Days after one brave soul attempted escape from its enclosure at the Seattle Aquarium, beginning the octopus uprising in earnest, another cephalopod has taken up the flag. When a filmmaker naively attempted to photograph this beautiful captive creature in the name of "science," the octopus took the camera into its tentacles and turned it upon its captor.

Earlier today, ProPublica published a fascinating state-by-state breakdown of workers' comp benefits. Because of a lack of federal oversight, the compensation for the same injury varies tremendously depending on the state in which it occurred. For example, a worker in Illinois who lost an arm would receive as much as $439,858, while a worker in Alabama would receive only $48,840 for the same injury. This disparity in compensation holds true for other injuries, such as severed or crushed testicles.

When Hillary Clinton ditched government email in favor of a secret, personal address, it wasn't just an affront to Obama's vaunted transparency agenda—security experts consulted by Gawker have laid out a litany of potential threats that may have exposed her email conversations to potential interception by hackers and foreign intelligence agencies.

President Obama's State of the Union Address in January was the highest-profile moment of post-Recession recovery bluster. As Obama noted in soaring rhetoric, "we've seen the fastest economic growth in over a decade, our deficits cut by two-thirds, a stock market that has doubled, and health care inflation at its lowest rate in fifty years." And more than the actual signs of recovery, national fist-pumping has sent a resounding signal that the country is in full-on comeback mode.

Fraternity pledges are often asked to give up everything for the sake of the brotherhood during initiation. At Syracuse University, that includes appendages. One Nu Alpha Phi pledge is currently in the hospital with frostbite, preparing to lose four of his fingers, because his bros allegedly made him do push-ups in the snow without gloves.

A couple hid out inside Las Vegas's Erotic Heritage Museum until after closing on Valentine's Day and, once all the employees had left, proceeded to have sex in every room they could. The best part is that the museum was featuring a tribute to kink and Fifty Shades of Grey at the time.

A Delta plane skidded off a snow-covered runway at LaGuardia Airport just after 11 a.m. this morning and crashed into a fence. All 131 people onboard the flight were evacuated, and there were no reports of serious injuries. Following the crash, the airport announced that all runways are closed until at least 7 pm.

When you think of liquids that you'd like to guzzle, does milk make it into your top ten? How about top fifty? Would you like to strike gallons of milk from grocery store shelves and watch as they bleed out into oblivion? Sure you would. Skrrtt—but wait a sec. What if I told you milk could taste like marshmallow Peeps?

SXSW, Austin's annual sticky-floored music industry sport coat and jeans cocaine marathon, wherein bands willingly exhaust themselves playing garbage sets for little or no money, deriving sustenance from tacos and the hope of "exposure," features a McDonald's showcase this year. And, no doy, they aren't paying.

The Wu-Tang Clan's Once Upon a Time in Shaolin, the very limited edition—like, one copy only—secret album that RZA envisioned as a touring museum piece, has proven divisive, even inside the Wu itself.

A new report in the Washington Post indicates that a well-known gun proponent and local DC FOX reporter lied about a home invasion that ended in a face-off with 15 supposed drug addicts.

Wouldn't be a Wednesday without a Disney actor suing his legal guardian for some sort of bad parenting.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, Sony has to do some heavy-duty renovations to clear the air of the thick cloud of weed hanging over Seth Rogen's office. Not so, says Rogen, who, poor thing, believes his "shit smells good."

U.S. Ambassador to South Korea Mark Lippert was hospitalized today after he was attacked by a man with a razor blade in Seoul.

We are people, and people have lives. Lives involve losses. Losses of friends, of loved ones, of children, of parents. Everybody everywhere feels something about some loss sometime in this interconnected age; maybe even you feel things. Maybe then, also, you can explain what the hell David Brooks is on about in this column.

The beaked and eight-tentacled monsters with which we enjoy a tenuously shared existence on this Earth are no longer content to sit placidly in their tanks and their oceans. Cephalopods the world over are rising up and out of the water, from Australia to the Pacific Northwest, and no land-dweller is safe.

The latest entry in the Transportation Security Authority's Instagram catalog of heavy artillery: the five-inch, eight-spiked death blade above, which some hapless traveler tried to bring onto a flight from Baltimore-Washington International Airport. But worry not: it was only his trusty spinning axe, straight out of League of Legends.

Andrew Dale Marcum was featured on the Butler County Sheriff's Office Facebook as wanted for multiple charges. Marcum, an unwise man, commented, "I ain't tripping half of them don't even know me." No one knows what he meant.

Philippe Reines, the longtime aide to Hillary Clinton, sent Gawker a long note last night after a reporter for the Washington Free Beacon, C.J. Ciaramella, emailed him about an article of ours concerning his and other Clinton staffers’ use of a private email accounts to conduct official State Department business. The entire exchange, including our response at the very bottom, can be found below. We’ll keep you posted if Reines writes back. (Update: Reines responded; see below).