[Herb Aric takes his normal seat at a park in Queens to read his book this afternoon. He doesn't care that yesterday's tornado toppled a giant tree on his bench. Only in New York, kids! Image via AP]

[The finale of today's Calvin Klein show was the perfect ending for Fashion Week. Tomorrow will be just another dark Friday. Oh, how will we go on? Image via AP]

Thank you, New York Republicans, for nominating racist porn e-mailer Carl Paladino as your gubernatorial candidate! Because he's funny. Now, for example, he's sending out "garbage-scented" mailers to 200,000 households — as a metaphor for Albany, see?

Statistics being what they are, every homophobic politician must have a gay loved one hiding somewhere. Dick Cheney has Mary. Alan Keyes has Maya. And Christine O'Donnell, Tea Party Queen of Delaware, has a lesbian sister in L.A.

Despite being the best bank to work for in the whole wide world, Goldman Sachs has a few problems, according to a new lawsuit from three former female employees. Specifically: sexism, racism, and an undying love for strippers.

Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell has spent the past day apologizing for his state's homeland security department, which had been distributing "anti-terrorism" bulletins listing upcoming environmentalist and LGBT protests — at a cost of $125,000 to taxpayers, naturally.

The wife of one of the 33 trapped Chilean miners gave birth to a baby girl, named Esperanza, or "Hope." Ariel Ticona, the miner, had promised to be in the delivery room. His wife, Elizabeth Segovia, will probably forgive him.

[Today's PETA protest of New York Fashion Week didn't involve fake blood—just attractive, half-naked women in body paint. That's more like it. Image via AP]

Today we scratched our heads and wondered where the Obama school speech outrage is this year. You commenters were helpful and provided some rage and confusion for us, just so we didn't feel so disappointed.

You know what grinds Bill Clinton's gears? When liberals attack him for selling out to Republicans for the final six years of his presidency. Clinton addressed these attacks yesterday, referencing a months-old Rachel Maddow barb about his "Republican" presidential record.

New York Sen. Chuck Schumer apparently got all worked up this morning at his Brooklyn polling station, after he showed up too early and waited for the voting machine to load. Don't these ignorant machines know who Chuck Schumer is?

Last September, Barack Obama addressed the nation's schoolchildren to start the new academic year, and conservatives went insane. Many parents worried that Obama would "indoctrinate" their children with Marxism. So where's the angry chorus for this year's same speech?

[Rapper Jay-Z, trying to figure out how much money he's making from his concerts with Eminem, at Yankee Stadium in New York City on Monday night. Pic via AP.]

[Rafael Nadal gets his face all twisted returning a ball in his victorious first set against Novak Djokovic in the men's championship match at the U.S. Open this afternoon. Image via AP]

A diplomat at the Saudi consulate in LA is seeking asylum, saying he fears his countrymen "will kill me openly in broad daylight" should he return. Why? Because they found out that he's gay, and friends with a Jew. [via]

Having trouble understanding President Obama's "worldview"? Former speaker of the House of Representatives and possible Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich may be able to help! According to Newt, you can only understand Obama if you "understand Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior."

Hey media! Are we done with that whole cancelled-9/11-Koran-burning story? Someone might want to tell Afghanistan, because two people died on Sunday in the Lowgar province during a protest against the discontinued event. [Pic of 9/10 protest via AP]

[Allison Low of Fayetteville, Arkansas, holds a picture of her sister, Sara Low, during a memorial for 9/11 victims near Ground Zero. Photo via AP]

Contrived bullshit outrage over the fake Muslim takeover of America threatens to overshadow any sincere attempt at marking this year's anniversary of 9/11. We are inclined to agree with one commenter as to the crappiness of this particular 9/11.

Ever gotten drunk and said something regrettable to a coworker? It's embarrassing, but it's hardly an international incident. Unless you work for the UN—like Chinese diplomat Sha Zukang, who told an American colleague that he doesn't like Americans.