupy Toronto is only five days old, and already 2,000 have marched to the city center, with 100 of them having settled into a tent city in St. James Park. Sadly, however, the movement hit a slight bump on Thursday, as one demonstrator had pitched his tent in the grossest way imaginable.

Why would you need an ambulance to take you to the hospital, if you're already at the hospital? This is the question recently posed by Doreen Wallace, who injured herself during a visit to a hospital in Niagara Falls, Canada and was denied treatment until an ambulance was called. To the hospital. Where she already was, if that wasn't clear enough. Egads.

Of all the stupid things in all the world, a restaurant in Canada is trying to ban men from their God-given right to pee standing up. That's right, the last acceptable (semi-)public display of masculinity is now being brought to its knees—or rather to its ass on a slimy, germ-filled toilet seat. Sad.

We all know that newspapers decide which ads they'll run and which ads are inappropriate, right? Well a rather misguided ad was allowed to run in Canada's National Post today. This is just sad.

Dick Cheney's historical revision, In My Time: A Personal and Political Memoir, was the latest selection at an author lecture series in Vancouver on Monday. In honor of this rare visit from Bush's bionic henchman, a large crowd of protesters gathered outside the Vancouver Club. They grew increasingly unruly as the day went on (watch the protest grow in the above video), shouting down and blocking the entrance to guests who'd paid $500 for the privilege of hearing Cheney speak.

When Canadian truck-driving man Ken Anderson was only 15 years old, his parents "abandoned" him, he says. Dad died, and mom Shirley barely stayed in touch over the decades. Then one day she realized that Anderson and his siblings should each start paying her $750 every month. Because of all the sacrifices she made. And the love she gave.

Some white University of Montreal students who wore blackface and (in at least one case) Paul Frank monkey shorts to an Olympics-themed "sports and physical activity awareness" event were not trying to be racist (or insult Germans), guys! They were actually honoring a Jamaican running legend.

Ad hominem adultery harassment site Cheaterville.com is incensed. They wanted to run the above advertisement in the Toronto Sun during the Toronto Film Festival, but the Sun rejected them. Why ever would a newspaper reject a crude doodle of a stick-man butt-fucking a startled stick-lady atop a rectangular void with his giant club-shaped dick?

Vancouver is feeling the agony of de feet. (Yup, that's happening.) The 11th, yes eleventh, severed human foot in four years washed up on shore near the Canadian city on Tuesday, leaving police stumped, but determined to keep people from getting whipped up into a serial killer panic.

The moose of Canada are stalking and haunting Connie Evirett and Yvonne Studley, two car-driving sisters from British Columbia. Last month Studley, 49, had a car accident involving one of the beasts; the melee left her in a coma, and the moose in a moose coffin. Then, while on the way to the hospital to visit her younger sister, 51-year-old Evirett had a moose/car accident of her own.

For more than a year (!) a Canadian salon has been running this ad, which depicts a sullen-looking, black-eyed woman seated on a couch, her back turned toward a creepy-eyed businessman who just might be her boyfriend. Battered women deserve great haircuts too, right?

For six days and counting now, hundreds of protesters have gathered outside the White House to demand President Obama intervene and stop the construction of an oil pipeline that will span the breadth of the United States — from Montana to the Gulf of Mexico. Over 300 of them have been arrested — and not just wild-eyed idealistic college students, but high-profile advocates including environmental leader Bill McKibben. Despite all this, the administration says this is a question for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.