While some would be content to relegate Britney Spears to the dustbin of forgotten pop-tart history, as you can plainly see from these images made available by blogger mykeywood, Spears has managed to pull herself together nicely for her guest star turn as a Christian TV personality on an upcoming Will & Grace. (1) Britney makes sure her very real wedding ring is visible in every take in order to offset tabloid rumors. (2) The costume department comes to the rescue of a forgetful Spears with a cleverly fashioned scarf upon which all of her dialogue was printed, somewhat annoying co-stars Sean Hayes and Eric McCormack. (3) Between takes, Britney had the exhausted studio audience on their feet with her sexed-up version of "I'm a Little Teapot." (4) Sadly, an increasingly diva-like Debra Messing refused to share even a minute of screen time with her sexy blonde co-star, so cutting-edge blue screen technology was employed, allowing Grace to be added in post.

· Britney Spears on: not being bitter, ambivalent police offers, doing great, missing the road and being on stage, boredom, and the lack of wow in pop. Yeah, that about covers it.
· We find the Olsen twins a little unsettling in general, but now the Gilded Moose has figured out why their new modeling gig bothers us.
· Lisa Marie Presley marries, this time opting not to go with a child-actor-collecting, skin-bleaching, nose-hole-wheezing freak. Which, of course, means that we couldn't care less who the dude is.
· The pusher who started us mainlining unicorns insists that it's time we graduate to freebasing cuppycakes.

It's an interesting juxtaposition: Dick Cheney can blow his hunting partner away, and the official White House reaction falls somewhere along the lines of, "Yeah, bummer...But, you know, Vice Presidential shit happens," but when Britney Spears is photographed driving with her baby in her lap, the Transportation Secretary uses the rather well-timed mishap to crown an honorary villain for his new child car seat safety campaign:

It took us almost two days, but we've finally found something from the Grammys more unsettling than a possibly senile Paul McCartney (he's got to be, right?) being tricked into performing with Linkin Park—namely, this photo of burgeoning hip-hop superstar K-Fed and kiddie car-seat eschewing scofflaw Britney Spears. We're sure it's just a trick of perspective, but we could swear that Federline isn't flashing a peace sign, but actually using those two fingers to slide his meal ticket's dress down just enough to create some cocktail dress/areola separation. ("Hey baby, look what I just done! PopoZao, little nipple motherfucker!") If you're frustrated by the censored version above, clicking the image will produce a more revealing, NSFW version that will undoubtedly brighten your Friday afternoon.

• Good times at the Grammys: Sly Stone pukes backstage, Mariah Carey pouts, and Brett Ratner has a panic attack after fighting with his date. Serena Williams never would've pushed him so far. [Page Six]
• So far, the only thing we find interesting about the wiretapping case surrounding private investigator Anthony Pellicano is a recording in which Naomi Campbell is heard begging Sylvester Stallone's security guards to have the actor call her. My, how the tables have turned. [Lowdown]
• Courtney Love is seen at Amanda Demme's boozehole Teddy's at 1 AM. She wasn't seen drinking, however — she was just there for the dyking. [Page Six]
• Mario Batali's Del Posto faces closure if the ClogMonster doesn't fix lease violations. [Lowdown (2nd to last)]
• Would Pink be a better mother than Britney? Do we care? We're more concerned with the existence of a higher power — and, if there is one, why these people are allowed to procreate. [Scoop]

• Britney Spears might be a repeat offender when it comes to child neglect. Spears' other repeated offenses include releasing albums, wearing scrunchies, and humping K-Fed. [TMZ]
• Courtney Love reportedly has her shit together and was acting, yes, like a lady at the Chateau Marmont. Unfortunately, she's so reformed that we're not sure New York will ever get her back. Time to start auditioning replacements. [Page Six]
• Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban give one another cold, Aussie glares. [IOL]
• Jay-Z is reportedly at work at another album. No surprise there — everyone knows that when speaking Hova, "retirement" means "new record." [Page Six]
• Mario Batali's landlord thinks he's a orange-clogged pirate. [Lowdown]
• Ralph Fiennes ends his 11-year romance with Francesca Annis. 'Tis the season, after all. [R&M]

Pity the life of the paparazzi-preyed celebrity. When a regular citizen has a moment of maternal carelessness say, halfway home from Rite-Aid suddenly realizing their infant is still perched on the roof of their Prius they merely need heed the frantic gesticulations of passing horrified pedestrians, pull over, sheepishly retrieve their child, and carry on with their day. But when Britney Spears recently threw her tiny son in her lap and peeled away from a Starbucks, the moment was captured by lurking photographers and instantaneously launched around the world, followed soon thereafter by an authoritative rap at her door:

• Britney Spears claims that she drove with her infant son in her lap because the paparazzi made her do it. You see, they asked her to pose as such, and offered her $5, and she just couldn't resist. [R&M]
• Paris Hilton's testimony helps put away the man who burgularized and abused Girls Gone Wild perv Joe Francis. Poor Paris, always fighting for the wrong team. [Page Six]
• In other Paris-legal news, some poor soul has gotten a restraining order against the heiress, lest she stab him with her stiletto. [TMZ]
• Our favorite perv Vincent Gallo took to selling not only his sperm on eBay, but also his flesh. $50K was the starting bid for a night of Gallo pleasure but, alas, no one was syphilic enough to consider bidding. [Lowdown]
• Robin Byrd, Lizzie Grubman — there's less of a difference than you think. [Page Six]
• Everyone's favorite "rehab" expert, Kate Moss, counsels everyone's favorite penis, Colin Farrell, on staying "sober." [Contact Music]

• For the remaining handful of you who still fail to comprehend why Fashion Week is the work of Satan himself, consider this: child runway models. You can go and say it's not JonBenet Ramsey, but we're not buying it. Does that little girl's face not tell of her suffering?! [Reuters]
• The Department of Child and Family Services is investigating Britney Spears after she was seen driving with her infant child in her lap. If they take the baby, maybe they can take K-Fed, too. [TMZ]
• Every once in awhile, Village Voice gossip Michael Musto gets off of his bike and shits out a million blind items, all at once. We can't even fathom how to arrange them into a guessing game, so just go on over and knock yourselves out. [VV]
• Aileen Gallagher at FishbowlNY talks to Warren St. John about the JT Leroy hoax; we imagine that after the interview, she took him to her boudoir and made sweet, syrupy love to him and his muscle tee. Well done, girlfriend. [FishbowlNY]
• A strip club indicted for tax evasion? You don't say. [NYP]
• Imagining a day in the life of reformed meth addict Jodi Sweetin, pre-rehab. [The Road More Traveled]
• Michael Kors is Mugatu. [Logged Hours]
• And last — but certainly not least — we proudly share with you some "love and sex advice" from Star Jones Reynolds. If you're brave, you'll crank up the volume for this one. [AOL]

We saw the photos, and like you, felt concern that perhaps it was still a little too soon for Sean Preston to be getting his first driving lesson surely those tiny feet couldn't reach the pedals yet! As it turns out, however, this wasn't a case of post-natal parallel parking instruction, but yet another death-defying escape of Britney and brood from the relentless flashbulbs of her paparazzi pursuers:

Not two days after news that Britney Spears would be appearing on an upcoming episode of Will & Grace playing a loony, bible-thumping TV host who "decides to do a cooking segment called 'Cruci-fixin s,'" loony, bible-thumping advocacy group The American Family Association has begun its protests:

In an inspired pairing of two perpetually annoying things that seemingly refuse to go away, Britney Spears will be making her scripted, primetime TV debut on an upcoming episode of Will & Grace, following in the illustrious footsteps of such gay pop icons as Madonna and Janet Jackson, who also used the series to showcase their complete lack of comic timing:

· "Now you listen here, Jakey. This might seem all silly-goose to you, Mr. Serious Actor Man, but I'm milking this thing until the Oscar nominations are out, OK? Now if you don't want to wind up snubbed, put your hand on your goddamn hip and play along!"
· Blogger Tony Pierce figures out where Heather Graham moved her birthday party (The Short Stop—nice choice) after snubbing Akbar.
· Just like in her acting career, Jessica Alba's incredible good looks obviously played no part in her success in this poll.
· Gallery of the Absurd never fails to horrify us with its artwork. Today, Britney Spears and Cheetos team up to chill us to the bone.
· A Craigslister in NY is less than thrilled with the medical accuracy of last night's Grey's Anatomy. Seriously, though: The flesh-eating bacteria? That's been around long enough to been recycled through ER three or four times, hasn't it?

Under the ever-expanding heading of "Failed Career Attempts of the Men in Britney Spears' Life" comes news that JJ Chill, the Venice smoothie shop (tagline: "Think outside the cone") purchased by her dad Jamie in an attempt at getting his life back together after his post-divorce alcoholic tailspin and subsequent rehab stint, will be shuttering its frozen delicacy-dispensing doors:

It's every celebrity's darkest nightmare: One moment, you are peeling down the PCH in a Ferrari with your brother, tapping your foot to your aspiring rapper husband's latest demo blaring through the speakers ("Don't even/Yo/Don't even/Yeah...No, no"), when car trouble suddenly finds you stalled dangerously in the middle of the highway, easy prey for the swarm of paparazzi hot on your tail. This was exactly the fate that befell pop temptress Britney Spears and her brother Bryan on Sunday (baby Sean Preston was supposed to be at home with daddy Kevin Federline, though corroborative eyewitness reports last spotted the infant crawling solo through the razor wire fence of a local power facility).

• A sex scene involving Katie Holmes and Aaron Eckhart has been mysteriously removed from the film Thank You For Smoking, currently showing at Sundance. Never underestimate the editing powers of OT-VIIs. [Page Six]
• As Howard Stern's replacement, David Lee Roth has had a hard time winning over listeners — but not as hard of a time as he has getting his staff to tolerate him. [Lowdown]
• Shar Jones enacts revenge on Britney Spears, who stole her baby-daddy Kevin Federline, by sleeping with Spears' first husband, 48-hour Vegas mistake Jason Alexander. And that, children, is the story of syphilis. [Page Six]
• Billionaire Ron Perelman divorces his fourth wife — actress Ellen Barkin — and is rumored to be rekindling with his second wife, Claudia Cohen. Wives #1 and 3 wait patiently in the wings. [R&M]
• Cokey supermodel Kate Moss signs a $1.8 million deal for the rights to her autobiography. Sayeth the Braunstein: "It is a symbol of a true victim when you get the book rights."

• Chanel gave Reese Witherspoon her dress for the Golden Globes, telling her it was vintage. In this case, "vintage" means "merely three years old and previously worn by Kirsten Dunst." Even worse, the dress was seriously NOT that cute. [Page Six]
• Kate Moss is so clean and sober that she was seen dancing disturbingly close to Jack Osbourne. See? REHAB MAKES YOU CRAZY! [Lowdown (last item)]
• Today, Britney Spears goes Hindu. Tomorrow, she explores radical Islam. [Scoop]
• Is Madonna working out too much, to the detriment of her own health? Certainly not if you like your disco gay pop goddesses to kill her dissenters with her bare hands. [R&M]
• Jonathan Cheban slips into his former office at Grubman-Cheban PR under the cloak of darkness for the ritual desk-cleaning. With him he takes three rolls of scotch tape, his rainbow Post-It pad, and a strand of Grubman's hair. [Page Six]

Since 1960, catty queen Richard Blackwell has been cataloguing the sartorial missteps of celebrities, compiling lists that everyone reveres just because. This year is no different, and so we seek comfort in the familiarity of Mr. Blackwell's beautifully bitchy poetry:

· Because we know that your weekend wouldn't be complete if you didn't kick it off by contemplating K-Fed handling some poopy Pampers: Britney's Mom: Kevin Changes Diapers.
· Walmart is "heartsick" that its website software seems to be a big, fat racist.
· Quentin Tarantino explains Icelandic women: "I'm in a room full of supermodels who were drunk out of their mind standing on a table, (going) 'Let's get the party started.' I'm like, 'Where have I been all my life.' "In America, the idea is to get the girls drunk enough to go home with you, in Iceland it's to get the girls home with you before they get so drunk that they're passing out in your bathroom or vomiting all over you." Also, they have lovely feet.
· We are shocked—shocked!—and possibly even scandalized—scandalized!—by the possibility that underage MTV stars might be getting shitfaced at respectable, starfucking drinking establishments.
· Not everything Giada makes on the Food Network can be a winner.

· Whether or not this is a picture of Britney Spears is rather unimportant. If we believe it to be Britney, then it is Britney, in all her incognito. Sidekicking glory.
· Thanks to the LA CityBeat for reminding us that the NY Times bought Gawker Media (our "company," if you've been asleep for the past 18 months) for $32 million. (Maybe they picked up this story, explained here and made brilliant here?) Still waiting for those benefits to kick in. [via Fishbowl LA]
· We had no idea what a "Yindie" was until we read this LA Weekly list, but here are 10 reasons why the Yindie apocalypse is nigh. Also, if you're really desperate to read another list, your editors contributed one they wrote while drunk.
· Seriously, though: What's up with this whole Walmart website thing with the Planet of the Apes and the Dorothy Dandridge movie and whatnot?
· There are probably many reasons why these three men are laughing, one of which is that each of them is rich enough to buy the moon.