It was a "Monday-ish" Monday for the Twitterati: A Washington Post reporter got deserted by his followers; a Time columnist had to listen to Kiefer Sutherland attempt comedy and Kirstie Allie had to KILL.

Extreme-dieting Scientologist Kirstie Alley explained who is first against the wall in the vegetable revolution. Ha... ha?

The Washington Post's Chris Cillizza wondered if it was him or the White House stonewalling he was livetweeting that scared away so many followers.

Time columnist James Poniewozik basked in the glory of Kiefer Sutherland's bar-assault joke.

Jezebel's Megan Carpentier had neither penis envy nor penis guilt.

The Onion's Joe Randazzo pseudo-lamented a tweeter's pseudo-fame.

Investor and pundit Paul Kedrosky contemplated his own vision of hell.