After a woman called police in Saanich, British Columbia, to report a possible break-in, multiple units were sent to set up a containment around the scene.

Encountering a black bear in his backyard (while "taking a massive piss"?), intrepid Canuck Mr. Jangzter utters a few famous last words to an unseen friend: "He's a scraggly bear, man, he's not going to attack me."

Adults on TV shows are very fond of asking the teens with whom they are acquainted (typically via familial ties but occasionally through non-sexual mentoring relationships) "If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?"

Canadian folk hero Ryan Gosling returned home to his ancestral land Wednesday to attend the graduation of his mother, Donna, from Brock University. He brought Eva Mendes. Canada freaked out.

You know how sometimes you get a package in the mail but you don't remember ordering anything and then you open up the box and it's, like, adorable vintage salt and pepper shakers from Etsy and then you post on Facebook "I guess that bottle of pinot grigio decided to take me on a shopping spree last week LOL" and all your friends are like "Haha <3"?

The Museum of Science and Technology in Ottawa was forced to raise the age of admission to its new "tell-all" sex exhibit for kids from 12 to 16 after they received more complaints from parents than expected. "Sex: A Tell-All Exhibition," which opens today, features several controversial elements that rubbed adults the wrong way.

The hacktivist collective Anonymous has been unusually quiet after a slew of arrests and the revelation that one of its key members was an FBI snitch. Now a fugitive member has put Anonymous back in headlines with some spectacular, and likely bullshit, claims.

Men. Canada is full of them. And women. In almost equal numbers. But should they be friends? Or only sex partners and enemies? These are the questions plaguing our northern neighbors, as evidenced by an article recently published and republished on several of the websites of the country's major newspapers owned by the Postmedia publishing group:

On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert uncovered a grave threat to the supremacy of the US dollar: Iceland is considering adopting Canada's currency as its own. Like all red blooded Americans, Colbert despises Canada - what with their fiscal sensibility and free healthcare - and vows not to let this stand.

Last Friday, a Canadian man live-tweeted his proposal of marriage to his girlfriend. The story went slightly viral as it unfolded—more than 700 response tweets came in bearing the hashtag #MikeProposes over the course of Mike Duerksen's 12 hour tweet session—and has since exploded in a major way as the Internet has, in typical self-fellating fashion, clamored to read more stories about itself.

First Canada eliminated the penny. Then it introduced a glow-in-the-dark dinosaur quarter that cost $30 to buy. Now the Royal Canadian Mint has announced plans to develop a digital alternative to all coinage (and, possibly, small bills), called "MintChip."

Canada will say goodbye to the penny this fall. As Finance Minister Jim Flaherty explained, "The penny is a currency without any currency in Canada, and it costs us 1.5 cents to produce a penny."

This story out of Halifax is ostensibly intended to inform readers that oral contraceptive users who experience vomiting or diarrhea after taking their pills should use back-up methods of protection in order to prevent pregnancy.

What quaint cultural confusion is taking place in Canada today? "Adrian Wu's Message Baffles Audience," reports The Toronto Star.

Canadian skicross racer Nick Zoricic died today after crashing at a World Cup event in Switzerland. Zoricic, who was 29, suffered "severe neurotrama" and was unresponsive at the scene. The International Ski Federation released a statement in response.

Via Copyranter, the tale of University of Calgary Hayley Wade, whose innovative campaign for Vice President of Student Life used this poster ("Great dick bro!") above urinals in the men's bathrooms on campus. She won. Mitt Romney, take note. [Copyranter]

Iceland is currently considering adopting the Canadian loonie as their official currency, and Canada is ready to talk. Iceland's current currency, the krona, has taken a beating since the country's economy collapsed in 2008. The country has slowly been rebuilding the past few years, though the krona has remained volatile.

Here's a fun document published by transparency website Public Intelligence: An 84-page handbook the Candian Border Services Agency uses to identify gangs and felons based on their tattoos.

Canadian pop gremlin Justin Bieber turned 18 today, much to the delight of thousands of creepy older women who made jokes about having sex with him on Twitter. Now is a good time to take a definitive look back at the 18 years that made Justin Bieber a star.

Take a deep breath. Relax. Center yourself. Think about your bank account. Now. Are you ready for an article explaining why $196,000 per year is not that much money? Good.