Just kidding. Today we have more news from the TV upfronts, plus movie word from sunny, splashy, ridiculous Cannes.

[Social entity Peaches Geldof at Cannes; image via Splash]

Dolla, a 21 year-old Atlanta rapper signed to Akon's label, was shot and killed yesterday in the parking garage of an LA mall.

• Guy Metcalfe, co-head of Morgan Stanley's real estate investment banking group, has finally unloaded his second-floor apartment at 15 CPW, which he purchased for $9.35 million in October and re-listed for $16.5 million a mere two weeks later. Metcalfe was forced to drop the price twice before eventually going into contract to sell the apartment in February. Now it's a done deal: The 3,822-square-foot pad has sold for $11 million. [Cityfile]
• Former UBS executive Ramesh Singh is willing to do just about anything to part ways with his duplex at 823 Park Avenue. He just chopped the price for the fourth time since putting it on the market last August, three months after he and wife Farida Khan paid $20 million for the 7,234-square-foot spread. The apartment, which started off at $24.75 million and was dropped to $21.75 million in October, was lowered to $19.95 million in February and then to $16.750 million in March. It's now priced at $14.5 million, or $5.5 million less than the couple paid for it. Ouch indeed. [Cityfile, Corcoran]

Today we have an actor who has his pot smuggled in, a coked out star doing dangerous diving tricks, a coked out actress who was almost caught in Cannes, and a sad baby lady.

Swine flu has landed on the Upper East Side. At least that's what health officials are suspecting after St. David's, the private, all-boys school on East 89th Street, reported that 12 percent of the student body had suddenly fallen ill. None of the kids have actually tested positive for the virus yet. But the school has decided to suspend classes as a precaution. So either swine flu has been traveling up and down the hallways of St. David's in recent weeks (but not to nearby Sacred Heart, with which St. David's shares a gym). Or the boys have come up with the smartest idea ever to guarantee themselves a really long weekend just as the weather starts to get really nice. If you spot lots more high schoolers in the Hamptons this weekend, presumably you'll have your answer. [WSS, NYP]

Author, screenwriter and director Nora Ephron turns 68 today. PBS NewsHour host Jim Lehrer is 75. British model Lily Cole is 21. Oxygen co-founder Gerry Laybourne is turning 62. Boston Celtics star Kevin Garnett is turning turns 33. Pete Townshend of The Who is 64. And Grace Jones celebrates her 61st birthday today.

• Alex Rodriguez has a new, more age-appropriate celeb to spend his lonely nights with. The Yankee was spotted with Kate Hudson at a UES restaurant and outside 15 Central Park West, the apartment building where he rents. And they seem happy, too, which may be because she doesn't force him to wake up early on Saturday mornings to attend Kabbalah classes. [P6]
• Scarlett Johansson and Gwyneth Paltrow are reportedly butting heads on the set of Iron Man 2. Gwynnie is supposedly mad that Scarlett's been "hogging the limelight" and demanding too much attention from the crew. [Sun]
• It looks like Mel Gibson's new girlfriend is pregnant, after all. [MSNBC, P6]
• Estée Lauder CEO William Lauder and his wife Karen have split up. [P6]
• Penelope Cruz missed a scheduled appearance with Harvey Weinstein in Cannes this week because of food poisoning, although Harvey says she's expected to recover in time for the premiere of their new movie tonight. [Us]

• Goldman Sachs, JPMorgan Chase, and Morgan Stanley have applied to refund a total of $45 billion of bailout money. The government now has to decide whether to take the cash and run the risk of upsetting less fortunate banks who can't afford to repay their bailout money. [BN, DB]
• Money management giant Blackrock has its hand in just about everything these days, which is why lots of people are asking questions. [NYT, WSJ]
• Eight months after Lehman Brothers went down and lawyers are raising questions about the "rushed sale" of its capital markets unit to Barclays. [DB]
• American Express says it plans to eliminate 4,000 jobs. [NYT]
• Builders broke ground on the fewest homes on record in April. Housing starts dropped 12.8%, although Wall Street had been predicting an increase. [BN]
• Tim Geithner says he doesn't want to institute pay caps. He just wants to curb aggressive risk-taking. Of course, if you can't take risk, you can't make a lot of money, so we're right back where we started, aren't we? [NYT]

Paris Hilton's neighbor offered her landlord money to throw her ass into the street, Mel Gibson has definitely knocked up his Russian girlfriend/mistress, and A-Rod is boning romantic comedy actress Kate Hudson.

Stephen Colbert welcomed Meghan McCain onto his show last night, where she refused to lick his face, talked endlessly about how much she loves fucking, and refused to discuss anything about Sarah Palin.

Looking for a job? Has anyone ever told you that you have muse-like qualities? Do you have a driver's license and 8-24 hours free each week? If so have we got the job for you!

Italian actress Monica Bellucci, right, and French actress Sophie Marceau, left, walk the red carpet at the screening of a film 'Ne te retourne pas' (Don't Look Back), during the Cannes Film Festival.

Blogger In Other News caught this somewhat unfortunate screengrab on the New York Times website tonight of Apple's ad stars, John Hodgman and Justin Long, gazing lazily at a soon to be executed Missouri man.

Remember last week when the Washington Times ran a photo of the Obama girls alongside a story about Chicago's murdered schoolchildren, and then blamed the fuckup on fancy computers? Well, they're cracking down over there!

Today we received a tip updating us on the shitshow that is OK! Magazine, and now tonight another tipster has shared more information, including details of a team-building margarita fest at Dos Caminos tomorrow night!

Well here's a story sure to give pause to any father of twins who's ever heard anyone utter the words, "Gee, your kids don't look very much alike at all!"

Ancient U.S. Senator Robert Byrd, the man third in line to assume the Presidency should something unfortunate happen to President Obama, has been hospitalized due to complications from an infection, though he will NEVER die!

• Gwyneth Paltrow is planning to give up her contract with Estée Lauder so she can focus on her website Goop.com, per the ever-reliable Daily Mail. More troubling: The paper says her plan is to "become an Oprah Winfrey-like lifestyle guru." [DM]
• Michelle Obama returned to NYC today. She attended the reopening of a wing at the Met (where she wore a coat by Isaac Mizrahi coat and sat next to Ralph Lauren, Iman, and Anna Wintour). Then it was over to opening night at the American Ballet Theater. [WWD, NYT]
• An excerpt from Lauren Conrad's debut novel has been posted online, in case you feel up to tackling some heavy literature. [Teen Vogue]
• Valentino, diplomat of fashion: "I saw the pictures of the Metropolitan gala evening last week and I never saw something more ugly." [Guardian]
• Speaking of Valentino, Time Out's current issue tests out self-tanners. [TONY]

A college-aged man was shot at Harvard just before 5 p.m. Monday. He lived. Two to three suspected assailants remain at large.