At CNN's Tea Party-indulging debate on Monday, Ron Paul, a medical doctor, faced a pointed line of questioning from Wolf Blitzer regarding the case of an uninsured young man who suddenly found himself in dire need of intensive health care.

Last night, CNN teamed up with the Tea Party Express for yet another debate between the remaining 2012 Republican presidential candidates. But before the debate audience could get to cheering for the death of uninsured Americans, Wolf Blitzer spent way too much time on introductory pomp and circumstance. So just like he did the last time CNN hosted a debate, Jon Stewart mocked the network's focus on style over substance on tonight's Daily Show.

What new, irritating things have recently gone down in the fire-soaked hell fields of America's anti-best state, Arizona? It's always important to check in, in case, say, Steven Seagal is riding a tank en route to a chicken/puppy massacre. The latest news doesn't involve any murder, thank goodness. Only the possible collapse of the Republican primary schedule. Hooray!

Michele Bachmann finally found an attack line to wrest ultraconservative support from Rick Perry last night: That he mandated vaccinations against HPV for "innocent little girls," by executive order, to help his campaign contributors. Good for Michele!...??? But it's the anecdote about the vaccine leaving one girl mentally retarded that really makes this somethin' else.

Wolf Blitzer is "watching very closely" in Tampa, Florida tonight as he moderates a CNN/Tea Party debate between the remaining Republican presidential candidates. On the topic of healthcare, Blitzer asked Congressman Ron Paul what he'd do if an otherwise healthy 30-year-old man without health insurance needed six months of intensive care to survive: "Are you saying that society should just let him die?"

Isn't it just cute, at the end of the day? The Tea Party Express got their very own presidential debate in Florida, thanks to the suckers at CNN. They'll be asking only the best questions, like "What will you do about United Nations Agenda 21?" and "Will you salt the ground over NPR's building after defunding and destroying it?" Oh, golly. Pour a shot of whiskey up your nostril and let's watch!

The Republican candidates for president just debated five nights ago at the St. Ronald of Reagan gravesite in California. Couldn't they just leave us alone for a while, after that? No! We have to have a CNN/Tea Party Express debate in Florida tonight, to allow Wolf Blitzer and some right-wing grifters confuse the American public into the fetal position.

Failed presidential candidate Tim Pawlenty took to Fox News' innumerate dementia variety hour, Fox & Friends, this morning, to make some hot news: He's endorsing Mitt Romney — for president, of all things! And Mittens, in return, is naming TPAW one of his national co-chairmen. What else? Will they spend long weekends in the Poconos together, too?

Rep. Michele Bachmann was unusually silent and uncared-about during last night's debate, in the latest sign that Rick Perry has completely eaten her lunch and all that's left for her campaign is a tragicomic, Norma Desmond-esque flameout. What can she do? Perhaps call a news conference to rebut Obama's speech tonight! Someone's got to do it. (Not really.)

President Obama hasn't even given his big jobs speech yet, but that didn't stop Mitt Romney from declaring it a failure—and unveiling his own 160-page economic plan—during a rambling speech in Las Vegas today. The only thing more obvious than the impracticality of Romney's proposals was how desperate he is to be elected. Or as Jon Stewart put it on tonight's Daily Show: "You want to be President so bad, Al Gore can taste it."

Before anything else: Let us bow our heads in prayer to St. Ronald Reagan, the dead host of tonight's debate in California. Our Lord, Ronald Reagan, hallowed be thy name. You are the man. What was that movie you were in? Amen. Now let's get out there and kick each other's asses!

It's time for another Republican presidential debate tonight, like the fourth of 'em or something like that! And after tonight, you'll have to wait a whole five days for your next opportunity to watch them babble strange collective nonsense again. So what should we expect from tonight's gathering at the St. Ronald Reagan of Reagan Presidential Library in California? Here's the "insider's take."

Nobody wants Sarah Palin to run for president, except for every Democratic political operative and a persistent twenty-ish percent of the Republican electorate who only want her. Of course, she probably won't. But Republican pundits really want her to clarify that decision soon, if only to silence her supremely irritating fans.

We've got to apologize. We at Gawker did not give you any advance preparation for Mitt Romney's big economic speech at McCandless International Trucks in North Las Vegas this afternoon! Alas, the strippers and illegal fireworks portion of the program has already concluded. So you're better off just sneaking out of work early to go home and read his 160-page economic plan, on the toilet.

"Ignored" fourth-place presidential candidate Ron Paul seems to be feeling frisky nowadays, just frisky enough to make an attack ad! How conventional. Is he selling out? No, he's just mocking Rick Perry like everybody else. But there's a certain angle to this ad that doesn't make much sense: That Ron Paul really liked Ronald Reagan's presidency.

Despite threatening to cancel her scheduled appearance at today's "Restoring America" Tea Party rally in Indianola, Iowa, our honorable Christian soldier Sarah Palin decided to show up after all. Not many other people did, though.

Do Sarah Palin's visits to Iowa and New Hampshire this Labor Day weekend augur a presidential candidacy announcement in the near future? A whole 71% of Republican voters sure as Hell hope not.

Another September presidential debate has been announced, you guys! Now we have ones scheduled for September 7, 12, and 22, so don't forget to stock up on whiskey and hydrocodone. Especially for the last one: The Google/Fox News debate, which will feature an array of cutesy social media tricks they're calling "context."

One-percent presidential candidate Jon Huntsman is playing a sneaky game in his desperate quest to remain a viable presidential candidate throughout the fall. He's trying to preserve his media image as a "moderate" alternative by letting it be known that he believes in evolution and climate change. Since we have such low standards for "moderation" now, this makes him appear serious. But then he sneaks off and delivers the Republican base a radically conservative plan for the economy, a.k.a. the thing that matters. Do not fall for this seemingly nice man!

In perhaps the most gratuitously—and joyously!—dickish move of his presidency, Barack Obama has scheduled a primetime congressional address next week at the precise moment Politico and MSNBC will be hosting a debate for the GOP presidential candidates. Have fun with your little JV debate club, bitches!