By contrasting the ease with which Aurora shooter James Holmes ordered guns and ammunition online with the rapid FBI response when a Muslim would-be terrorist in Aurora sent a single suspicious email a few years ago, Denver Post columnist Chuck Murphy states the obvious in his column today: this mass shooting might have turned out very differently if James Holmes had been named Ibrahim or Mohammed.

A 38-year-old software engineer from Florida says a generic version of the popular baldness treatment Propecia turned him into a her.

A sex tape allegedly starring Minka Kelly is said to be on the market, but the possibility that the actress was underage at the time of its shooting may be keeping buyers at bay.

Chuck Schumer has had it up to here with whooping cough.

Officially, there are no box-office numbers this weekend. Nothing to see here. Move on.

Appearing on CNN's State of the Union to discuss the mass shooting in Aurora, Colorado governor John Hickenlooper said that "act[s] of evil" are not necessarily preventable with stricter gun control laws.

The internet is abuzz with rumors that Jackson family matriarch Katherine Jackson is M.I.A. — and with good reason. Late last night, her nephew reported that she was missing.

Despite protests from people who think football is more important than reporting the sexual abuse of children, Joe Paterno's statue was removed from Penn State.

As families of the Aurora shooting victims have been notified, some of the victims' names and stories have been released.

You can't have a national tragedy without at least one religious zealot crawling out of the woodwork and spouting off about the downfall of America. And lo, American Family Association news director Fred Jackson is up to the task.

When Fred Willard got caught enjoying himself too much at a porn theater, the internet rallied behind him and his right to masturbate freely. But law enforcement doesn't take as kindly to this sort of thing: he's set to be charged with lewd contact.

A man in Utah couldn't stop looking at these weird goats, so he did the obvious thing: he started dressing like one and frolicking with a goat herd through the Utah wilderness. But what seems like a strange obsession could soon have real and dangerous consequences – goat hunting season starts in September.

Earlier this evening, The Dark Knight Rises director Christopher Nolan issued the following statement regarding the Dark Knight shooting in Colorado:

Please click through for a gallery of images from last night's shooting in Aurora.

Just weeks after The Today Show booted Ann Curry off its couch because she wasn't good at chitchatting with the fun, popular kids, the show, realizing no one on its current roster is capable of manifesting gravitas, has come crawling back to her.

The history of lingerie is being rewritten, all because a couple freak-nasty archaeologists were rooting around in some hang-loose Austrian gals' trash.

Warner Bros. has cancelled Friday's premiere of The Dark Night Rises in Paris and pulled the cast and director Christopher Nolan from media interviews following the Colorado shooting.

In today's America! news, Houston resident Thelma Taormina chased off her local electric maintenance guy with a gun because he was attempting to install a fancy new electric meter called a Smart Meter. This new meter thing supposedly keeps track of power usage digitally and then wirelessly transmits the information to the electric company instead of them having to send someone out to read the meter. What an amazing, time saving device, right? What will they think of next?

Who among us has not come away from reading a classic like Austen's Pride and Prejudice or Brontë's Wuthering Heights and been disappointed by the distinct lack of explosive sex scenes?

Americans hate the media with a passion. So they'll be happy to know that the average U.S. journalist—grrr, the MSM!—is paid even less than the average American.