Disappointing(ly) naked person Lindsay Lohan and her shapeshifting sister Aliana have been vacationing in Hawaii this weekend to escape from their life burdens. Of course, Lindsay encountered her nemesis, The Wicked Dr. Drama, while standing in line for another non-alcoholic pineapple drink and this produced consequences, which subsequently transformed into strange gossip news.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno just fractured his pelvis for the second time. He'll be spared surgery, but will still have to continue living life as Joe Paterno: America's cancer-having*, idiot riot-inspiring, Presidential Medal of Freedom-less, buffed off, soon-to-be-trashed child rapist-protector. In central Pennsylvania. Where nothing cool happens, except miracle-of-lifey cow births and ice cream parties.
After collecting tips from (drunk? bath salts-addled?) witnesses and obtaining a warrant, a Santa Maria, California SWAT team stormtroopered the home of Hope and Javier Bravo Sr. in search of their son, Javier Bravo Jr. But he was already incarcerated. Which seems like something they should have known!
Thanks to a juror who tweeted some nonsense about shitty coffee, broken hearts, and—most importantly—being a juror, convicted Arkansas murderer Erickson Dimas-Martinez will escape lethal injection, at least for a while longer. Twitter saves lives!
Are you one of those Christmas revelers who goes absolutely bonkers the second December rolls around? There's nothing quite like those bright lights of Christmastime, but some have a tendency to overdo it on the holiday cheer.
Penn State's new president has hired notorious Washington taint sucker Lanny Davis, the former Clinton White House counsel and whiny, self-defeating media booster for Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign. Penn State really is committed to fixing its image as the Keystone State's finest enabler of the worst thing in the world.
Used to be, we buried the bodies of the dead in the ground. Imagine the cost: coffin, embalming, funeral service, shovels. Labor. It adds up. Nowadays, we just burn em.
"AAAAAGH! YOU HAVE ERECTED A TERRIFYING MONUMENT TO THE NIGHTMARES OF 9/11!!!" was probably not the reaction that Seoul-based Yongsan Dream Hub corporation had in mind when they unveiled their plans today for an ambitious new construction project: Two high-rises connected by a "pixelated cloud" structure that, tragically, calls to mind the kinds of images you don't really want to call to mind when looking at a new set of twin towers. The design is by Dutch architectural firm MVRDV, who seemingly had no ill will when they envisioned the cloud as a kind of oasis in the sky, with "a large connecting atrium, a wellness centre, conference centre, fitness studio, various pools, restaurants and cafes." (Rendering here.) Actually, now that I've sat with it for a little while, a floating sauna inside a pixelated cloud sounds pretty relaxing — the kind of place Mario and Luigi might go to unwind after a hard day...
Time for your daily dose of Giving Donald Trump Any Kind of Publicity! Today: The shrieking mudbuttface's precious little debate is in tatters. Michele Bachmann has turned him down, setting the final roster of participants at Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, Rick Santorum, and Newt Gingrich, and Rick Santorum. Or some combination of two.
Dharun Ravi is the 19-year-old Rutgers student who in 2010 secretly monitored his roommate Tyler Clementi making out with another man via webcam and streamed it over the internet. Shortly after, Clementi killed himself. Ravi now faces 15 criminal counts, including invasion of privacy, and witness and evidence tampering — though he wasn't charged in connection with Clementi's death itself. Still, he's facing up to ten years in prison if convicted. Prosecutors offered him an attractive way out: A plea deal that would promise him no prison time, but included community service, probation and counseling. It also came came with the added enticement that the state would help Ravi fight any deportation charges brought against him. (Ravi is a citizen of India.) All in all, it was a pretty sweet deal.
Congratulations, America: you've gotten what you wished for. You elected Barack "Hussein" Obama as commander in chief. He quickly allowed homosexuals to serve as proud members of the US Armed Forces, standing buttock-to-buttock in foxholes next to normal young American boys. (After the war is over, they can marry, now.) It was only a matter of time before our fighting men were encouraged to start fucking dogs.
The Smoking Gun has gotten its paws on Newt Gingrich's Washington Speakers Bureau contract, replete with all of his pampered demands. For each speaking gig, he wants a nice hotel, first class plane ticket, check for $50,750 — the usual. But there's one item that stands out as appropriately idiosyncratic: His demand for two bathrooms, in a one-bedroom suite. This is his most profound idea yet.
Former Total Request Live with Carson Daly mainstay Korn, a band that you — yes, you — used to love, has discovered the truth that few of the band members' Hollywood friends care to admit: Obama and his "illuminati" minions have turned this country into a "house of shame." Hmm. They must be Romney men, through and through.
In the next decade, President Obama wants to raise America's college graduation rate to 60%. Currently, just over 40% of Americans aged 25-34 have college degrees. That means a lot of new college students will have to be added to the system, and soon. In fact, there is no hope of this being achieved.
It turns out that Newt Gingrich has been annoying the public with his many trillion half-baked ideas — remember that he is, fundamentally, an Ideas Man, in the fundamental sense — since 1954. He was an 11-year-old boy, and he and his "buddies" had a grand vision: to throw some animals in a park and call it a zoo.
Try not to tear up when reading this interview with Joe and Jane Clementi in People magazine. The parents of the New Jersey teen—who killed himself earlier this year after his roommate broadcast him and a partner having sex in their dorm room over the internet—are finally speaking out, and it's heartbreaking.
