For the first time since the government began tracking this almost 30 years ago, the majority of American adults are single. That's probably for the best.

Season 4 of Key & Peele starts Sep. 24, and they're previewing it with a new rap track, delivered in character as President Obama and his anger translator, Luther. Almost every line is a reference to a previous sketch, and they made sure to hit all the good ones. Sexually.

Last night on Twitter, Nev Schulman, the host of MTV's excruciating internet romance show Catfish, made a joke about Ray Rice, the NFL running back who has been banned by the league for knocking his wife unconscious. The joke was fucked up for many reasons, not the least of which is that Nev himself has a history of violence against women.

A Walmart employee sends us this photo of a sign posted in a Walmart store, instructing employees on the finer points of the new Walmart dress code. "The followin positions can wear blue or black denim jeans"

Teen girls in Western Europe—and some in the United States—have been trying to join Islamic militants in Iraq and Syria in increasing numbers as ISIS gains control over the region. Today, two Austrian girls, ages 14 and 15, were returned to their parents by authorities after attempting to travel to the Middle East.

A fifth-grade class in Waterville, Maine planted vegetables last spring as a lesson in agriculture and charitable giving. The food, once sprouted, was going to go to the school lunch program and a local homeless shelter. When harvest time arrived this week, though, their onions were gone.

Thank Drew Carey: Police in Bay Village, Ohio, say they've found the godawful pricks who doused an autistic teenager in urine, feces, and cigarette butts after convincing him to take the ice bucket challenge.

Some dogs walk on two legs because they're little weirdos who hate getting a haircut, but some do it out of necessity.

Good writer and smart man Richard Cohen is taking Obama to task for forgetting one important lesson that smart people like Richard Cohen know: the United States of America must be at war with lots of countries at all times.

Teacup Yorkie Ariana Grande has been releasing albums for a little over a year, but she already has a diva-sized 'tude, according to a news.com.au report. The piece claims that she arrived at an interview with a list of demands (don't ask questions about: relationships/dating/ex-boyfriends, Mariah Carey, Sam & Cat/Jennette McCurdy, working/collaborating with Justin Bieber, her grandfather passing away).

It's a Thursday night in August, just past 10 p.m., and my mother is texting me. This might seem like a harmless nuisance except my mother is not supposed to text me. Two years ago I asked her to give me space and not reach out. She responded with an "ok" and proceeded to respect my wishes for 13 days. Nobody's mother listens, but why would I go through the trouble of asking the woman who birthed me to leave me alone: she physically and verbally abused me for 17 years and has been harassing me ever since.

The global War on Drugs has been a long, sustained, incredibly expensive and destructive failure. A major new report from the Global Commission on Drug Policy says: it's time to give it up.

Perhaps no one on Earth cared more than John Oliver about the crew of Russian geckos that recently perished during a mission to mate in space. He's devoted multiple segments on Last Week Tonight to the brave fuck-lizards and their plight, and the news of their death seems to have hit him pretty hard.

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge was a singular phenomenon that swept up celebrities and normals alike with its combination of altruism and gale force peer pressure. It raised so many millions that the ALSA doesn't know how to spend them all. And it's also, we can all agree, over.

Quelle dommage! French women, known by Americans as our freewheeling sisters who let their feminist flags fly free, have stopped wanting to reveal so much of their skin while sunbathing a la plage. That's right—French beaches are becoming boob-free.

Before last night, it had been a while since I'd watched a full episode of America's Next Top Model (now in its 21st cycle). But then, a friend pinged me, as one might when a mutual former friend has gone over the top in a way that is predictable (the tendency to go over the top and exhaust me in the process is exactly why we aren't friends any more) yet wholly new.

White people keep moving to Brooklyn, driving up rent prices, and guess what? Two Brooklyn women have had enough. This weekend, Precious Parker, 30, and Sabrina James, 23, allegedly forced their neighbors out of their Flatbush apartment building at gunpoint.

Karen Marie Dilworth was arrested by police at her Ormond Beach, Fla. home after neighbors allegedly saw her sitting atop her motorcycle in her garage, masturbating. Amongst the audience was a neighbor's 13-year-old son.

As Boardwalk Empire begins its final season, so does real life Atlantic City, where grand casinos are closing at an unprecedented clip. Our elected leaders' solution to these financial troubles? More gambling. It will never work.

Jimmy Fallon apparently didn't feel like hosting his own show last night, so he turned it over to Steve Harvey for a nearly-full-length game of Family Feud, pitting Fallon and (a very quiet) Jason Segel against The Roots.