First they get their asses handed to them by dolphins and a child sniper, now the Somali pirates can't take a U.S. famine-aide ship, even with rocket-propelled grenades and machine guns. Evil+Fail=Pathetic.

George W. Bush's daughter Barbara is following in her grandmother's footsteps. The other Bush twin is said to be marrying on-again, off-again beau Jay Blount, a 2005 Yale graduate and fraternity member, this summer.

Did you know that the prosecution of criminal Hollywood private eye Anthony Pellicano was an attempt by Karl Rove to derail Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign? It's true, if you're crazy!

Esquire spent a couple days with Todd Palin—"the man for American now"—last year, and just got around to publishing the story, including heartbreaking details of Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston before the crack-up.

White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel spent years crafting a reputation as ruthless foul-mouthed cutthroat by sending people dead fish. But today the Washington Post says he's become "more valet than hitman." Ouch.

In the late '90s, private investigator Joe Culligan registered presidentbillclinton.com and other Clintonesque domain names as a joke. Now Bill Clinton's lawyer is pursuing legal action to get the website addresses. It's payback, says Culligan.

The Washington Post has published a detailed, massive report on George and Laura Bush's post-White House life, and it's like Revolutionary Road with war crimes.

The Obama girls are finally getting that puppy next week, and their father has managed to cap the drawn-out saga of the pup's acquisition with a masterful bit of political pageantry: It's a Kennedy dog!

The Somali Pirate Crisis is the story of our generation! Virtually every major paper has big stories on the new American sailor heroes battling the buccaneers. Only the most interesting parts, below:

As any political campaign manager knows, sanctimonious attacks only invite a more outraged rebuttal. The Wall Street Journal's Google-slamming editor just learned how quickly anger boomerangs online.

Dean Singleton, the chairman of the Associated Press, has unveiled a new initiative to "protect news content from misappropriation online." Translation: People, please stop Googling the news!

Redmond O'Neal was just busted for trying to sneak drugs into a prison. We can hardly think of a better way to cap off a year of O'Neal-related druggy hijinks.

A judge has frozen the assets of Peter Madoff, the brother of Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff, and granted him $10,000 a month in living expenses. How is he supposed to live on that?

In recent weeks, the New York Times started punching back at many of its critics, breaking with a longstanding tradition of staying above the fray. Today, that new strategy backfired.

Remember how we paid Lockheed Martin $67.5 million to index Dick Cheney's emails? The guy whose fault it was has been caught: Paul Magliocchetti, the famous lobbyist.

Irving R. Levine, NBC's reserved, bow-tied business reporter during the '70s and '80s, has died, partly of old age and partly of shame at the way his former beat is being covered by tools.

The New York Times followed Oprah's lead today and sent a reporter to cover the growing number of tent cities—"Bushvilles" or "Obamareas"?—sprouting up around the nation.

Why would a rich guy sleep with his trophy wife and another woman? Because he's a lying cheat? Or because his uncontrollable Swedish bride knew he was leaving but took his body anyway?

Marissa Mayer, Google's vice president of search products, experiences the unfamiliar at a recent visit with First Lady Michelle Obama at the White House. (Photo by AP)

Today was the first day of closing arguments in the murder retrial of violent psycho and musical genius Phil Specter, seen here looking creepy as the jury left the courtroom [AP Photo/Al Seib, Pool]