Twas our penultimate tale of auditions on Idol last night, and yet again a woeful menagerie of lost souls flitted across our screens, floating through the thin air of Denver like warbling cowboy ghosts.

Before the announcement that Ellen DeGeneres would replace Paula Abdul on American Idol's judging panel, Victoria Beckham (aka Posh Spice) was rumored to be a candidate. Thankfully, she wasn't chosen, because—as a guest judge tonight—she was horrible.

Winner of the Massachusetts' Senate Deathrace™ Scott Brown pimped out his daughters on election night after he won. Now, he's using the press from his political win to try to get his daughter Ayla Brown back on American Idol.

You know what we are not supposed to mess with? Texas. There is to be no messing in or around Texas. None. So wait. Why then was American Idol blustering through Dallas, shaming people horribly last night?

Is nothing in this world sacred anymore?! General Larry Platt (if that's his real name) claimed he wrote "Pants on the Ground" on American Idol. Turns out he wrote NOTHING. He just stole the song and slightly changed the lyrics.

We're goin' to Hollywoooood! No, adorable wisher, we're not done with auditions and watching Hollywood Week. This week's installment of 10,000 Maniacs: The TV Series just took place in LA, so the judges could sleep in their own beds.

Even though the throngs of hopefuls were already there, tonight's American Idol still featured many "I'm going to Hollywood!" exclamations. And if the episode had a theme, it was this: LA brings the crazies. Oh, and Crying Girl? She's baaaack!

• How many people have signed up for Newsday.com since the newspaper put up a pay wall three months ago? A grand total of 35, believe it or not. [NYO]
• Following in Oprah's footsteps, Martha Stewart announced she's moving her syndicated TV show to cable (the Hallmark Channel) next fall. [Reuters, WSJ]
• NBC honcho Jeff Gaspin says he "underestimated the level of emotion" that would follow the decision to change up NBC's late-night schedule. Fortunately, the Olympics are here, which he says will be "a cleansing moment." [NYT, AP]
• Ratings are up at Fox News: The network was ranked No. 1 in primetime cable last week. Strangely, Fox News was also ranked "the most trusted name in news," according to a national survey released today. Seriously. [NYT, PD]
• There's lots of anxiety in the air over at CNN, not surprisingly. [Politico]
• Yet another Post staffer is suing the paper for discrimination. [Gawker]
• Roger Hodge, the editor of Harper's, has been let go. [NYT]
• More than 83 million people tuned in on Friday for the Haiti telethon. [LAT]
• Who's going to replace Simon Cowell on AI? Possibly one of these guys. [NYM]
• Nancy Grace loves cameras in courtrooms. Except when she's the one doing the testifying, in which case they can cause "embarrassment." [AP]

Hair is holding an open casting and it is plagued by crazies from far and wide who don't really want to get to Broadway, they just want attention. Thanks American Idol, now instead of auditions, we have the freak parade.

The only people who make it through the Idol screening process are freaks, people with borderline talent, and people with actual talent. This year Simon seems to be saying yes to the first two at an alarming rate.

"Orlaaannnnndo! Concrete jungle where dreams die and wither in the hot palmetto sun and everyone's miserable..." We were in Florida last night, proud member of our nation, and gosh did we see a lot of miserable people. One got arrested!

If American Idol is all about dreams (and it is), then last night was a nightmare. Not the sit-bolt-upright-in-bed kind of nightmare. But one of those bad dreams that's difficult and long, the ones that make you wake up tired.

"General" Larry Platt came on the show this morning and performed his "hit" song, "Pants on the Ground." This American Idol reject seems to be enjoying his fifteen minutes during his nutty performance and bizarre interview with the View gals.

Miley Cyrus has a ring that gives her special powers, like attracting press! Jeff Bridges basically is The Dude. Tiger Woods likes hot asses, but whose? Fake hair! Golden showers! Taxes! Chicks making out! Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Jimmy Fallon's cold open last night was another epic Neil Young impression. If you thought his rendition of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air's theme was impressive, just wait until you hear Neil Young sing Larry Platt's "Pants on the Ground."

Today at Gawker.TV, poker strategies for Conan O'Brien, mascot for the Mets suggestively thrusts at JuJu Chang, David After Dentist gets his revenge, Howard Stern's rant about Jay Leno and American Idol's "Pants on the Ground."

Last night our singing carnival wagoned south to the land of red dirt and REM. Georgia was the spot! In the big GA our judges found... Well, not a whole hell of a lot, actually. They found Mary J. Blige.

While the audition rounds used to be can't miss TV to gawk at astonishingly bad performances, it's grown tired this season. For the most part, they're staged, but this one was so good that it doesn't even matter.

• Sick of the Leno-Conan saga yet? Conan is still negotiating an exit from NBC (and will probably continue ripping the network to shreds on his show until a deal is done). And now there's a rumor that Jay Leno may bolt from NBC as well, since "it looks like he is the reason that Conan is now without a job." The good news for everyone involved? All that drama has been great for ratings.
• The fact it was NBC chief Jeff Zucker who greenlit The Biggest Loser a few years back? Judging by the coverage today, it's looking increasingly likely that those three words haunt him forever/serve as his career epitaph. [NYT, NYP]
• Roger Ailes isn't leaving Fox News, says News Corp. prez Chase Carey. [LAT]
• CBS Early Show news anchor Russ Mitchell is leaving the program. [NYT]
• Last night's season premiere of American Idol reeled in 30 mil. people. [LAT]
• Sarah Palin's debut on Fox News last night scored big ratings, too. [HP]
• Did you hear Vogue staffers have to take the subway from now on due to cost cuts? Needless to say, Anna Wintour is exempt from this sort of insanity. [P6]
• Not too many Condé Nast employees were sad to see Richard Beckman leave the company. And there's no word yet on who will replace him. [NYO, NYP]
• Ben Silverman, the second-worst executive in the history of NBC (see above), but who got lucky and was canned just in the nick of time, is engaged. [P6]
• Project Runway returns to the air—and NYC—tomorrow night. [NYDN]

American Idol is finally back! And this year, once again, is advertised as better than all the others. It has auditions! And judging! And product placement! But the real draw? Simon Cowell, the alpha and omega of the show's success.