How did the recent ruling on Obamacare change the American public's opinion on the Supreme Court? Well, the public approval rate of the Supreme Court went down. Who cares?

50-year-old John E. Brennan, who grabbed headlines back in April when he stripped naked in front of TSA screeners at Portland International Airport, was acquitted of public indecency after a Multnomah County judge ruled his act a protected form of protest.

Improv legend Fred Willard couldn't come up with an impromptu reason for his penis being out when LAPD vice squad officers busted him last night inside Hollywood's infamous Tiki Theater.

Earlier tonight, George Zimmerman gave his first televised interview to Sean Hannity on Fox News. Zimmerman offered an apology of sorts to Martin's parents, but refused to express regret for what happened. He also gave his account of Martin's killing.

According to Deadline reporter and Bret Easton Ellis's number one fan, Nikki Finke, The Dark Knight Rises, which doesn't come out until Friday, has already sold $25 million in presale tickets alone, accounting for 80-85% of all online ticket purchases on Tuesday. At its current pace, the film has a slight chance to break The Avengers' opening weekend record of $207.4 million.

Just two days after his daughter Suri and ex-wife Katie Holmes were involved in a minor accident, Tom Cruise, with Suri in tow, ran red lights and sped through Manhattan in an attempt to outrun paparazzi. The chase, which lasted 20 minutes, included ten cars full of paparazzi, plus six stragglers on bikes, all of whom also ran the red lights.

Michele Bachmann recently issued some typically stupid statements accusing Huma Abedin, Chief of Staff to Hillary Clinton and wife to Anthony Weiner, of having ties to the (gasp) Muslim Brotherhood. McCain, who is apparently in one of those moods where he acts honorably instead of cravenly, defended Abedin, whom he described as a "friend" and a "fine and decent American."

Young neighborhood toughs the Backstreet Boys are coming out of retirement to give the world the new BSB tracks it demanded when it got drunk at that 90s-themed happy hour two weeks ago.

Many times in the past, we've solicited stories from people who work at various terrible places—Target, Wal-Mart, Whole Foods, and others—in order to cut through the PR and hear firsthand what life is like on the inside of America's churning corporate machines. Now, we'd like to hear from perhaps the most vital group of American workers: the unemployed.

"Did you see the news today? The scientists are saying that chocolate could be good for your blood circulation. Well I'll be. Who knew? Chocolate is a health food? No more going to the doctor for me! I have a bag of Hershey's Kisses, and that's a lot cheaper than health insurance! Oh, maybe I'll still go to my favorite doctor—Mr. Goodbar! Doctor Hershey's, I should say! I have a pill bottle—full of M&Ms! It does wonders! It always makes me feel better! Hey, I guess now you can eat whatever you want for dinner—as long as you have a chocolate sundae for dessert! Dessert is the new diet! I'm going on an all-chocolate diet—for my health! If chocolate is healthy, well, I'm a regular Olympic athlete! Send me to London—for the 100-meter chocolate dash! And swimming—in a pool of chocolate! I'd definitely win the gold medal! I hope it's just gold foil covering chocolate! I think I'll give up jogging and take up eating more! I've cut back my jogging to only one destination—the candy store! It's for my health, thank you! I'm giving up the Weight Watchers in favor of chocolate milkshakes—for my health! Hey, can these scientists have a little talk with my waistline? It doesn't seem to be listening to reason! I'm skipping the gym today and just eating chocolate instead—for my health! This is the greatest discovery since sliced bread—even better, actually, because I'm on a low-carb diet! Except for chocolate carbs! I have to eat those—doctor's orders! Chocolate—for my health! I approve this message!"

Good news, birthers — Joe Arpaio is sure President Obama's birth certificate is fradulent.

John McCain didn't mean to throw shade at Mitt Romney in his interview with Politico today: his point was that he saw Romney's mysterious tax returns when he vetted him for VP back in 2008. But what most people seem to be taking away from the interview is his explanation of why he chose Sarah Palin over Romney — "Because we thought that Sarah Palin was the better candidate."

Critic Marshall Fine saw The Dark Knight Rises and didn't care for it much. That's bad enough, but then he had to go and post his opinion on the internet, thereby ruining the film's then-perfect Rotten Tomatoes rating. (Since then, it's dropped down to 85 percent, with eight "rotten" reviews overall. Sorry, fanboys and girls.)

If you planned to open a bordello in or around an IKEA, where might you do it?

Jennifer Carroll is Florida's Lieutenant Governor, second in command to the insane and unpopular Rick Scott. Carroll is one of the few nationally prominent black female Republicans. (She is also insane, but that's a topic for another day.) A former aide to Carroll says that she walked in on her in a sexually compromising position with Beatriz Ramos, Carroll's travel aide. So then—where is Beatriz Ramos?

Dr. Thomas Michael Dixon, an Amarillo plastic surgeon with not terrible online ratings ("Very Good" at scheduling appointments, says healthgrades.com), allegedly hired a hitman to murder another doctor, who had been dating Dixon's ex-girlfriend. According to reports, Dixon paid David Shepard three silver bars, worth roughly $3000 each, to murder Dr. Joseph Sonnier III, the chief pathologist at Convenant Health in Lubbock.

If you were, say, a world-class athlete, or anyone who had just spent twenty-hours on a plane not including customs and security, the thing you'd most want to do after leaving the airport is get lost, right?

On Monday, 83-year-old Edith Windsor asked the Supreme Court to review her legal challenge of the Defense of Marriage Act, which Windsor originally filed in 2010. Windsor, who has a heart condition, seeks to by-pass the U.S. Court of Appeals, who are set to hear the case in September. The New York district court has already ruled in Windsor's favor.

Life in business class is better. You get to board first, so you can sneer at the tired, disheveled proles as they walk through the cabin with their sick children and burlap sacks full of poor person food. You receive free drinks, which is always the best. You have more leg room, making it easier to pass out after downing your Ambien and/or Xanax (chasing them with your free champagne, naturally). But that's not all: if you fly business class on Delta from Amsterdam to Atlanta, you also get sandwiches with needles in them.

Last week, Ralph Lauren, the official outfitter of the U.S. Olympic team, released the first images of the team's uniforms for the opening ceremonies of the 2012 games.