According to sources who claim to be close to Jared Leto's dick, Jared Leto's dick is very large, as human dicks go, and shaped like the plumed helmet of an elite Roman guard. Although this classic American genital folktale hasn't been independently confirmed, Leto entered some new evidence into the Case of Is Jared Leto's Dick Big at a recent 30 Seconds to Mars Show.

Like a cranberry scone baked with nails and broken glass and wood splinters that Taylor Swift has just handed to you, Rolling Stone's new profile of Taylor Swift was chock full of surprises:

Public polling offers us evidence-based insight into the beliefs of the American people. But it cannot offer us explanations. For example, a shocking number of black people seem to have little faith in the police. But why?

Marine biologists at the University of Copenhagen and Denmark's Natural History Museum have discovered an entirely new genus, Dendrogramma, of two new species. Dendrogramma is Latin for "baffling," because the species don't fit any existing classification. The little guys live in the deep sea and look like mushrooms.

Stephen Colbert is on record as a slavish Apple fanboy, so it's no surprise that he basically vibrated apart into a million tiny pieces at the announcement of the new i—excuse me—Apple Watch, even though it's not available until next year.

The Senate is voting on a constitutional amendment today that would reverse the 2010 Citizens United v. FEC Supreme Court decision and place restrictions on corporation's campaign finance spending, and the very idea would have a chilling effect on free speech, high-functioning maniac Ted Cruz says. Also: It could send Saturday Night Live creator Lorne Michaels to jail!

Bill Murray could make his first Saturday Night Live appearance in 15 years as the show kicks off its 40th season. According to Splitsider, local NBC affiliates announced the new season's first three hosts in a story that has since been taken down.

How did an apparently healthy Joan Rivers die suddenly—albeit at the age of 81—after what was supposedly a routine outpatient procedure? The New York Times hopes someone will tell it:

The University of California is the latest major university to find itself arguing over whether or not divestment from fossil fuels is a worthwhile idea. Is it? Yes. But it is also a self-fulfilling prophecy, either way.

For Fashion Week, Vogue took Nicki Minaj backstage to teach Alexander Wang models the "Anaconda" dance. The footage proves once and for all that Kate Upton is the exception, not the rule. Models can't twerk.

The artist who recently announced a gallery show featuring stolen nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton has decided not to go through with it. He'll exhibit his own nudes instead, which he feels is pretty much the same thing, artistically.

Timothy Ray Jones Jr., a 32-year-old South Carolina father, was detained in Mississippi this week after allegedly confessing to murdering his five children, whose bodies were found inside individual garbage bags on an Alabama roadside today.

Fashion Rocks, the weird annual live-music-and-designer-clothes charity fundraiser, aired on CBS last night and singing delinquent Justin Bieber made a "surprise" appearance to introduce Rita Ora with model Lara Stone. He was welcomed to the stage with loud booing. In an apparent, ill-conceived bit, he strips down to his underwear, which incites additional booing but also the piercing sound of screams, possibly of arousal. Watching Justin Bieber getting undressed on stage in front of a model is the longest 20 seconds of anyone's life.

Mustachioed simpleton Thomas Friedman today writes about a survey showing that successful students have mentors with "a real interest in their aspirations." For Thomas Friedman's daughter's college roommate, that mentor is clearly Thomas Friedman.

President Obama intends to detail a plan to step up the American offensive against ISIS—including ordering airstrikes in Syria—in a televised address planned for this evening. Administration officials told the New York Times that the plan to be revealed tonight will be a longterm campaign "far more complex than the targeted strikes the United States has used against Al Qaeda in Yemen, Pakistan and elsewhere."

Incredibly, a Kentucky camper is expected to make a full recovery after sleepwalking off a 60-foot cliff last week.

An NBC News digital producer was arrested this week because he allegedly secretly taped himself having sex with his girlfriend and uploaded the video to a porn site, police tell the New York Post.

Joan Rivers may have died last week but her propensity for getting blacklisted is apparently alive and well.

Rachel Ann Nunes, a proud Mormon author of 47 novels, says her Christian romance novel A Bid for Love was ripped off by a Salt Lake City area schoolteacher. To make matters worse, the teacher, Tiffanie Rushton, added sex stuff to it. Nunes told the Associated Press, "I feel like my life has been stolen."

In the midst of filming the 692nd episode of his frozen meal review show, Freezerburns, it suddenly dawned on host Gregory Ng that microwavable food is terribly unhealthy and aggressively marketed to kids. A depressing piece of Kid Cuisine pseudo-chicken was apparently the last straw.