• It looks like mischief runs in the family. Martha's daughter Alexis has been forced to pay $990,000 in back taxes and a $110,000 fine to the IRS, although she's blaming her accountant for the "mix-up." [NYP]
• Casey Greenfield gave birth to a baby boy the other day, but she still isn't saying who the father might be. [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan got a "post-breakup makeover" consisting of a new hair color and a new tattoo, in case you're keeping track. [People, NYP]
• Jennifer Lopez has so many wigs, she has an entire room devoted to them. Or so says Star magazine. [Star]

Why bother with an ordinary kid when you can order up a designer one? A fertility doctor says would-be parents will be able to customize their own babies at his clinic beginning the summer. The implanted embryos can be screened for skin, eye and hair color as well as gender, which means if this catches on it will only be a matter of time before every woman in the 10021 zip code really does have blonde hair, blue eyes, and a fierce tan. [NYDN]

• Andre Balazs and Sharon Stone were seen cuddling on a couch "all night" at the Oscar party at Guy Oseary's home on Sunday, and looked like they "couldn't have been more into each other." We're beginning to sense a pattern here, how about you? [NYDN]
• Newlyweds Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo are expecting a baby. [P6]
• Jeremy Piven will make his case in front of an Actors' Equity panel tomorrow and offer proof it was mercury poisoning that forced him to drop out of Speed-the-Plow. Good luck with that. [NYP]
• Warren Beatty supposedly wants Lindsay Lohan to star in his new movie, but only if she moves in with him and Annette Bening during filming. [Fox411]
• Chris Brown has started taking anger management classes. He's also had to hire bodyguards because he says he now fears for his safety. [NYDN, InTouch]

San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom, who's running in the 2010 California governor's race, has wasted no time in turning the unwanted revelation of his impending fatherhood to political gain.

We hear Jennifer Siebel, the actress wife of San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom, is pregnant — and furious with the friends who let word slip. But we bet her pro-gay marriage husband is thrilled.

What is the world coming to, when the bottom-feeding British press can't even trust 13 year-olds to be truthful about whether they were the one who screwed the 15 year-old and made a baby?

People like Nadya Suleman, the IVF junkie mother of 14, and Alfie Patten, the 13-year-old father from England, are getting famous just for reproducing. It's a pretty gross trend.

Octo-mom has a website, and it's just horrific. Sorry. [Urgh]

She kept awards-show fashion "rock and roll," was "kinda real," "legendary" and "fierce" on stage and committed no natal errors. Other than not taking home an award, M.I.A. had a great Grammy night.

Ann Curry grills the octuplet mom today. Why have all these babies without a steady job, tart? Well, she has one, Ann: media curio. Click to idly watch baby lady entertain you!

Rapper—uh, excuse me: artist—M.I.A. is due to give birth to her first kid on Sunday. She's also due to perform on the Grammy's that night. She figures she'll be late, so she's gonna perform.

In yesterday's Page Six Magazine we met the evil women who buy themselves twin babies, for attention. Turns out these ladies weren't happy with how they were portrayed! And neither was the story's author!

Today on The View, Elisabeth Hasselbeck revealed that there is a new creature who is trying desperately to store up enough strength so that it can escape her. It is called "a baby."

You have to admit, anti-abortionists have a canny grasp of the "news cycle." What if that baby you decided to abort grew up to be... Barack Obama? Then he'd be pro-choice. But whatever. Advertisement!

Cosmetic surgery-enthusiast and grandstanding parent of a baby born through a surrogate Alex Kuczynski is with child. She's due in April. That ought to give her enough time to come up with a story angle.

Get ready to see nine months of fab, phat maternity wear: Kimora Lee Simmons and boyfriend Djimon Hounsou say they're having a baby. Kimora reportedly spilled the beans to her employees last week. No word on whether it's a boy or a girl, or if they've come up with a name yet. Clearly they'll have some work to do to find a name that goes along with Kimora, Djimon, Ming, and Aoki. [E!]

Elisabeth Hasselbeck may be a vocal supporter of the President, but it doesn't appear her 14-month-old son is following in his mom's footsteps. After getting snubbed last month when she was denied an invite to the White House Christmas party, Hasselbeck got a chance to meet the President over the weekend and her son, Taylor, greeted the president by headbutting him. [HuffPo]

American queen Sarah Palin spent her New Year's Eve in the traditional Wasilla way: placing angry phone calls to media outlets insisting her teen (mom) daughter and her man aren't high school dropouts.

New York Times official rich person-in-residence, plastic surgery addict, and orgy enthusiast Alex Kuczynski has a long, long, torturous story in the Sunday Magazine about her recent experience with a surrogate mother. Would you like to know how stressful and terrible it is to pay another woman to bring your child to term? No, probably not, but here you go.

♦ Guy Ritchie and Madonna's marriage came to an official end in the High Court of London courtroom this morning. Neither "Ciccone ML" or "Ritchie GS" actually showed up in person for the proceedings, but Madonna had drinks with ex-husband Sean Penn on Wednesday night, possibly as part of an early celebration. [People, The Sun, P6]
♦ The longest pregnancy in history is finally over: Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz welcomed a son named Bronx Mowgli Wentz into the world last night. Yes, that's Bronx Mowgli. [People]
♦ According to The Sun, Michael Jackson has converted to Islam and has changed his name to "Mikaeel." [The Sun]