Or she might not be. All day, rumors have been swirling that Beyonce had reserved half of St. Luke's Roosevelt Hospital's "luxury labor and delivery floor," and would be giving birth sometime on Wednesday.

President Obama took part this weekend in one of the most ancient and eagerly-anticipated presidential traditions: the annual Christmas Baby Eating, a ritual that goes back to well before recorded history. Said to have been started by the semi-mythical "first president," Benjamin Franklin (who archaeologists believe to be a composite of several different minor American warlords, and most likely not a historical person), the Christmas Baby Eating has recently come under fire from pundits like Nate Silver, who use statistics to argue that it has no real bearing on presidential success or virility, despite the frequent claims of the Secretary of Necromancy and Occult Services. Even so, President Obama is currently enjoying a small bump in the polls—a natural fluctuation, or the result of pleasing Yogg-Sothoth by consuming the blood of the newly-born?

Christ-mandated baby-millers and stars of 19 Kids and Counting the Duggar Family coped with the loss of their twentieth, unborn child in a perfectly reasonable way: posing for a series of photos with its fetal corpse and handing them out to mourners at a memorial service. (They also posted the photos to their Twitter feed and blog.)

You know how you spend every minute of your waking life desperately afraid that you will be found out as a laughable fraud and all your accomplishments discovered to be built on a foundation of luck and lies? Well! As it turns out, even babies can tell how unbelievably full of shit you are.

Joe Pressil, a 36-year-old from Houston, was somewhat surprised to learn that his ex-girlfriend had become pregnant just three months after the couple broke up, because she had always claimed she was unable to have children due to a medical condition. He grew even more surprised when she gave birth to twins, and proved via blood tests that Pressil was the father. Then came a receipt in the mail from somewhere called the Advanced Fertility Center of Texas, which listed Pressil as a "patient," and the realization of what had actually occurred at last began to set in: Pressil says he was the victim of grand theft semen.

What is it with kids these days? In my day, teenagers were all getting pregnant and it was a big crisis, very "punk rock." Nowadays kids are barely having babies at all. Have you kids completely given up?

Sex talk! Chewing tobacco! Cholesterol drugs! Womb psychology! Weight coaching! Baby abdomen! Kiwi heart! Medication erection! And hearing loss, say what? Haha. It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—age-appropriately!

A 10-year-old girl from Puebla, Mexico has delivered a baby boy after a 31-week pregnancy. The baby weighed 3.3 pounds and is in generally good condition as it recovers from pneumonia in an intensive care unit at a local hospital.

Sodium diet! Obesity drug! Autism brain! Sickness debt! Exercise aging! Digestion difficulty! Drug sex! Fruit interactions! And a stern reminder to never trust those "doctors!" It's your Wednesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—with malice!

Freshman 15! Conjoined twins! Breast milk! Wino diet! Lonely sleepers! Yoga pain! Soda targeting! Cold flu! And some health facts just aren't funny! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—supportively!

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon showed off their six-month-old twins for the first time on 20/20 on Friday night. But the babies—a son named Moroccan and daughter named Monroe—came at a high price for Carey, as you'll see in this clip of her discussing her pregnancy with Barbara Walters.

Gel vagina! Too salty! Letrozole victory! Salad sal-monella! Teen IQs! Proton babies! Skeptical docs! Malaria vaccine! And women laugh like this, while guys laugh like this! Right, fellas? It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—masculariously!

Candy medicine! Preemie autism! Medical marijuana! Shy teens! Sick Americans! Aggressive kids! Down's fetus! Coyote cloning! And kids these days can't seem to do a god damn thing healthily! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—nurturingly!

What could be worse than roasting your baby in a hot car like it's some kind of squirmy potato? How about "dropping your baby in the crater of an active volcano"? Yes, that's definitely on the list. But so the less exotic "burning your baby in the oven," the activity we'll explore today.

Here's a one-year-old child whose parents taught her to use an iPad. Now when she's given a magazine, she tries to move her finger over the pages, clueless that it doesn't work the same way.

In perhaps the most exciting display of obstetrical performance art since Karen Finley birthed a yam back in the early '80s, Brooklyn-based artist Marni Kotak is letting a gallery audience observe the delivery of her first child.

We all hear stories about kids who are given ridiculous names—usually kids that are born to celebrities—but when you're looking to name your child, don't turn to a "baby name blog." They're full of horrible ideas too, like this one.

Metal hips! NYC smoking! Laughter medicine! Milk drinking! Teen vaccine! Child poison! Arnica healing! China babies! And smooth, smooth magnetic kiddie weirdos! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—while we must be trippin!

After a storm destroyed their home, Tha Sophat's parents left their native Cambodia to seek work in Thailand. Tha Sophat stayed with his grandfather, a farmer who struggled to keep the boy healthy. One day, the grandfather found little Tha clinging to the udder of a cow. The motherless 1-year-old was suckling.

After completing their Italian "babymoon," Anthony Weiner and Huma Abedin are stateside again, and "telling friends and family that [the] ultrasound shows that they're expecting a boy." Taking pictures of his little Weiner and showing it off. The man never learns. [P6, image via AP]