At the urging of a "friend," this presumably inebriated definitely idiot attempted to scale the half-bicycle mounted 12 feet up—for decorative purposes only, it should be emphasized—on the façade of RV&E Bikes in Canandaigua, New York. You already know what happened next.
"I can't breathe," the last words Eric Garner spoke before he died of an NYPD-delivered chokehold, have been adopted as a powerful statement against police brutality and institutional racism. But one cop/uniform company owner prefers a different slogan, one that reassures you you'll be able to keep breathing as long as you don't cross a police officer.
Aaron Sorkin, big man with little glasses, continued his quest to retroactively ruin your enjoyment of The West Wing at a Writers Guild panel Monday, where he said that this week's controversial Newsroom—the one with the almost universally hated campus rape subplot—was the first "really good" episode of the show.
A senior business communications instructor at Florida State University left her job but refused to apologize last week after blaming "filthy rodent Muslims" for ruining France and telling a prominent gay hairstylist on Facebook to "Take your Northern fagoot [sic] elitism and shove it up your ass."
Sure, the techniques that brands use to advertise themselves have reached Minority Report levels of dystopian profiling and intrusiveness. But are they intrusive enough? Aren't there any more of your senses that advertisers can exploit for their own nefarious ends?
Your 20s are meant to be a time of self-reflection and discovery. Bad decisions are inevitable. Amal El-Wahabi knows all about bad decisions. In January, the 28-year-old tried to smuggle money to her husband—a member of ISIS—by concealing it in her friend's underwear. The plan, for obvious reasons, failed.
"You may abandon your own body, but you must preserve your honor." - Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings
The latest findings from our nation's top intelligence and black ops agency: our black ops have historically been pretty fucking worthless.
You say "po-tay-to," she says "alternative form of contraception that would be a good idea to put in your vagina." But medical professionals report she had a potato germinating inside her, so it looks like you win.
SNL alums Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader and Maya Rudolph, along with Game of Thrones star Peter Dinklage, will lead the voice cast of Angry Birds, an animated tie-in movie based on a mobile phone game people liked in 2012. By the time the film comes out in 2016, they'll be the only ones still playing Angry Birds. (And some of them are playing green pigs instead.)
Meet the new King of Wales, Will Williams. He recently consumed an entire bottle of Jack Daniel's in just shy of 15 seconds, which, I'm given to understand, entitles him to some kind of sword-in-the-stone style claim on the monarchy that supersedes the current hereditary system. And makes Wales independent, for some reason. Congratulations/sorry, Wales!
If you are an Atlanta Falcons season-ticket holder and enjoy the company of professional cheerleaders, congratulations: you can now order a cheerleader to your stadium seat via app. To uh, take a picture. It's a plot only creepy NFL marketers and anti-social app developers could devise.
Georgia Republicans on Capitol Hill have succeeded in saving a military base from the chopping block by awarding it a new mission: training Afghan bomber pilots to rain fire and steel from the sky on U.S. soil.
Payday loan companies screw customers with annual interest rates as high as 1900%, and base their entire business model on the fact that desperate debtors will never be able to pay them back. On the latest Last Week Tonight, John Oliver explained all the ways they're fucking you, in uncomfortable detail.
