Be forewarned: This one's going to be pretty rough. According to KNBC.com, a man was mauled to death by a dog on Ving Rhames' property:

There's a reason most datacenters are located in distant office parks: It's harder for angry customers to line up at your door. And that's what's happening to 365 Main, the downtown-San Francisco datacenter which is suffering a major outage, caused, a tipster says, not by local power fluctuations but by a drunken employee on a bender. (Update: I no longer know whether to trust the source who sent in the tip about a drunk employee.) An eyewitness says that in addition to the customers lining up, bicycle messengers are constantly whizzing by to drop off packages — legal notices, one presumes, informing 365 Main that it has breached customers' service-level agreements. Anyone else on the scene? Drop us a line.

The 300 block of University Avenue in downtown Palo Alto is aflame, according to Megan McCarthy, who's on the scene. "Flames are shooting 20 to 30 feet into the air from the rear of the building," reports Palo Alto Online. Threatened by the blaze: The Peninsula bureau of the San Jose Mercury News. A block away: Accel Partners, the VC firm which funded Facebook and BitTorrent, among others. Anyone know of other businesses that might be affected? Leave a comment, and Megan will update us if there's more news.

Over at TMZ, the popular online inmate-support group with which an incarcerated, existentially despairing Paris Hilton established such a strong emotional bond that she was moved to create great art celebrating their connection, teaser clips of tonight's Larry King Live appearance are being posted so furiously they we may not have to watch the actual broadcast when it airs in about 90 minutes. [Ed.note—HAHAHA. Just for that, you will watch it on a loop until daybreak while hungry crows peck at your breadcrumb-encrusted genitals.] Above, enjoy our exclusive screen-capture of the exact moment when Hilton's eyes, finally free of the tinted contact lenses that so long obscured their natural brilliance with a lifeless azure, sparkle with pride as she explains how her trip to the MTV Movie Awards was merely a clever subterfuge designed to conceal her trip to jail from the media.

This just in from the Defamer Special Correspondent on Things Currently Trapped in an Elevator Shaft at William Morris:

Confirming the earlier DHD report that HBO's Chris Albrecht was, in the words of an insider, "toast," Variety now says that corporate parent Time Warner will soon announce that it's given the embattled, rehabbing executive "the boot." Brace yourselves for a press release short on colorful firing metaphors, but long on talk about how the company hopes the surrender of his job will give Albrecht the time to get the help he needs.

In a shocking decision that has shaken our faith in celebrity slap-on-the-wrist justice and should quickly ignite a series of riots all the way from Hyde to Area (Molotov cocktails fashioned from bottles of top-shelf vodka will soon set ablaze the streets of West Hollywood, so avoid the district effective immediately), TMZ reports that Paris Hilton has been ordered to serve 45 days in jail for violating her probation, and is to begin her sentence (no work release, no sassy electronic ankle bracelets, and, we assume, no conjugal visits allowing her to keep her love life in the tabloids) on June 5th. We'll update if more information becomes available; we'll be spending the rest of our afternoon monitoring our inbox for the first reports of widespread looting on Robertson by angry mobs in Kitson's new line of FREE PARIS t-shirts.

Sad news: Trader Vic's—Beverly Hills's Polynesian cocktail temple and a cherished relic of swinging, bygone Hollywood era—may have finally served its last mai tais and pupu platters, according to e-mails flooding Eater LA's inbox:

While our reports of on-set mishaps are generally limited to the greater Los Angeles area, we are happy to field such dispatches from our far-flung operatives whenever the export of Hollywood's movie magic disrupts their workdays. A pair of Chicago-based tipsters have let us know about a fire that broke out on the Windy City location shoot of upcoming Batman sequel The Dark Knight:

As we speak, the A.P. is being evacuated for a suspicious package — it's very exciting.

Firefighters rushed to eBay's San Jose headquarters last night after an explosion in a four-story eBay building. First thought to be a transformer, the cause is now being reported as a bomb.

Apparently a small plane has crashed into an apartment building at 72nd and York. Details are few and far between; we suggest that you immediately panic and speculate irresponsibly about possible terrorist attacks. We'll update you as we learn more; until then check in with Gothamist, this is the kind of shit they live for.

THEY DID IT! Analysis upcoming, but the Associated Press announces that Google just bought YouTube for $1.65 billion in Google stock. OMG WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? Now's the time to use that Valleywag comment account you left under the bed and predict:

Speaking of 9/11 (har): a commuting correspondent reports that there's no LIRR service into the city, forcing him to take the subway into Manhattan from Jamaica. A track fire around 5 AM was reported at Penn Station; the requisite "suspicious package" was then sighted, completing this morning's cycle of anniversary terror and paranoia. According to the AP wire, all is well and service in and out of Penn Station is running slightly behind — but the vigilant authorities at the Jamaica station are telling commuters to take the subway. Says our correspondent: "The conductor could not have been less concerned. He was like, 'Yeah, bomb threat.'" And really, that's what today is all about: healing with a shrug.

Earlier today we skeptically noted what seemed to be an unfounded rumor, that Vibe editor-in-chief Mimi Valdes, along with much of her staff, was being canned from the urban music mag. We asked if anyone could provide any word on what was going on over there, and, obediently, Mediaweek's Stephanie Smith quickly complied. What's going on? The mag is being sold, and Valdes and president Kenard Gibbs are expected to go. "Additionally," Smith reports, "layoffs, primarily on the editorial side, are expected." So who's buying?

The almost-but-not-quite-jailed Time magger will be the new business mag's Washington editor, according to a press release just issued. It's not just yet another attention-grabbing hire for the mag, but it also answers the what-now-for-Matt question, which has been percolating since his near-imprisonment for refusing to testify in the Plame case. He had been Time's White House correspondent when he was subpoenaed the special prosecutor, but he couldn't really go back to that gig after all that legal brouhaha. A vet of all three newsweeklies, it seemed unlikely he'd go back to one of the other two. And his current gig, editing for Time.com, didn't seem — even in Time Inc.'s current we-love-the-web moment — a natural fit for a high-powered reporter type like him. Conde — and, no especially, a Conde salary — takes care of all that rather nicely, don't it?

And so it is done: Ad Age's Nat Ives is reporting that Andy Pemberton has resigned — not be fired, notably — as Spin's editor-in-chief. The theory all along had been that he was holding out to get fired, so he could collect some sort of severance — perhaps even the balance of his contract. So what does resignation mean? Does he get nothing? Did they give him some cash to walk away? Theories — whether informed or merely idle speculation — welcomed.

This just in from that place just over the Brooklyn Bridge:

What the — media news on a Sunday? Indeed there is, because those Conde Nasties are tricky. And it's stop-the-presses stuff: The mag company's new business title, in the works for the last nine months under the direction of WSJ turncoat Joanne Lipman, finally has a title. It's Conde Nast Portfolio, which we must say is a much better choice than Quote, as WWD reported Thursday would most likely be the name. ("Where'd that quote from?" "Quote." "Huh?") Its first issue will arrive in May 2007, and the website — cnportfolio.com — is now live. There's still not much of inkling of what will be inside the thing, but two sample covers (click on them to enlarge) were attached to the press release. They are, naturally, also entirely inscrutable. Maybe there'll be more explanation tomorrow?

Now it's done: As WWD predicted this morning, Andy Pemberton has been booted from his brand-new gig as Spin's EIC. This comes on the heels of a near-complete turnover of the mag's staff since new owners purchased it three months ago, sacked Sia Michel to bring in Pemberton, and showed most of the incumbent staff to the door. He'd produced only one issue, but, as a tipster points out, said issue "was indeed a giant shitball." No word on a replacement.