Chrissie Ortiz was arrested on assault charges yesterday evening, just two days after her husband Ramsey Orta was arrested on an unrelated weapons charge. Orta, who filmed the fatal arrest of Eric Garner, said his arrest was set-up by the cops, and Ortiz echoed that claim in the press.

After a string of four alleged knifepoint robberies in Woodbridge, New Jersey, Joshua James Pawlak was arrested and brought to Middlesex County Jail yesterday. His bounty: two dollars snatched from a bakery's countertop tip jar.

If violent, screaming confrontations over day-old cupcakes and losing guns in McDonald's bathrooms sounds like your kind of thing, you should consider a job at the Denver Sheriff's Department. According to disciplinary letters obtained by the Denver Post, over the past 18 months deputies and employees at the department have been reprimanded for accidentally discharging their service weapons at least two times, losing a prisoner (and then arresting the wrong person), feeding prisoners homemade sandwiches and letting them watch YouTube videos, and abandoning posts six hours early.

Portuguese football stud Cristiano Ronaldo was recently convinced, either by a lot of money or some sort of solemn blood debt, to endorse a Japanese product called the Facial Fitness PAO, a workout device for your face. As you can see in this commercial, a PAO session involves cramming a bite-plate with wings into your mouth and bobbing your head like you're fellating the Golden Snitch.

There are people who want to look like Tumblr grew legs and walked out of ass-town. Look at this guy. Fuck this guy.

Richard Linklater's Boyhood was filmed over the course of 11 years and, by all accounts, is completely worth the wait. Also worth the wait: One theatergoer's farts, released with incredible comic timing at a screening of Linklater's masterpiece.

This week, the Senate Intelligence Committee is fighting the White House and the CIA over pre-publication redactions made to a Congressional report on the agency's use of torture and rendition. This debate is very personal for Khadija al-Saadi, who at 12 years old was rendered from Hong Kong to Libya in a joint CIA-MI6 operation in 2004.

Chinese socialite Guo Meimei, the 23-year-old Kim Kardashian of the East, appeared on state TV in an orange jumpsuit to apologize for her history of alleged illegal gambling and prostitution in the midst of the country's faltering earthquake relief effort. Guo (maybe) used to work for the Red Cross, and the organization says her reputation is hurting donations.

A few days ago, The New York Times published a short item about writer-actor-poet-director James Franco’s various collaborations with the actor Scott Haze, such as Franco’s recent film adaption of Cormac McCarthy’s Child of God, in which Haze plays a necrophiliac named Lester Ballard. Another role Haze appears to be playing: Franco’s live-in boyfriend.

It should come as a surprise to no one that before he was Andy on Parks and Rec and Star-Lord in Guardians of the Galaxy, Chris Pratt was a teenage goofball.

Let us now update our list of civic ripoffs.

The East Williamsburg/Bushwick section of Brooklyn is set to become home to the first twenty-four hour diner/music venue that also has a dedicated Spin the Bottle table. Now you don't have to wait another ten years to put those soft lips of yours to work.

David Slater, the British nature photographer whose camera equipment was stolen by a selfie-mad macaque in 2011, has made repeated attempts to remove the famous photos that resulted from Wikimedia Commons, a database of royalty-free media from the organization behind Wikipedia. Wikimedia refused, claiming that Slater does not own the images' copyright.

The Streisand Effect, where the act of trying to hide something only results in more people seeing it, should probably be renamed The Eva Green's Boobs Effect. Green's breasts are at the peak of their fame after the uptight MPAA banned her Sin City: A Dame to Kill For poster for showing a hint of nipple under a sheer dress.

If you're a regular commuter or tourist in New York City, here's some exciting news: Earlier this week, MTA officials discovered that three N trains were infested with bedbugs.

Yesterday, we published leaked internal documents from Conde Nast describing the company's plans for a series of Monsanto-sponsored propaganda videos hosted by Mo Rocca. Last night we received the following note from Mo Rocca:

When he's not busy watching you poop, Jeff Goldblum is game for all kinds of shenanigans. Need him to sing Biz Markie's "Just a Friend?" He can do that. Want him to be in your wedding photos, pretending to run away from a Jurassic Park dinosaur? Life, uh, finds a way.

One of the drivers in the double decker bus crash in Times Square yesterday has been charged with "driving while ability impaired," according to NYPD. AM New York explains that this kind of charge "usually apply to drivers who are on prescription medication, drugs or have been drinking but are not above the legal limit."

The majority of Americans are currently living on their friend's couch "just for a few weeks until my raise at Rite Aid comes through." In sympathy, our professional elected Congresswomen are also actual, real-life hobos.

This morning, a group of commuters at Stirling station on Australia's Transperth line worked together to lift a train and free a man whose leg was trapped between a car and the platform.