Did you know that a new MTV series, The City, debuted on Monday? Need to get up to speed on this exciting TV milestone and its significance for kids today? Thankfully, esteemed social chronicler David Patrick Columbia has popped his reality TV cherry and brought us a lengthy exegesis on Whitney Port and Olivia Palermo's tragic little show. "It's kinda like a soap opera looking for a plot," opines DPC sagely, "but don't let that worry you." Well, we'll try not to! What else? Oh yes, of course: Olivia, hitherto just another pretty face popping up on NYSD's party pictures, is "like an honest to god movie star," and "the biggest glamour-puss" onscreen. Gosh, this will almost—no, completely!—make up for the fact that according to everyone else, she revealed a unique talent for being unconvincing and repellent in the same moment. [NYSD]

If Michael Bloomberg is so interested in trimming the city's budget, allow us to kindly suggest one way to save the city $250,008.00 in 2009: Fire Kevin Sheekey immediately. The pit bull deputy mayor, who championed Bloomberg's non-bid for the White House and then counseled his boss against running for a third term (advice his boss ignored, of course), is now on the hot seat for his aggressive efforts to get Caroline Kennedy named as Hillary Clinton's successor in the Senate. And yet his attempt to strong-arm the political establishment—like, say, instructing the head of a union to support Kennedy because she, too, is Irish—has only managed to do more damage than good. "Everything was backfiring," a source told the Post of Sheekey's efforts to corral support on Kennedy's behalf.

We're nearly a decade into the new millennium. We carry miniature computers around in our pockets, smooth wrinkles with quick injections, fix poor eyesight with a 3-second laser beam, and watch TV shows about robotic beings whose lives are scripted for them. Yet the most vital scientific breakthrough of them all continues to elude mankind: When will scientists get their act together and create a pill for instant weight loss with no unpleasant side effects?

• Paul and Carol Kleinberg, the founders of the electrical contracting firm that bears their name, paid $9 million for a penthouse apartment at 520 West 19th Street. [Cityfile]
• Casino developer Richard Fields is selling his 38th-floor apartment at 15 CPW for $27 million. The flip will yield him double what he paid for the place in June, but it's $8 million less than what he was looking for when he first listed it in September. [Real Deal]
• Peter Lusk, the former COO at Tony Forstmann's private equity firm Forstmann-Leff International, and his wife Jeanne, have sold their 15th-floor co-op at 1 East 66th Street for $7 million. [Cityfile]

Stephen Green's commercial real estate empire has been hard hit by the credit crisis—just yesterday, the company announced it planned to cut its fourth-quarter dividend—but the implosion of Lehman Brothers may end up putting an extra $21 million in the coffers of his company, SL Green. Last week, SL Green filed suit against Lehman's commercial banking arm for failing to provide his firm with a loan after Lehman Brothers went bankrupt. Doesn't compute? Allow us to explain.

Yesterday, we mentioned in passing that Regis Philbin's son and daughter-in-law had told the National Enquirer that they were destitute, barely had enough food to eat, and had been turned down when they approached Rege for financial help. Could there be another side to the story, one that differs from the account in the nation's most trustworthy and reliable news publication? We have no idea, really, but Daniel Philbin, Regis' son, did contact us out of the blue yesterday to share a few additional thoughts on his famous father. His reply after the jump.

The voicemail message at Mort Zuckerman's East Hampton home.

Diane von Furstenberg turns 62 today. Donald Trump Jr. is 31. Actress Bebe Neuwirth is 50. Anthony Hopkins is celebrating his 71st. Val Kilmer is 49. Legendary attorney Joe Flom is 85. Real estate mega-developer Ed Minskoff is turning 68. Donna Summers is 60. Author Nicholas Sparks is 43. Ben Kingsley is turning 65. Gong Li is 43. Aerosmith bassist Tom Hamilton is 57. And New Kids on the Block alum Joey McIntyre is turning 36.

Dedication: Jeremy Piven may have met his girlfriend through a cattle call, but she's sticking by him during the "mercury" poisoning. Marc Jacobs' man isn't going anywhere either.

• Jeremy Piven's latest conquest? A 23-year-old model/bottle waitress at Mansion named Ashley Chontos, who was the first to respond to Piven's late-night text appeal ("Come to my room—whoever responds first gets me for the night") and who, you'll be happy to hear, is standing by her man, even though he's in Bangkok so he can "recover" from "mercury poisoning." [NYDN]
• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are supposedly divorcing in a few weeks, or at least that's what the Daily News says. For the time being, though, they seem to be enjoying themselves in Puerto Rico. [E!]
• Mia Farrow's daughter's death may have been been AIDS-related. [NYP]
• Mariah Carey is supposedly in talks to make a Broadway musical about her life and hopes Leona Lewis, Vanessa Hudgens, or Eva Longoria will take on the lead role. [Telegraph]

Frank Bruni's list of the 10 Best New Restaurants of 2008 is online. Here they are: 1. David Chang's Momofuku Ko, 2. Drew Nieporent and chef Paul Liebrandt's Corton; 3. (tie) Scott Conant's Scarpetta; 3. (tie) L'Impero; 5. Dovetail; 6. Jean-Georges Vongerichten's Matsugen; 7. Adour Alain Ducasse; 8. Daniel Boulud's Bar Boulud; 9. Allegretti; 10. Mia Dona. [NYT]

After backtracking on a comparison between Caroline Kennedy and Sarah Palin last week, the Times aired such a juxtaposition today. But its headline spun her aloofness positive.

Since President Bush said he couldn't stay at the White House's secure guest residence per tradition, Barack Obama will this weekend move into a secure Washington DC hotel. The Secret Service seems nervous.

How would someone come away with that impression? The headline is so complex and nuanced! As headlines tend to be! [Times]

We got our hands on Angel At The Fence, Herman Rosenblat's fabricated book about a little girl who threw apples over a concentration camp fence. It's as hesitant as you might expect.

From New York to Los Angeles, Viacom channels like Comedy Central are set to flicker off cable systems in the first minute of 2009. Sumner Redstone's desperation finally impacted your life!

Who were the hugely tacky snobs at the International Debutantes Ball in New York last night? Many were from Texas. One is Arianna Huffington's daughter!

Even as the New Yorker waxes nostalgic on the glory days of the Village Voice, the weekly is severing more of its legacy, including Nat Hentoff, hired in 1958.

· Wow. If Bubba can do that to a burrito, just imagine how quickly he could wolf down an abandoned newborn. This mutt's got a future at CAA. [via BoingBoing]

MTV recently announced that the network would emphasize shows featuring "affirmation and accomplishment." This is why it launched new programs yesterday featuring testosterone-ridden douchenozzles and a girl who doesn't work. So how did they fare?