Stephen Colbert has made no secret of his fondness for Rick Perry, so it was only natural that he'd use tonight's Report to go to bat for Perry against critics of the Texas governor's disastrous performance in last week's Republican debate. The arguments Colbert made while doing so, however, were a bit more unorthodox.
Certain Internet forces with apparent magical powers have synced Rick Perry's lip movements during a speech to strange, alternate words that nevertheless are probably more coherent than what he was really saying. Does that make sense? It is hard to describe this sort of witchcraft.
Where does Michele Bachmann stand on normalizing trade relations with Cuba? Well. It's not particularly high on her priority list, let's say! Not merely because they're dirty commies. But also, apparently, because Cuba is working with Hezbollah to potentially set up missile sites on the island. Perhaps you might even call it a... Cuban Missile Crisis? Or is this something of an exaggeration?
Here's some unsettling footage of Barack Obama addressing a group of supporters at the House of Blues on L.A.'s Sunset Strip on Monday night. During the president's remarks, an unseen man approaches the stage, and proceeds to shout at the top of his lungs...
Rick Perry's dismal performance at last week's GOP debate has many people doubting his ability to secure the Republican nomination for president in 2012. Republicans losing interest in Perry aren't shifting their support to Mitt Romney. In the last few days, there's been renewed interest in having New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie waddle into the race. We wondered today whether Christie could even survive a Republican primary, and as you'll see in this clip from tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart isn't too high on his chances either.
Well looky here, it's some white girls doing a rap on YouTube. There is some precedent for this. But "candy rapper and double K" could save Rick Perry's presidential campaign from its, uh, modest, transient dip over the past week, by lending him this theme song! Watch them babble nonsense for a couples of minutes without any connection to the beat, just like Rick Perry does when he tries to attack Mitt Romney. Is this parody? Whether it is or it isn't, it is. [Mother Jones via Uproxx]
Which Republican politician's turn is it next to be summoned into the presidential race and then immediately dismissed and hated by the party base over a pragmatic policy stance or two? Perhaps the good Governor Sandwiches of New Jersey, Chris Christie, who still has no interest in running for president but may be kidnapped in the middle of the night by a few whiny hedge fund managers and reprogrammed (forced at gunpoint) into "taking the plunge."
Why does Rick Perry actually do to prepare for his debates? He should prepare more, because he's terrible at them.
Lots of wacky things were said on stage at the Republican debate in Orlando this evening, but it was Rep. Michele Bachmann who earned herself the Complete Absence of Logic award when she advocated for a zero percent tax rate:
Republican presidential debate audiences, what with their cheering executions and telling the uninsured to just go and die already, sure are great, aren't they? At tonight's Fox News/Google debate in Florida, the crowd stuck with tradition by booing a gay soldier who'd asked about the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" repeal. Come for the booing, stay for Rick Santorum equating being gay to "sex."
It's your lucky day, everyone: You have the opportunity to give Sarah Palin lots of money! And if you give her enough money she might just run for president. That's the deal. Do you, by any chance, feel like you might be getting played? Well stop feeling that way and hand over the fucking cash.
Rep. Michele Bachmann has had all sorts of fun adventures on the presidential campaign trail, whether it's by introducing herself to likely voter babies, playing with heavy machinery, or gazing down long rows of hanging animal carcasses. When will she finish losing this race already?
The Republican presidential candidates are debating tonight in Orlando, shining city of "corporate amusement parks"! Our hosts for the evening are Fox News and Google, who have planned all sorts of gimmicky social media bullshit to whiz by the candidates' faces throughout the evening. Which of these nine suckers will lose the most? Let us consider that, and other concerns.
The latest bizarre twist to the Michele Bachmann campaign, which has quickly devolved into the political equivalent of sticking a 7x7 blotter of bad acid directly to your eyeballs, involves recent claims she made linking HPV vaccines to mental retardation in young girls. Now Bachmann is backtracking, telling the AP — in a story titled, "Bachmann says vaccine retardation claim not hers" — that she was simply "relaying what a woman had said...I wasn't attesting to her accuracy. I wasn't attesting to anything."
Think Team Trump wouldn't use his meeting with Rick Perry last night to greatly and farcically exaggerate his power over the Republican presidential contest? No, of course you didn't think that. Anyway, we just want to confirm that it happened.
A strange report from early July about presidential candidate Herman Cain's troubles in Iowa mysteriously noted "swirling rumors between Cain's staff and volunteers in the Hawkeye State accusing each other of affairs, homosexuality and professional misconduct." And that was it! So what kind of gay shit was going down on the Cain Train? We're starting to learn.
Pennsylvania Republicans control the state's governorship and both chambers of the state legislature. What else is there for them to do at a time like this besides helping to screw over Barack Obama's reelection chances by instituting an audacious, illogical electoral system?
