Stanley Thornton Jr., America's most prominent Adult Baby, is, in his own words, an open book. He became an internet sensation last year with his first TV appearance on National Geographic's Taboo after the episode featured the 30-year-old drinking from a bottle and getting his diaper changed. Just week's after the show aired, Stanley was investigated for Social Security fraud. (He was later cleared of all charges.) Almost a year to the day later, Stanley returned to TV on an episode of TLC's nightmare factory, My Crazy Obsession.

After 37 months of pregnancy, America's most fashionable country bumpkin Jessica Simpson has given life to a baby girl. Welcome to the world, Maxwell Drew Johnson. Countless farts and pairs of Spanx preceded your arrival.

Back in the '80s and '90s hospitals saw a surge in babies born addicted to crack, but the last decade has been all about babies born addicted to painkillers.

We have previously discussed the fact that there is little more unsettling than encountering a baby who is better-dressed than you. So we are heartened to learn that designer baby clothing is even more of a ripoff than adult designer clothing.

Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer's reps have confirmed the two are expecting a vampire baby, EW.com reports.

Meet Ed Houben, a 42-year-old Dutch nerd who couldn't get laid to save his life until he became a sperm donor. According to a hard-to-believe Der Spiegel article, a Houben actually lost his virginity in a sperm donation situation straight out of a porno:

Mayim Bialik, the once be-sunflowered jewel of the 90's, has joined the ranks of fellow whacky mothers Alicia Silverstone and January Jones. Bialik has penned a parenting book called, Beyond The Sling: A Real-Life Guide To Raising Confident, Loving Children The Attachment Parenting Way. The. Sling. Because it is about the joys of "attachment parenting" and breastfeeding your toddler.

After banning children from First Class cabins last year, Malaysia Airlines has now banned humans under the age of 12 from its upstairs Economy class cabins, as well.

A San Diego woman gave birth to a baby boy in the front passenger seat while her husband was speeding down the freeway. Christy and Matt Henry were en route to the hospital when Christy unexpectedly, uh, popped the li'l guy out.

Your baby: it has some issues. Let's be real. Its baby skin is... not so perfect. Nothing you'd want to be seen in public with. Your baby's beauty reflects on you. The good news: your baby's hideousness is nothing that hundreds of dollars worth of beauty products can't temporarily fix.

Two women in Miami face zero charges after transporting two fetuses into the U.S. from Cuba in their suitcases on January 30th. So I guess it's a cool new thing to do?

One of the biggest dilemmas facing slobs who live in fashion-forward cities like New York is what to do when faced with tiny children who are better-dressed than us.

I recently came to terms with the fact that, if I ever have babies, I will probably give them ridiculous names. (Elbow Macaroni O'Connor.) This is because I lack self-determination and thus am perpetually at the mercy of pointless trends, and also because people with cool names are actually cooler than the rest of us. I am certain of this because, as a young female with a lame old lady name, I am human evidence of the inverse of this principle.

Russian baby-swinging yoga guru Lena Fokina is back, this time with a video for Barcroft Media (Does that mean she got paid to do it?) in which the taut-bodied baby-tosser swings a crying infant upside down and over her head. And with that, I hereby end our Lena Fokina coverage, hopefully forever. We're just watching a crazy lady torturing babies, now. [Barcroft Media via Buzzfeed]

People Magazine reports that Jennifer Garner gave birth to a baby boy in Santa Monica on Tuesday. This is the third child and the first son for Garner and husband Ben Affleck; the couple also have two daughters: Violet, 6, and Seraphina, 3.

Occupy Wall Street welcomed its newest supporter yesterday (?) when this Occupy Wall Street videographer's wife had their baby in the back of a livery cab in New York. He filmed it, of course.

Hey laaadies. As it turns out, those teeny little pills you were taking to ensure that no fetus found its way into your precious womb may actually have been conspiring against you, having the complete opposite effect. Pfizer has recalled over one million packets of birth control pills, varying in brand name and potency, due to a packaging error. A packaging error that helps you get pregnant, rather than prevents.

We're all adults here. It's time that we practiced a bit of brutal honesty. This is something that we—as a friend—feel that you should really know. Your baby is ugly.

In a prediction ripped right from Nostradamus' playbook, China's state news agency Xinhua has foretold of an influx of so-called "dragon babies" in the coming year, reports TIME.

Implant cancer! Brain melting! Autism vaccines! Big tumor! Drug users! Chimera monkeys! Face transplants! Yoga danger! And the future of your baby, made clear! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—but not for long!