Herbivores—animals too weak to even kill and eat another, weaker animal—may be in for an “enormous” die-off soon. I suppose this is our fault, also?

On Sunday evening, a Georgia sheriff allegedly shot a woman in the stomach inside a model home in Lawrenceville, Ga. Police said Clayton County Sheriff Victor Hill “refused to cooperate” when investigators arrived on the scene. He still hasn’t been arrested or questioned.

According to several witnesses, including producers at Fox News, Baltimore cops chased down and shot a man in the street this afternoon, but police officials say that no shooting occurred and the man was hospitalized “out of an abundance of caution.”

If you attend Texas’ Crane High School, there’s about a one in fifteen chance that you have chlamydia right now. Fun, unrelated fact: you’ve also never been enrolled in a comprehensive sex-ed course. Weird!

Last week, Bloomberg Business published a piece in which three typography experts weighed in on the ideal fonts to use on a resume, the fonts you should avoid, and whether or not emojis are fair game. OK. One question, though:

The parents of five-year-old Connor Ruiz have vowed to sue the Indian River Central School District in Philadelphia, New York, after their “out of control,” “combative” son was handcuffed and shackled by police officers at his elementary school.

The second shooter from Sunday’s attack outside an anti-Muslim cartoon contest in Garland, Texas, has been identified as Nadir Soofi, 34. Soofi was the roommate of Elton Simpson, the other gunman killed during the shooting.

Brian Moore, the NYPD officer who was shot in the face Saturday evening in Queens, has died, according to the New York Post and CBS News.

At parties—which I go to a lot—the question is often raised: if you were to travel to space, what would be the one earthly thing you’d have trouble giving up? FRESH COFFEE, we all yell. Samantha Cristoforetti, an Italian astronaut at the International Space Station, has proven that we will never have to go without espresso when we float above Earth.

“Republicans’ emphasis on poorer and working-class Americans now represents a shift from the party’s longstanding focus on business owners and ‘job creators’ as the drivers of economic opportunity. This is intentional, Republican operatives said.” Really? Huh.

A few days ago, former and forever presidential hopeful Rick Santorum offered some seemingly (and uncharacteristically) supportive words on Bruce Jenner’s decision to come out as a transgender woman. But now, Santorum has one little thing he’d like to add: Don’t worry, I’m still a dick.

Texans can now proudly say that their state not only boasts the Biggest Tacos and Tallest Beers, but a governor willing to waste tax dollars on a batshit make-believe martial law conspiracy theory.

As we did last season and so far this season, we’ve put together a list of scenes, references, and characters that deserve a special comment or mention. There’s no way we got all the good stuff (and we might be wrong on some of the things we’ve left below)—so please help expand our appendix.

After Bud Light canned its ill-conceived new ad campaign glorifying sexual assault, all that was left for Last Week Tonight to do was to join the pile-on of burns on the disgusting beer’s foul taste, with John Oliver sneaking in a Floyd Mayweather own.

Here we go again: that liberal jerkoff with his hands in all our pockets, Bill “Tallest Man on Earth” de Blasio, has decided to dedicate $33 million of his upcoming proposed budget to struggling and underfunded public schools. What about that golden promenade we were promised? And the envelopes full of cash?

One of the suspects from yesterday’s shooting at an anti-Muslim cartoon contest in Garland, Texas, has been identified as Elton Simpson, a Phoenix resident who was convicted of terror-related charges in 2010.

Kate Middleton gave birth to a baby girl on Saturday, and today the world finally learned her name.

The most common sight in Las Vegas early Sunday morning was that of a dejected young man in an extremely boastful Manny Pacquiao t-shirt making his way back to his hotel to change his shirt.

If you are alone in Disney World, you’ll never forget it. Even if you can ignore all of the families that surround you, even if you manage to miss the couples walking hand-in-hand through the park, you will always be aware of your singledom because you are constantly compelled to disclose it to the state authorities of the Magic Kingdom. On every ride, at every mechanical attraction, your status is interrogated before you sit down. And when the operator asks how many are in your party, you have to say—out loud—one.

Embedded above is a seven-and-a-half-minute video of Seattle police trying to wrestle a writhing, shirtless, hammer-wielding man who got stuck upside down in a basketball hoop this past weekend.