After hilariously bumping Ann Coulter from Tuesday's show for Perez Hilton, NBC's Today asked the conservative simpleton on the next day, an olive branch she accepted with grace and wit. Hahahahahahaaa.

Ann Coulter has a new book out called GLORBAHLF: LIBERAL TERROR DEATH and she was going to go sell this book on Today but then NBC woke up and remembered that its not 2002.

Today is Ann Coulter's 47th birthday. Sadly, since it was only a couple of weeks ago that her jaw was wired shut after an accident, it's unclear if Coulter will get to blow out any candles or eat any birthday cake today. Others celebrating: Teri Hatcher is 44. Sinead O'Connor is turning 42. Lost's Dominic Monaghan is 32. Nick Zinner of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs is 34. The Allman Brothers' Gregg Allman turning 61. Mike Mussina is 40. David Carradine is 72. Jackass co-creator Jeff Tremaine is turning 42. And Kim Basinger is turning 55, although she probably won't be getting any warm birthday wishes from Alec Baldwin.

Popular nostalgia act Ann Coulter's new book is called GUILTY: How the Liberal Media Is Biased Against the Lizard People. Well, just kidding about that subtitle but you get the basic idea. The book is about how Ann Coulter is still marketable. Maybe her jaw will be unwired in time for the promotional tour. [Drudge, Earlier: Ann Coulter's Top Secret New Book!]

♦ Alex Rodriguez won't be eating turkey with his tots. His estranged wife Cynthia says her "6-foot-3, 220-pound soul-less, soon-to-be ex-husband is abandoning his kids on Thanksgiving to be with Madonna." [P6]
♦ Amy Winehouse is back in the hospital after yet another "reaction to a medication." [NYDN]
♦ Ann Coulter broke her jaw. And now her mouth has been wired shut! [P6]
♦ Kate Moss was spotted leaving a party with "some mysterious scratches on her cheek." [Daily Mail]
♦ Fashion designer Stacey Bendet and her husband, the son of former Disney CEO Michael Eisner, had a baby. [P6]

• Ann Coulter's mouth was literally wired shut. Though the "leggy reactionary" can't talk, it's safe to assume she'd blame liberals. [P6]

Clare Boothe Luce, the witty and charming author and congresswoman, was also the wife of fantastically wealthy, terribly influential far-right crackpot Time and Life publisher Henry Luce. Back in 1936 Clare Boothe Luce wrote The Women, a wonderful play about how women are all undermining backstabby gossipy bitches, because Luce hated women. So naturally the Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute exists now to promote and support leading conservative women in politics. Anyway! Their annual pinup calendar is out! Would you like to see perpetually enraged blogger Michelle Malkin and predictably enraging author Ann Coulter decked out like extras in a dinner theater production of Dinner at Eight? Sure you would. Click through.

Oh boy, hot news from Random House: once-popular entertainer Ann Coulter has a new book coming out! It's on sale, uh, five days after Christmas, and it's called.. well, apparently the title is embargoed. "This book is so hot we can't tell you what it's about," Random House claims. "Ann Coulter never disappoints." Man. They sure sound excited to be promoting this one, right? We can guess the book will be full of the usual Ann Coulter material, slightly updated for a new age of Democratic ascendence, but what is the over-arching theme? How will she top SLANDER: Liberal Lies About the American Right, TREASON: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism, and GODLESS: The Church of Liberalism? Maybe this one is called "SOCIALISM." Or "GAYNESS." Or "BESTIALITY." Or "BAD THING: Liberals Being Not Good From Pontius Pilate to Kim Jong-il." Or "NEGRO: That Is The Color Of the Liberal Heart In Illegal Immigrant Spanish, Not a Racist Reference to Barack Obama (Wink Wink)." Or "ALIEN LIZARD PERSON: What I Am." Whatever it's called, we're sure it'll be a big hit, because Ann Coulter is still very popular and relevant.

Anne Pressly, the anchorwoman of a 5 a.m. TV newscast in Little Rock, Arkansas, was attacked in her home, beaten, and stabbed some time early Monday morning. She's now in critical condition. Her other claim to fame: she played (a younger, more attractive) Ann Coulter in the new Oliver Stone flick W. And like the restaurant critic yesterday who was attacked in Albany, there seems to be some suspicion Pressly may have been specifically targeted:

Attention-starved ring wraith Ann Coulter called (allegedly?) philandering former Vice Presidential candidate John Edwards "faggy" today. Oh, Ann, you really, really are a chore. And I've seen the species of sweaty-collared, ham-faced males you've fawned all over at Langan's, you wearying length of gristle.

Hey, Julia Allison's on the cover of once-important lifestyle rag Wired! Ms. Allison, who's moved beyond the "dating columnist/celeb talking head" thing to become a noted dater-of-rich-nerds, is the subject of yet another of those interminable stories about becoming Internet Famous in Three Easy Steps. We haven't read the piece, except that we already did in a different magazine like a month ago. More importantly: editors and contributors who perhaps have some doubt as to your value as a cover model may undermine the honor with unflattering photoshop work and coverlines. ("Even if you're nobody," eh?) Just ask right-wing comedienne Ann Coulter. And consider yourself warned.

Yet more video has surfaced from Harry Shearer's magic satellite dish, the one that catches only feeds of television people engaging in embarrassing behavior just before they go on air. This installment begins and ends with brownshirt-friendly controversialist and faghag comedienne Ann Coulter politely requesting that someone cut up a line of Nicorette for her to snort, and in between we visit angry right-wing pundit Bill O'Reilly and scarf-obsessed network anchor Katie Couric. And more! Mildly unsettling clip embedded after the jump.

Coulter is a bomb-slinging conservative pundit and bestselling author of books that accuse liberals of being godless heathens who want to undermine America.

"They said the unholy union" between Ann Coulter and Dem former City Council president Andrew Stein—first reported and possibly invented by Page Six—wouldn't work. And "they" were right! The pretend relationship is over. He just wasn't her type, in that he is not a half-dozen gay dudes. [NYP]

On Friday, the Los Angeles Times fussbudget columnist Joel Stein announced that he's "horribly jealous" of conservative pain-in-the-ass Ann Coulter—"After all these years of Coultering, people still get riled up over her obvious attempts to make us mad," writes Joel, obviously pissed off that his own attempts to piss people off haven't delivered to him an iconic reputation such as the one Coulter has, for better or worse. He tests his theory that anything she might say would tick people off like so: "I developed the Ann Coulter Mad Libs™." Now, because someone already did it a month ago, bloggers are calling for his head over the column. We don't know enough to judge—but anything that might prevent Joel from writing is fine in our book!

Hateful propagandist and raging faghag/camp icon Ann Coulter has shocked and appalled some HuffPo blogger by, well, existing. And dining at a gay restaurant with all her gay friends in gay West Hollywood. She's not allowed to have gay friends! She was mean to John Edwards! She has blood on her hands! [Towleroad]

• At last, Us Weekly confirms that Jennifer Lopez has finally succeeded at her lifelong goal of conceiving a child. Her only regret is that that witch Halle Berry beat her to it. [Us Weekly]
  

Therapy patient George Gurley's long love affair with Republican propagandist Ann Coulter, 46 (now 48??), continues today in the pages of the New York Observer. It's the same old shtick from the fiery polemicist, and, like Ann herself, it's pretty damn thin: Hillary Clinton will "impose communism" on America if elected, Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter are responsible for 9/11, the death of 3000 American troops in Iraq is no big deal, etc. Frankly, it's a little pathetic: Ann has pretty much tapped out her ability to provoke outrage, because we've heard it all before from her. There's pretty much nothing she can do or say at this point to shock or offend. Unless she's somehow satisfied with her increasing irrelevance in the national conversation, she's going to need to make some grand gesture that once again puts her in the forefront of American hate figures. We're not sure how she could do it, but maybe she could start by calling Barack Obama what the kids call "the n word." That might ruffle a few feathers.

For various reasons, we got lost in the Gawker archives last night. So what happened on this day in years gone by?

Worlds collide: former "it" boy and minisocialite Fabian Basabe interviews angry right-winger Ann Coulter, 46. Coulter suggests that John Edwards is gay. Again. [Paper]