A student due to graduate from the University of Notre Dame on Sunday died early this morning after falling off the roof of a sports arena, NBC News reports.

Last year, for the first time, the 10 best-compensated CEOs in America all received at least $50 million, the New York Times reports. Most of that was in stock, but some was in cash: “a form of compensation that does little to incentivize long-term performance.” Sounds like a raw deal.

Matthew Apperson, accused of firing a gun at George Zimmerman earlier this week, was arrested on Friday night, WFTV reports. On Monday, Apperson’s lawyer said that he had acted in self-defense.

Two of television’s most famously deadpan comedians shared a surprisingly touching moment on Friday, when Norm Macdonald closed his last stand-up set on Late Show with David Letterman with a tearful tribute to the man he called “the greatest talk show host who ever lived.”

During my senior year of high school, a kid who sat behind me in class scrawled “Jailyn is black. Colored people suck. Niggers love Kool-Aid” into the wood-grain of his desk. On the day I found the writing, my phone had died and I was sitting in AP Biology trying to entertain myself with anything other than chromosomes, mitochondria, and the nasally voice of the teacher. When the plum-purple of the writing caught my eye, I turned to my best friend and motioned for him to check if what I thought I was seeing was actually there. I stared at the words, silently trying to understand the author’s motive until I felt my friend nudge my side and whisper, “Jai.” I slowly turned to him as he nodded towards the front of the classroom. I followed his gaze and saw the entirety of the class staring back at us.

The FBI will investigate the possibility that the windshield of the Amtrak train that derailed this week was struck by some kind of projectile before it crashed, the Associated Press reports.

On Friday, U.S. Special Operations forces entered Syria with the intent of capturing senior ISIS commander Abu Sayyaf and his wife Umm, the New York Times reports. The Pentagon said in a statement that Sayyaf was killed after he “engaged U.S. forces.”

Nepalese army officials announced Saturday that all eight bodies had been recovered from a U.S. Marine helicopter that crashed earlier this week, the Associated Press reports. There were six Marines and two Nepalese soldiers aboard.

Michigan state troopers pulled over a 41-year-old man on suspicion of drunk driving early Wednesday morning after they saw him swerving across the road. It didn’t take them long to find the real reason he’d been driving erratically, though: a 22-year-old woman he’d just met through Craigslist was tied up in his backseat, kicking at him while he drove.

While 30 Rock may have officially ended two years ago, its legacy lives on in the vodka-tampon, MILF-addled-memories of our nation’s most sensitive viewers. And now, we have the official FCC complaints to prove it.

After weeks of testimony and three days of deliberations, a federal jury sentenced Dzhokhar Tsarnaev to death by lethal injection today. Last month, the 21-year-old was found guilty of 30 charges related to the bombing at the finish line of the 2013 Boston Marathon.

A bear—just chilling—happened on a man—also just chilling—and the two spooked the hell out of each other. This is just one more example of game acknowledging game, and agreeing that it is best to stay out of it.

The affluent denizens of Atlanta’s Buckhead neighborhood received a fun treat this week when they looked up at the corner of Peachtree and East Paces Ferry: a famous internet man’s giant, ruddy, gaping spread asshole, displayed on an enormous digital billboard.

A naked, blood-covered 17-year-old girl was arrested Saturday morning in Melbourne, Fla., after she allegedly jumped through the glass window of an unoccupied house, punched a stranger and a car, and then ran at police officers while repeatedly screaming “I’M SATAN!” and “I AM GOD.”

According to Mitt Romney’s decisively grim Twitter bio, he is simply “Former Governor of Massachusetts”—no more, no less. But it’s time to stop dwelling on the past. Because today, Mitt Romney has found love in former World Champion boxer Evander Holyfield—and that love is the sweetest victory of all.

In 2016, New Zealanders will get to vote on a new flag, one that Prime Minister John Key hopes will “better reflect our status as a modern, independent nation.” In an effort to appear egalitarian, Key has opened the artistic direction of the new flag up to the people, and the people, wow, they have not disappointed.

A West Virginia high school teacher may be in trouble after letting students pick a movie to show in class as a reward for their good performance. Turns out the kids’ tastes are very ... singular. You wouldn’t understand.

Says here on the front page of today’s Florida Times-Union that Jacksonville residents are in shock after two young men fired into a school bus, shooting two girls in the head and OH HEY COUPONS FOR DISCOUNT ADMISSION TO THE GUN SHOW AT THE MOROCCO SHRINE CENTER.

Isabel Khan, a former science teacher at Imagine School in West Melbourne, Fla., pleaded guilty to having been in a months-long sexual affair with a then 14-year-old student.