A group of Russian students celebrated Barack Obama's 53rd birthday Monday by laser-projecting an image of the U.S. president with a banana sliding suggestively in and out of his mouth onto the U.S. embassy in Moscow.

Things just keep getting better and better for the American hero known Apparently Kid. Hours after his appearance on the Today Show, Noah "Apparently" Ritter was the subject of a tribute on the Colbert Report.

While jogging in Prospect Park yesterday, Kate Steciw came across the deathly tableau above sitting behind a wrought-iron fence. Grisly murder scene? Late funeral party for the Nets' 2014 playoffs performance? Some Pratt undergrad's dumb art project? (Probably.)

Edward Snowden's attorney announced this morning that Russia had granted the government leaker three additional years of residency. Snowden's initial temporary asylum, which began when he became stranded in a Russian airport last year, expired August 1.

Political candidate George Davis strolled through Times Square Wednesday in the nude while Batman's nemesis Penguin snapped a photo. Davis is running for the Board of Supervisors in San Francisco. He's campaigning for the right to be nude in public. Image by Julie Jacobson via AP.

An all-female, all-Hasid rock band from Crown Heights is living the dream most women can only yearn for: they've managed to banish all the dicks from the dance-floor for their upcoming gig at Arlene's Grocery on the Lower East Side.

Like an escalating war between the two most passive-aggressive roommates on Earth, Russia has responded to sweeping U.S. and European Union sanctions by refusing to allow our fruits and vegetables to tarnish its section of the fridge.

Homophobic, censorious advocacy group and righteous bunch of trolls One Million Moms is back with another important cause. The group, which is run by the anti-gay American Family Association, concerns itself primarily with waging "media campaigns" against evils like the Geico pig, whose commercials they claimed promoted bestiality, and protesting virtually every show on TV for being somehow blasphemous, lustful or something else fun. This week they're feeling salty about Black Jesus, Adult Swim's new show from the Boondocks creator about, you guessed it, a black Jesus who lives in Compton and doesn't mind a little weed now and again.

Extremist group Boko Haram has reportedly seized yet another major Nigerian town, killing at least 100 civilians in the process. Nigeria's Daily Post reports that Gwoza, one of the most populated areas in the northeastern Borno State, was seized by the group at dawn, who came in using armored tanks and Toyota Hilux pickup trucks. Local news agency Sahara Reporters says that the attack began at dawn, and the town was under Boko Haram control by late morning. Nigerian soldiers were reportedly outmatched by what SR calls, worryingly, Boko Haram's "increasingly sophisticated weaponry."

There are innumerable ways to screw up your first day of work, but some of them have a little more panache than others. A new teacher in Wagoner, Okla. was arrested on her first day after showing up at the school both drunk and without pants.

This ol' world changes so fast these days, it feels like there's nothing you can count on anymore. You go to bed on Monday feeling good because you dropped everything to watch a baby seal on a surfboard, and your life—vis. surfing animals—has pretty much peaked. And then someone's gotta go and teach a pig to surf, too.

The Swiss parliament has suspended a secretary whose nude selfies and amateur porn photos, sometimes posted from inside the Federal House in Berne, made her a national sensation. The anonymous woman, referred to in the Swiss media as A., had more than 11,700 Twitter followers before she deleted her account this week.

Poet-director-actor-writer-playwright-photographer James Franco responds to our article about (The New York Times’ portrayal of) his relationship with actor Scott Haze. Screenshot via Instagram.

Kids are annoying no matter how you slice it, but if they are crying their heads off and yelling "I want fucking pie!" when you're in line at a Burger King, the only natural recourse is to then buy every single pie in sight so that the kid just has to fucking deal. One man, a Gawker hero, claims on Reddit to have done just that.

The other night, I was going to the launch party for my new book, but the hosting bookstore happened to be on the other side of town, in Los Feliz, while I meanwhile was a new resident of Venice, an hour's drive away—or more in mid-afternoon traffic—so I considered my options.

Shortly before noon today, a Michigan jury retired to deliberate in the case of Theodore Wafer, the Michigan homeowner who shot and killed Renisha McBride on his porch when she approached his house after a car accident. The trial lasted just seven days.

New York Times writer Nick Bilton used to cover technology. He wrote about the "internal struggles" at Twitter. He wrote articles challenging the FAA so people could use their phones on planes. He wrote about the Apple iWatch. Important stuff. Sure. Why not. Last month, he became a columnist for the paper's Styles section. He has quickly distinguished himself, both among the paper's most-emailed columnists, and also as a worse columnist than even Frank Bruni.

Noah Ritter, the five-year-old beating heart and soul of our nation, made his second-ever television appearance on the Today Show this morning.

In the video above, a black bear wanders a quiet suburban New Jersey neighborhood on his two hind legs, pausing only to peek into a trash can just like a New Jersey person would. "No good trash in there!" the bear probably said to himself before walking off into the woods. Great job, bear. [UPDATE: We now have more video of the walking bear.]

Kanye West, newlywed, affirmed under oath that he is the "smartest celebrity you've ever fucking dealt with" to the lawyer of a photographer West is accused of beating in a brawl last July. The deposition transcript, which was acquired by TMZ, reveals that West had some unkind words for Daniel Ramos, a paparazzo who sued the rapper.