It was a "Monday-ish" Monday for the Twitterati: A Washington Post reporter got deserted by his followers; a Time columnist had to listen to Kiefer Sutherland attempt comedy and Kirstie Allie had to KILL.

[A visitor attends a press preview for the new exhibit "Francis Bacon: A Centenary Retrospective," opening May 20th at New York's Metropolitan Museum of Art. The collection celebrates the British artist's 100th birthday; image Getty]

• Daniel Boulud unveiled his new DBGB to the press on Saturday. A menu devoted to 14 different kinds of sausage, two dozen beers on tap, and more is coming your way in early June. [Zagat, TONY, Metromix, Eater, TFB]
• A roundup of restaurants scheduled to open this week. [TONY]
• Thomas Keller confirms Jonathan Benno is parting ways with Per Se. [GS]
• Danny Meyer confirms he's out of the race for Tavern on the Green. [NYO]
• Robert De Niro chats about his Locanda Verde, opening this week. [NYM]
• Warren 77, the new bar/restaurant by the Beatrice Inn's Matt Abramcyk, Chris Miller, and hockey star Sean Avery opened on Friday eve. [NYO, GS]
• Adam Platt gives high marks (and three stars) to Seasonal this week. [NYM]

Here's something unexpected: angry insiders tipping us off about OK! Magazine's management shuffle! Jason Oliver Nixon is now running things, they say:

Stereotypical rich boy Jared Kushner is helping needy college kids get loans! Harvard kids only.

With his wife busy with a "respectful and close relationship" with another man, former President Bill Clinton is free to gallavant around the world, going to tranny raves. This week, Bill goes to Austria!

Remember how Vanity Fair said Caroline Kennedy's kids made her stop running for Senate, and we were all "nuh uh"? She went on the TV to prove us right!

Mayor Bloomberg introduced new health commissioner today to replace Dr. Thomas Frieden, who was picked by President Obama last week to head up the Centers for Disease Control. He's Dr. Thomas Farley, a pediatrician and epidemiologist affiliated with Tulane. Why did Bloomberg pick Farley? He's an expert on HIV and "early-intervention strategies for children with special needs." As an added bonus, city will save hundreds of dollars by not having to order new memo pads embossed with the initials "TF," which is good to hear. [NYDN]

Just as the kids today use alcohol labeling to ensure economical intoxication, so may the fatties of tomorrow make use of New York's fast food calorie labeling.

They already ruined coffee and now your smokes are white supremacists??? "[People] with the most melanin were found to smoke the most...and to have the highest level of dependence on tobacco." The conspiracies are real!

Walter Noel's messy legal situation just got messier. Irving Picard, the court-appointed trustee responsible for liquidating Bernie Madoff's investment firm and recouping funds for Madoff's victims, just filed a $3.2 billion lawsuit against Noel's firm, Fairfield Greenwich Group. So while Noel may get a chance to play golf in the Hamptons this summer, he's clearly going to have to learn how to swing a club and talk to his lawyer on his cellphone at the same time. [NYT]

Some phrases and words are annoying. Among my pet peeves are nounifications of verbs as in "My ask of you is..." but the worst is, "Just sayin'." Let's give it up, mmmkay?

Tina Brown's webventure The Daily Beast has a section devoted to recommendations of things by "smart people" like William Shatner and Lydia Hearst, two people not known for their intellectual acuity.

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] May 18th @9:05am Coming out of the Essex House and getting into the standard black SUV.

Good news: Coffee's not bad for you! Bad news: Unless you smoke when you drink it. But, good news: if you're an alcoholic you must drink coffee!

Who are these kids, exactly? Rachelle Hruska's not-a-nightlife-blog blog, Guest of a Guest, kicked off "summer" and a new season of Hamptons coverage with an apocalyptically cloudy rooftop tequila drinking thing on Sunday.

Peter Thiel, the Facebook investor and PayPal co-founder, has never been shy about making incendiary statements. Now he's turned his guns on us.

So once DC legalizes Gay Marriage are we officially done with the "black people hate gays" thing? Or has everyone forgotten about the Prop 8 blame game already? Probably. [T-NC]

Lord knows that the USA is in trouble, now that we're forced to make this sad announcement: Trump Magazine has folded. But...but Donald's so rich!

Bravo has stumbled onto a fold in the universe where sadness, craziness and Italian-Americans are bound up in soul origami. This week, child exploitation!