In the latest stage of Shaquille O'Neal's career transition from beloved NBA big man to character in a Shaquille O'Neal film, the former center applied to become a reserve police officer in Doral, Florida last week. Preparing for an upcoming role in Kazaam 2: Crime Wizard, is he?

A two-year-old accidentally discharged his police officer father's f.380-caliber Kel-Tec semi-automatic pistol while the two were standing in line at a Wendy's in Middleburg, Fla. Shattered bullet fragments caused minor injuries to the boy's foot, his grandfather who was also waiting with him, and two other customers standing in line.

"Electronic 'shock' collars might distress your dog." Nah...

According to a preliminary report released by the Dutch Safety Board Tuesday, Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 was hit with "high-energy objects from outside the aircraft" that caused the plane to break apart mid-air and crash in eastern Ukraine, leaving 298 people dead. The report all but confirms the widely-held suspicion that MH17 was shot down using a surface-to-air missile that detonates without actually striking its target, instead spraying shrapnel.

A dispute over a stolen meatball turned into a workplace stabbing this week, the Baltimore Sun reports.

Howard Stern delivered the eulogy at Joan Rivers' funeral this weekend, and—as befitting the legendarily acerbic comic—he held nothing back.

Email and forum accounts used by the pseudonymous Bitcoin creator Satoshi Nakamoto have apparently been taken over by hackers or squatters, according to a series of odd posts made from accounts confirmed to belong to Nakamoto himself.

So that you don't think she's a prude, proud luddite Judge Judy revealed that she, like you and your favorite celebs several decades her junior, has appeared in photos she'd never want to see the light of day. But we'll never get to see what's under her robe/doily combo because she destroyed them since the world is full of scum who would share such pictures with the general public.

In July, NYPD officer Daniel Pantaleo put Eric Garner in a chokehold, and Eric Garner died. This is bad, commissioner Bill Bratton admits, but the answer isn't making chokeholds illegal. It's making cops sit in a classroom for a few days, then letting them back out.

It is absolutely not surprising that this edit of the intro to Disney's DuckTales, starring real ducks, exists. It's just surprising that it took so long—we've passed the peak of '90s pop culture nostalgia by now, right?—and that so much effort went into redoing it shot-for-shot when a much lazier video could have filled the same internet-hole.

One of the first things everyone should know about Keystone tapdance sensation Taylor Swift is that she is absolutely not on trial here and, to date, no one has unearthed any admissible evidence that she has ever murdered one to four people in her private home, or that she one day plans to do so.

Context isn't really necessary to appreciate this video, but here's what we know about it: Six college-aged bros were caught reportedly breaking into Miami University (Ohio)'s Kappa Alpha house, confronted the guy filming them, and apparently attacked him with a bag of bagels.

A new statistical analysis finds that "there is less than a one in one hundred thousand chance" of the past 30 years of temperature records happening unless greenhouse gases are causing global warming. So add that to, you know, the huge pile of evidence, idiots.

Nearly 300 people have been killed by landslides and flooding in India and Pakistan in the wake of some of the heaviest monsoon rains the region has ever seen. India's top civilian official Rohit Kansal told the Associated Press today, "The situation is extremely grim. We are not able to reach many people because the water is moving so fast."

Miley Cyrus has finally answered the question "What does it look like when Miley Cyrus does something?" The answer: Stuff with stuff on it.

Public radio always seemed to me like the activity of the wine-and-cheese class. Pop it on while you grill pizzas and again on your drive through Newport. This American Life, Radiolab, Wait Wait . . . Don't Tell Me!, and their friends—twee as hell programming that put me straight to sleep.

Security camera footage of Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice punching—and knocking out—his now-wife Janay Palmer made its way online today, and the cheery panel of Fox News' Fox & Friends, ever the font of guileless turpitude, laughed about the assault right into the camera.

Minnesota State University Moorhead administrators are investigating a pageant queen's claims that her sorority sisters "bullied" her out of her sorority, Gamma Phi Beta. Miss Montana 2013 Sheridan Tihista says the harassment came "out of the blue." Her sisters say she called them "dishwashers."

Celebrity-nude-selfie-gate was a thing that passed quickly for most people. They came to the internet, they clicked around and saw the pictures. That role completed, they went back to watching Redtube and reruns of How I Met Your Mother.