Back in April, Arizona governor Jan Brewer floated the idea of charging a $50 fee for fat, childless, smoking Medicaid recipients. What the hell is $50 going to do to offset rising statewide Medicaid costs, you might ask? That'll pay for a whole 20 pack of Depend® adult diapers! But that's not exactly what they're going for. Basically they want to hunt down every lonely, hoarding cat lady in the state to extort them into shape. The Times did a Q and A with the spokeswoman for Arizona's Medicaid, Monica Coury:

The Boss Hogg of Arizona law enforcement, Maricopa County's very own Sheriff Joe Arpaio, has a problem in his house: A deputy and two officers from Arpaio's creepy jail were arrested on charges that they smuggled heroin and illegal immigrants into Arizona, and then on to California. In a great twist, one of them is eight months pregnant with a Sinaloa drug cartel member's child.

Did Renee Deshaies of Mesa, Arizona enter a local Dairy Queen and "threaten" employees with the grenade she supposedly found lying around in a park? Or did she just "show" the grenade, as if to say, "Whoa look, grenade! Weird. Anybody know what I should do with this?"

Shortly before thoroughbred horses stormed the track at the Kentucky Derby, a cavalcade of chihuahuas ran in Chandler, Arizona's annual Cinco de Mayo Festival and Chihuahua Races.

What's the latest terrible news from Arizona, America's dirt backyard? Not much has changed, really. People want as many guns as possible, to make up for the lack of jobs and sustainable mortgages, while Steven Seagal rides around in tanks attacking chickens. Also, penis certificates. There's very little to complain about. So leave it to the liberals to not appreciate how good they have it and demand their own state.

Tea Party Patriots™ and Arizona Governor Jan Brewer have initiated a Kickstarter-style scheme to solicit donations for a border fence to keep the Mexicans out of their righteous, desert oasis. Pretty clever. So, what can donors expect in return for their contributions (besides resting in the knowledge that they're True Patriots, of course)? The sponsor of the bill that Brewer signed, state Senator Steve Smith of "birther bill" fame, told the AP that contributors might receive a piece of paper that reads, "[I] helped build the Arizona wall." Uh, cool. He adds, "I think it's going to be a really, really neat thing." Golly, keeping them dang Mexicans out of America's grundle is going to be just swell. Pitch in while there's still time! You'll also be paying for the 50 cents an hour that Arizona inmates will receive for their work on the fence. Win-win.

A video that was shot last January in Phoenix — showing police officer Patrick Larrison shove a 15-year-old girl into a wall after she'd been in a drunken altercation with her mother in a strip mall parking lot — has surfaced and is causing some commotion in the city. When a colleague of Larrison's saw the video this week they alerted superiors at the Phoenix Police Department, which has since put Larrison on paid leave pending an investigation. Sgt. Trent Crump told the AP, "At face value, the video is concerning to us."

As part of her ongoing efforts to protect Arizona citizens from being beheaded or anchor babied to death, human cactus Jan Brewer has signed a bill authorizing the construction of a border fence.

If there's one thing in the world that Arizona needs right now, it's an official state gun. Another totally normal state, Utah has one, so it's only fitting that Arizona followed suit. Governor Jan Brewer yesterday signed the important bill into law making the classic Colt Single Action Army Revolver the state gun. That's cool and everything, but we want to know which state will be the first to choose an official taser/stun gun/mace?

Think whatever you want about NBC's Law & Order franchise. I know it has its adherents. But I think it's a gross, stupidly written collection of shows that passes off profound human suffering as casual entertainment. Every time I accidentally stumble onto it, some five-year-old is playing with Legos and describing how he was recently raped, while Ice-T and Richard Belzer make wisecracks in the background. How is this acceptable? It isn't.

There's nothing quite like giving the government money to get someone all hot and bothered, right? Kevin Robert Theriault (pictured) had been stalking a woman dressed as the Statue of Liberty advertising a tax service in Tempe, Arizona, flashing her three times in as many weeks, as well as jerking off on the street. And of course, he came back for Tax Day. According to the East Valley Tribune:

Maricopa County, Arizona, Sheriff Joe Arpaio likes to treat the accused lawbreakers under his care like little Army men that he can march around, dress up, and melt with a magnifying glass. Now he's started a "Mug Shot of the Day" contest on his web site to help people mock them.

Arizona's birthers must be so depressed following Gov. Jan Brewer's decision to veto the state's delightful "birther bill," which would have required presidential candidates to present either their long-form birth or penis certificates for inspection. Who knew that Jan Brewer hated fun so much?

Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer has finally discovered a law too stupid for her own, stupid state! Namely, the "Guns on Campus Bill," which she vetoed because it was "very sloppily written and drafted." And! She vetoed the "birther bill"!

In rather unsurprising news from America's dry, crackly grundle, lawmakers in Arizona last night passed the Trump-approved House Bill 2177, which requires any presidential candidate to show proof of his or her U.S. citizenship before being added to the state's ballot. Governor Jan Brewer will have five days to sign the bill into law.

America's festering cauldron of endless misery and abandoned housing tracts, Arizona, is back in the national political news. Don't click away yet! The state is merely trying to ensure that certain biracial Kenyan-Indonesian presidential candidates aren't hiding their shameful biracial Kenyan-Indonesian births when they run for office, okay? So let's take a look at the Donald Trump-endorsed "Arizona Birther Bill," which passed the state Senate yesterday.

In a landmark piece of legislation that once again demonstrates their profound capacity for out-of-the-rational-box thinking, the Arizona House of Representatives has voted to allow guns on campuses.

The Arizona legislature, which long ago decided to focus its energies almost exclusively on Problems That Do Not Exist, has finally turned its eye to the terrible non-epidemic of racially-motivated abortions. Yes! The crazy-eyed skinhead state just made it a felony to "knowingly perform or provide financing for an abortion sought because of the race or sex of the fetus or a parent's race."

A man in Maricopa County, Arizona, was suspected of cockfighting, and infamous self-promoter Sheriff Joe Arpaio wanted him arrested. Usually you would just get a search warrant and arrest this person, peacefully, if there was enough evidence.

Time to check in with an old friend: Jason Hope—the Arizona entrepreneur whose $500,000 Christmas party made him the "Party King of Scottsdale" and ignited fake-baked nightlife warfare—is getting sued. Verizon Wireless has launched a legal battle against 26 people and companies they say are fleecing consumers with "premium messaging services," i.e., when your grandma gets a spam text message that enters her into an automatic billing cycle without her consent. Verizon says Hope is "the mastermind behind defendants' fraudulent and deceptive practices."