NYPD officer Kenneth Moreno (pictured) and his partner are on trial for allegedly raping a drunk woman in her East Village apartment in 2008. Moreno is referred to in tabloid shorthand as "RAPE COP," which is maybe a wee bit prejudicial, but, you know, tabloids. Yesterday, Moreno took the stand in his own defense. Her version: she came home drunk, the cops came into her apartment multiple times, and Moreno raped her while she was incapacitated. His version: he is too sexxxy for his own good.

As her husband deploys tanks to kill civilians in cities across Syria, many have wondered where in the world the "glamorous, young, and very chic" Asma al-Assad could be. It turns out that the dual British-Syrian citizen is probably hiding out in west London where she grew up, according to reports. The Telegraph spoke with a "high-ranking Arab diplomatic source" who claims that she is indeed staying in North Acton with her family. The source also said, "Clearly her presence could cause huge embarrassment to the British, so none of this has been made public." Yes, that would be pretty embarrassing!

Turns out the Long Island serial killer is likely two serial killers. Great.

House Speaker John Boehner will tell a bunch of bankers tonight that his members won't accept a federal debt ceiling hike for anything less than "trillions" in spending cuts. This is an aggressive posture. Stupid arbitrary caps on stuff!

Florida Gov. Rick Scott recently turned down $2 billion in federal funds for high-speed rail, mostly as a means of sticking it to the liberals in Washington. But If you live in one of more than a dozen other states, you should thank Governor Scott for his sacrifice! Because the Department of Transportation announced how it would divvy up Florida's rejected money today.

Dallas Wiens, who was given the country's first full face transplant surgery back in March, unveiled his new look at a news conference. Know what? He looks pretty damn good!

Is teach pale, a beached whale? A new study out of the normally conscientious nation of Canada indicates that assistant professors in that peaceful nation's institutes of higher learning are woefully deficient in the "Fourth R": exercise.

Well, we have two days for him to back out of it again, but former House Speaker and cuddly animal lover Newt Gingrich is launching a presidential campaign.

CNN is really going for it with this whole "Osama took little kids' balls" thing. As it turns out, thanks to an investigation, we now know that the people who lived in the terrorist mastermind's compound not only kept neighborhood kids' soccer balls, but they kept cricket balls that came over the walls, too. And, by speaking with a 12-year-old neighbor, CNN learned that a "fat guy with a goatee and moustache" lived there. Does this mean Osama bin Laden liked to play cricket? Perhaps he was behind the match fixing scandal that rocked the cricket world last year? Hopefully CNN will get to the bottom of this. We need to know.

The "unprecedented" power struggle in Iran between its supreme leader, Ayatollah Khamenei, and President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad could lead to the latter's imminent resignation. Here's a great briefing on the dirty politics behind all of this, including yesterday's witchcraft arrests.

It doesn't seem like America's path towards deficit reduction will include Rep. Paul Ryan's plan to privatize and voucherize Medicare anymore, friends. Why? Because President Obama was such a jerk about it.

Congratulations! The economy added 244,000 jobs last month. So how come you don't have one? Because that's not nearly enough. Not even close.

Amal al-Sadah, 29-year-old wife of Osama bin Laden, told Pakistani investigators she spent five years in a single room in the Abbottabad compound. Her husband split that time between two rooms. This just gets weirder and weirder. [NYDN]

An ongoing fight between Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and supreme leader Ayatollah Khamenei has taken a turn for the weird, as several of the president's closest advisers have been arrested and charged with being "magicians" and invoking djinns, or spirits.

The first Republican presidential debate — live from South Carolina and broadcast on Fox News — starts tonight at 9:00 ET, and we'll be covering the ordeal live. Show up shortly before the start, and bring plenty of grain alcohol!

New York City police officers tackled and took away for questioning a "suspicious man" outside Ground Zero today, where President Obama was leading a wreath-laying ceremony. The man was walking his bike towards the World Trade Center area and saying, "Secret Service, Secret Service coming through," after which cops tackled him and searched through his messenger bag. And according to the New Jersey Star-Ledger, "witnesses say may have pulled a gun out of a backpack as President Barack Obama's motorcade passed."

Half-Supreme Court Justice Harriet Miers, whose brilliant legal mind was simply too supple to be confined to the nation's highest court, has gone onto a stellar career trying to influence Congress on behalf of foreign agents—including the ones that probably protected Osama bin Laden for a decade.

In your pokey Thursday media column: the latest Katie Couric rumors, The Daily's quite unprofitable, MTV's CEO resigns, more Bill Keller columnizing, and some WaPo departures.

Some considered President Obama's decision to release his birth certificate last week a fool's errand, since those who didn't think he was born in the United States wouldn't ever respond to more definitive evidence. It still may have been a silly argument to engage — that press conference of him showing his papers will always seem beyond surreal, if not plain depressing. But now a whole 70 percent of Americans believe he was born in Hawaii! You know what that means: This issue is coming dangerously close to something that we'll never have to write about again.

George W. Bush turned down an Obama administration invitation to appear by his side at Ground Zero today, claiming he wants to stay out of the spotlight and that he already plans to be there for the 10th anniversary memorial in September. Fair enough! But this doesn't mean Team Bush won't leak bitchy comments to the Daily News just in time for Obama's visit, anyway.