Like most people, we've found the whole Madonna-adopting-a-Maliwian-boy intensely distasteful on so many levels. But who, we wondered, would correctly articulate our discomfort? Step forward Andrea Peyser of the Post, whose sour visage should somehow become a recognized emoticon for the wagging finger. In calm, emotionless prose, Peyser makes her case against Madonna's - wait a sec, we're just now reading the whole thing and HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

SHE LOOKED LIKE A LITTLE GIRL WHO HAD TO GO POTTY [NYP]

GAWKED: OMG, have you seen that picture of Andrea Peyser with Boy George?
GAWKED: "I'm chasing a ROCK STAR. If I dress in denim and black shades, he'll think I'm one of them and open up to me!"
GAWKEDTOO: Hmm. She's rocking the denim cowgirl look.
GAWKEDTOO: But otherwise not terrible, to be honest.
GAWKED: I love the notepad. It screams "girl reporter." She's like a post-menopausal Brenda Starr.
GAWKEDTOO: The rolled up jeans are sporty and spunky. You can't fault her for that.
GAWKED: Her hatchet-faced scowl always did scream "practicality," I guess.

It's rare that we agree with Andrea Peyser, whose scowling column photo is generally an accurate predictor of the content within, but this Saturday she had a column that was shockingly good, by Post standards. Contrasting the coverage of the murders of Jennifer Moore and Imette St. Guillen to that of Brooklyn victim Chanel Petro-Nixon, Peyser made the all-too-correct point that we've heard little about Petro-Nixon's slaying because, well, she's black. It was a brave statement to make, especially in the Post, which covers bad things happening to pretty women with laser-like intensity. Peyser should be congratulated for using her column to point out the mainstream media's lack of interest in victims of color, as should the Post.

There are over 1000 columnists spewing brilliance and lunacy in unfortunately unequal doses, but a survey of 154 of them turns up batshit results: when describing what it's like to write a column, "26% of salaried columnists called it a job and 17% likened it to sex." But what kind of sex? As painful as it is for us to imagine fornicating journalists (shudder), we've got our guesses: When writing, Maureen Dowd goes cowgirl, but John Tierney prefers missionary (so that's why it didnt work). Stanley Crouch would never admit it, but he can't meet deadline without bottoming; Andrea Peyser just reads like a bondage freak. And of course, Ann Coulter's just hate-fucking all sorts of fuzzy baby animals.

• Spin and Vibe are — shhh! — up for sale, much to Quincy Jones' chagrin. Buy 'em now, 'cause they're not getting any more relevant. [Radar]
• Andrea Peyser, winner of the Bestest Column In the History Of the World Ever Award For Excellence, really, really, really wants to stir up shit with Maureen Dowd. She quotes an Imus transcript, sort of calls MoDo a slut while calling her out on calling Judy Miller a slut. Women, jeez. [NYP]
• New CBS News boss Sean McManus donated a whopping $250 to Bush in '04. So he's a conservative and extremely stingy. That's no way to be a Pioneer, Sean! [E&P, via some blog]
• The internet "encourages even the most diligent reporters to become entertainers, even shills." Hey, did you hear that Al Reynolds got arrested? [CityPaper]
• Rupert Murdoch is buying the internet. By the way, please welcome new Gawker Editor Andrea Peyser. [Guardian]

It's a tough week for all Americans. And it's a particularly tough week for braying Bush-apologist rightwing nutjobs — like Post columnist Andrea Peyser.

WARNING: DO NOT READ TODAY'S POST. You may be tempted by the cover story, which continues yesterday's finger-pointing at mafia spawn Victoria Gotti, who may have exaggerated her health concerns in order to gain public sympathy. But it's so not worth it. If you're sitting down and in a safe place, we'll explain: