If you haven't yet lost the will to live, what are you waiting for? Scared? Afraid of ending up in Hell? Afraid everyone in Hell will find out you're a big baby? In any event, heaven exists here on Earth: It's a live streaming feed of poolside bros at a Holiday Inn.

Two Ferguson police officers have reportedly resigned and a court clerk has been fired for sending or receiving racist emails, according to the St. Louis Dispatch. The dismissals come just two days after the Department of Justice released a damning report exposing the Ferguson Police Department as fundamentally racist.

Fans drinking vodka sodas instead of Monster tallboys. Matching suits and mirror-encrusted guitars. A funky man who addresses adult humans as "children," like he thinks he's Prince or something. Vocoders, syncopation, silly glasses. This is the deeply strange universe presented in Nickelback's new video, and fans are not happy about it.

Democratic New Jersey Senator Robert Menendez will be investigated as part of a Justice Department corruption probe, CNN reports.

A spinal surgeon who helped rescue Harrison Ford after the actor's plane crash on an L.A. golf course yesterday afternoon described the experience to ABC News. "He was stunned a bit," Sanjay Khurana said. "He was moaning and in pain."

Thousands of people in Dimapur, India, stormed a jail that was holding a man accused of rape, brought him out into the streets, and beat him to death on Thursday, the New York Times reports. Police who were guarding the jail were overcome by the mob, though an official was unable to explain how.

This week, privacy experts and advocates from around the world gathered in Valenica, Spain to meet and discuss how to combat government surveillance. As if on cue, one of the activists discovered an ominous tracking device attached to the bottom of their car.

Picture a New York City sex dungeon. Now picture a typical Park Slope apartment. Now picture a New York City sex dungeon inside of a Park Slope apartment. What does it look like? Hardwood floors or dingy concrete? Whips, chains, baby pics on the fridge? A lonely bottle of hand sanitizer laid atop a thrift-store side table, complimentary squirts for paying customers only?

At an aggressively loud party a few weeks ago, as the lights from a rainbow disco ball flashed directly into my eyes, I thought about the float tank. A skinny white DJ bounced along to an EDM remix of a well-known pop song, but nestled behind my forehead was serenity and peace. I stayed for one drink and got the fuck out, hustling through the streets of New York with the image of capsuled meditation dancing in my brain. If I tried to imagine it hard enough, I was floating like a baby in the womb.

Remember the attractive teen who got arrested last November for allegedly dealing prescription drugs? (Fuck what you heard: her mugshot was cute.) Well, "mugshot dime" Alysa Bathrick was picked up for a second time last week.

In another assault on Iraq's cultural legacy, Islamic State militants reportedly destroyed the remains of the ancient Assyrian city of Nimrud Thursday, an attack Iraq's tourism and antiquities ministry says "defy the will of the world and the feelings of humanity."

Girls stole from me.

Turns out the Snuggie was hiding something nefarious up its cozy blanket sleeves, and now the sham of a company is paying the ultimate price—a fine!

In a story that, if we're being honest, could not have happened outside of Boston, a high school dean who also worked as a youth minister was just arrested for allegedly shooting a teenager in the back of the head over a drug deal.

For centuries, we've naively believed that man was the king of the animals. But is that just want they wanted us to think??

According to TMZ and Variety, a small plane piloted by Harrison Ford crash landed on Penmar golf course in Los Angeles this afternoon. Ford reportedly suffered several injuries, including gashes to his head, and was treated by doctors who happened to be playing golf on the course.

Cardinal Edward Michael Egan, who served as the Roman Catholic Archbishop of New York from 2000 to 2009, died of cardiac arrest at NYU's Langone Medical Center this afternoon. He was 82.

A Florida man who confessed to shooting and killing his neighbor after an alleged struggle brought the dead man's body to his lawyer's office in his pickup truck Wednesday. According to the Fort Myers News-Press, the man "didn't know who else to trust."

On Wednesday, an appellate court ruled that a man who burned his face while praying over a plate of fajitas could not sue the New Jersey Applebee's where the face-burning reportedly took place.

Local news has been speaking "truth to power" since the invention of towns, and there's no better example of why we need regional newscasters than today's LaGuardia plane accident. It's unclear if a fictional villain from the Mario franchise is responsible, but watchdogs at Atlanta's CBS 46 are on it.