Musicless music videos can make any song creepier than the original—just ask Nirvana—but this edit of Grammy-winning human hat-rack Pharrell Williams's "Happy" is notable because of how much buoyant optimism was sucked out to produce ... well, whatever this is.

The Oregon teenager accused of urinating into a Portland reservoir, causing the city to dump more than 38 million gallons of treated water, has denied the allegations: "I didn't piss in the fucking water," Dallas Swonger said in an interview with Vocativ.

Of being laid off after more than 40 years in journalism, Trentonian editorial writer David Neese said: "What the hell, I've been at this so damn long it's maybe about time somebody gonged me." May we all exit with his remarkable perspicacity.

The vice principal of a South Korean high school who was rescued from a sinking ferry full of his students was found hanged to death on Friday.

Spotted on a Tehran runway this week was a private jet with an American flag on its tail carrying an unknown passenger who seems very determined to remain anonymous. The New York Times asks, conspiracy or totally normal?

Well-known shirtless outdoorsman stock photography model Vladimir Putin had a little fun today, telling a Russian audience that he thinks Barack Obama would totally rescue him if he started drowning.

An Iranian man was seconds away from being executed for stabbing a young man to death, when the victim's mother unexpectedly pardoned him and saved his life.

Whoopi Goldberg loves her vaporizer, is now a weed columnist.

David Lynch's inner life seems like a surreal, dreamy place, so it's not all that surprising that he casually hangs out with fictional characters from time to time.

The premise of Ira Sachs' sixth feature, Love Is Strange, recalls a type of story we read in the news with increasing frequency: George (Alfred Molina) marries his husband Ben (John Lithgow) and loses his job teaching at a Catholic school as a result. That sounds like a recipe for a heavy-handed message movie, but the beauty of Love Is Strange (and it really is a beautiful movie – hands down my favorite I've seen so far this year) is its subtlety.

This weekend, a News Nerd story with the headline "Patti Labelle Arrested After Fist Fight with Aretha Franklin" made the rounds. As of right now, the post has been shared 1,700 times on Twitter and 41,000 times on Facebook. People gleefully spread the news that these ladies of soul, elegance, and attitude came to blows. Of course, if people thought for a second, "That's ridiculous! I've never heard of the News Nerd. Can I trust this source?" and then checked the site's home page, they would have seen more ridiculous headlines and a disclaimer at the bottom of the screen:

Kobra, whose son Bilal was convicted of murdering Abdollah Hosseinzadeh, embraces Abdollah's mother Samereh Alinejad after she pardoned the murderer. The last-minute pardon occurred just before Bilal was to be executed in public on Tuesday in the northern city of Nour, Iran. Image via ISNA, Arash Khamoushi/AP.

To honor beauty, People has poorly Photoshopped some images of People's Most Beautiful People awkwardly embracing younger versions of the people they would become. The result: Dr. Frankenstein's People. Click here to see a youthful Kate Hudson attempting to wriggle away from her future nose.

A 29-year-old porn actress was arrested Wednesday and charged with 5 counts of cruelty to animals in connection with a series of fetish videos involving rabbits, fish, rats, and chickens. She's the second performer charged in the case, the Miami Herald reports.

As part of its secretive judging process, the Pulitzer Prize committee closely guards the names of outlets and reporters who submit their work for consideration. But a loophole in the Prize’s online submission website inadvertently revealed that BuzzFeed and The Daily Beast sought but did not win journalism’s highest honor.

Chelsea Clinton, scion of a former president and a possible future one—and more recently, vice-chair of the Bill, Hillary, and Chelsea Clinton Foundation—has announced she's pregnant, according to CNN's Robert Yoon.

The combined worth of the cartoon villain-esque Koch brothers is now more than $100 billion. The combined worth of six members of the Walton family is now $145 billion. These are The Presidents of the United States of America.

Author and Nobel laureate Gabriel García Márquez has died in Mexico after a long illness, according to a source close to the family. He was 87 years old.

Rich: I realized I had a knife in my bag on the way to the United Nations. It's a pocket knife—a nice one—and while I've never used it (I've never had to), I did not want to give it up. But I knew we'd be searched. I also worried about leaving it in the cab and having someone pick it up and kill someone with it. That knife is safer on me than not, but I'm not safe with it.

A popular community college professor was suspended after posting a photo of his daughter wearing an oversized T-shirt bearing a tagline from this season of Game of Thrones—Daenerys Targaryen's "I will take what is mine with fire and blood."