It was a really awful week to be one Chinese man's penis, according to a fantastical tale of dick butchery making its way around the internet.

If you're going to attempt the violent overthrow of a foreign government, it is crucial you don't completely fuck it up. Unfortunately, that's what two American dunces, Cherno Njie of Texas and Papa Faal of Minnesota, did.

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As millions around the world rally behind Charlie Hebdo and the freedom of press, France has quietly been detaining people for exercising free speech on social media.

A bus transporting prisoners from Abilene, Texas to El Paso fell from an icy highway overpass onto the train track below, colliding with an oncoming train. Ten of the bus' 15 passengers (two correctional officers and eight inmates) were killed in the crash, the Texas Department of Criminal Justice confirmed.

Suhail Doshi, who will from now on forever be known as Suhail Bro-shi, is a co-founder and CEO of Mixpanel, a data analytics startup, and like so many world-changing startup bros before him he has a way of saying things that some overly sensitive people might misunderstand or misconstrue or take completely out of context. In this case, these hyperactive reactionaries got all bent out of shape just because Suhail Doshi got up someplace and said that, "No doesn't mean no ... no just means not yet."

Former honorary Kardashian Bruce Jenner has never officially said he's transitioning from male to female, but that didn't stop In Touch from horribly photoshopping what they think he would look like if he did. His ex-wife, Kardashian momager Kris Jenner, is reportedly pissed off at the magazine for the upcoming cover, which implies he told his family he was going to transition.

A teenager will be honored by Ft. Lauderdale police for saving the life of the officer who had just arrested him.

Unlike former Sexiest Man Alive Bradley Cooper, current Sexiest Man Alive* Chris Hemsworth embraces his sexiness, manliness, and alive-ness by doing silly shit like engaging in a water war with Jimmy Fallon while wearing a thin, white dress shirt.

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Parisians lined up at dawn to buy Charlie Hebdo's new dick-covered issue, which reportedly sold out at most locations in just minutes. To deal with the overwhelming demand, the magazine's publisher announced that an additional two million copies would be printed.

Uber, one of the only large tech companies that openly hates you, has made a name for itself not based on its convenience (which is ample) but its price gouging practices (which are gratuitous). Now, one sane New York Council member is introducing legislation to crack down on Uber's transit greed.

How a couple 20-something Irish kids keep perpetrating sloppy hoaxes—and somehow pulling them off.

Glee cheerleader and defective Kim Kardashian clone Naya Rivera had some crazy shit to say about the showering habits of "ethnics" on The View this week. Specifically,"I feel like showering more than once a day, or every day, is such a white people thing."

Pizza Hut is rolling out new gluten-free pizza, which could be a genuine help to about 1% of Americans and will just make the rest of you feel unjustifiably better about eating at Pizza Hut.

Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula has come forward claiming responsibility for the attack on the Charlie Hebdo offices that left 12 dead. In a video originally uploaded to YouTube, Yemeni al Qaeda leader Nasser bin Ali al-Ansi heralds brothers Cherif and Said Kouachi as "two heroes of Islam."

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Katy Perry just wants to make sure you know she didn't pay to perform at the Superbowl unlike some other performers.