Everybody meet Keelut, who was forced by his owner to attend the California Republican Party Convention in Los Angeles, wear that sloppy-ass sandwich board, and act like he supports a moron. He just looks so, so happy to be there.

When Keelut got home later that night, he sat in front of his tiny dog television with a pack of Winstons and an ash tray shaped like the state of Florida and watched C-Span late into the night, chain-smoking and meditating on what it would be like to abandon this whole failed American Experiment and motorcycle all the way to Mexico. To start a new life. To escape all he knew. To stop having to sacrifice his dignity just to people-please. To never have to wear that sandwich board again.

Update: Paul won the straw poll. [Image via Getty]