Whether you're a handsome benefactor or simply a curious reader, our list of the biggest, most-viewed stories Defamer published this year has something for everyone. Mysteries! Nudity! Hasselbeck! Won't you take a look?

Oh what a year it was! We had some big, boffo posts, primarily about monsters (Cruise, Palin, O'Reilly and Montauk). Yay for riches. Enjoy!

The Dow Jones industrial average will end the year down more than 34 percent, which makes it the worst year for the index since 1931. Just how much money has evaporated? About $7 trillion, which adds up to six years' worth of gains. On a cheerier note, there weren't any murders in Central Park in 2008, although you still have about eight hours or so to change that if you have nothing better to do this evening. [NYT]

You heard it here last: Nick Denton's slimmed-down fiscal plans for 2009 include two fewer blogs: Consumerist is now Consumer Reports's younger, hipper sidekick, while Defamer is seeking a new home.

Ensnared in a vicious battle over 23 cents per customer, SpongeBob SquarePants, The Daily Show, South Park and the rest of Viacom's cable offerings may vanish tonight for 13 million Time Warner subscribers.

Yesterday we thought we knew! But the chipmunky gal pal of series star Whitney continues to elude us. There are several different possible identities. Which one is true?

This week marked the debut of The City, the New York-centric MTV reality show that follows Whitney Port flitting around town with her fellow DVF "co-worker" Olivia Palermo. New York honored the grand occasion with a feature by David Amsden, who observed that Palermo isn't the only fixture on the social scene who has been in search of reality TV stardom. There's also Deborah Trachtenberg—otherwise known as Devorah Rose—the "26-year-old editor of Social Life magazine, who recently sold an idea (currently called Social Heights) to ABC about the lives of her and her close friends, the publicist Kristian Laliberte and diamond heiress Annabel Vartanian." Props to Devorah for managing to squeeze two lies by New York's factcheckers in the same sentence. She's actually 29, not 26. And the sale of that reality TV concept? Well, that came as news to ABC, who said they'd never even heard of the show.

2008 was a banner year for celebrity deaths, beginning with the most shocking—Heath Ledger—and ending with the sound of a single, melancholy meow echoing across a cloudy night sky.

With more and more Americans out on the street, one black Chicago family, forced to move to Washington DC but denied entrance to their temporary shelter, found a place to stay this cold January.

Kathy Griffin isn't just a frequent subject of our fair site—she's also a Defamer reader. And so, who better for us to interview to help make sense of the crazy Hollywood year that was 2008?

[She's AnnaLynne McCord from that dreadful "90210" reboot, in Miami where she's being paid to host a New Year's Eve party; image via Splash]

Sayonara New Year's Eve novelties! 2009 is your last chance to wear googly double-zero glasses for another millennium. The 2010 version (see below) just won't be the same, and the original inventors are quitting the business.

This was the year when the reckless behavior of risk takers from Wall Street traders to mortgage lenders to Bernie Madoff blew up in everyone's faces. So it will probably come as cold comfort to learn why certain people are willing to commit such daring acts: It's because they have fewer inhibitors of happy-chemical dopamine in their brains, neuroscience researchers have discovered. So they get an extra feel-good high whenever they take a risk, predisposing them to keep flirting with danger—until, you know, the market crashes or the feds come knocking.

There's no such thing as fun anymore. Remember that party priest who spent thousands on NYC bottle service? His shocked parish has bullied the Episcopal church into defrocking him.

Today is the day when accused swindler Bernie Madoff will turn over a list of all his assets to the SEC and detail where the cash he allegedly siphoned off is located. Madoff victims who are hoping to see a little restitution will be pleased to hear that Madoff has an extra $10,000 as of today: The statue that was stolen from his Palm Beach estate last week has resurfaced. It was returned to his property with a note: "Bernie the Swindler, Lesson: Return stolen property to rightful owners. Signed by–The Educators." [FINalternatives]

What is going on with Caroline Kennedy and her magical pony trip to the US Senate? Disarray!!

Everyone wants a neat explanation of the panic that destroyed the economy and put the government in charge of Wall Street. Good luck with that! Here's a look back on the year money forgot.

• Channels like MTV, Comedy Central and Nickelodeon will no longer be available to Time Warner Cable customers beginning at midnight, unless Viacom and Time Warner settle a dispute over fees. [Bloomberg]
• The Village Voice has laid off Nat Hentoff and Lynn Yaeger. [NYT]
• Ratings for MTV's The City and Bromance were disappointing. [THR]
• Pepsi is parting ways with its longtime pitchman David Beckham. [AdAge]
• Hustler publisher Larry Flynt is feuding with his nephews over their plans to launch an adult media company of their own. [NYP]
• Nick Denton's Gawker Media has sold off a site and is selling another. [NYT]
• It's not all bad news these days for journalists, clearly. [THR]

Hahahahaha. Nobody watched Monday night's premiere of The City, MTV's poop crap dump of a new reality show (and a spin-off of The Hills). Nobody!

New Year's Eve edition! Or something. We've got: secretly not so skinny TV star, an old Hollywood bit, and the above-mentioned ruiner.